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Original poster

Partner won’t put me on deeds to the house

565 replies

HannahXsanderson · 21/07/2025 06:55

Hello,
AIBU I have been with my partner for 5 years and we have a 2 year old together, things have been slightly rocky since having our child but other than that our relationship is good. We currently live in my partners house which he had bought before we met. I contributed to the house before baby arrived but haven’t went back to work as my partner very fortunately earns a good wage and doesn't want me me to go back to work until our child is 3 and starts nursery. We are planning on moving into a bigger family home this year and I assumed that I would be made a co-owner. I brought this up to my partner and he said absolutely not because I’m not financially contributing.
I disagree with this as I feel that I am contributing in the sense that I’m brining up his child and keeping his house clean ect ect.. I just find it very odd that we are in a well established relationship and he said once we buy a house he wants to get married, so my thought is what’s the problem with me being put on the deeds to our family home?
I feel very insecure about this, I saved up money to keep myself going these past couple of years and my savings are nearly done, so it’s not as if he hands me money ect… he pays bills and food shopping.
I feel that he is reluctant on making a commitment and especially a financial commitment not even just to me but his own child. He also refuses to update his will or life insurance policy if anything were to happen to him.
Am I expecting too much?
I feel that I need to have some sort of security about our relationship especially since I’m dependent on him. I also feel that we’re not equal as he makes comments that this is his house ect..

OP posts:
Spindrifts · 21/07/2025 07:35

Check out how the English law stands where a partner is unmarried and what would you do if you split up or he disappeared? Will you be left with no money, no roof over your head, and no job or child care? Why do people not protect themselves before they get into these situations? And then wail when it befalls them?

Tandora · 21/07/2025 07:35

Damnloginpopup · 21/07/2025 07:03

I wouldn't put anyone on the deeds of a house I bought.

Would you expect someone to quit their job in order to provide round the clock free childcare and domestic labour for you?

Rabbitsockpeony · 21/07/2025 07:35

HannahXsanderson · 21/07/2025 07:30

I’d be happy to go back to work, but my partner feels our 2 year old is to young for nursery. I did a couple of shifts when my maternity ended but he didn’t like me going to work and would create an atmosphere about it. The ups and downs in our relationship have been to do with the in-laws not necessarily us.

He’s controlling AF. He can’t decree you’re not allowed to work because he has decided your kid is too young for nursery.

Emotionalsupporthamster · 21/07/2025 07:35

He doesn’t want you financially tied to him - he wants to be able to leave if he fancies it later on and leave you with nothing. Given that, I’d be surprised if he does genuinely plan to marry you.

In your position I’d go back to work full time for some financial security. Otherwise if he leaves you you are left with no home and no job, nothing.

MayBeee · 21/07/2025 07:34

You say you have funded yourself whilst off work . To what degree ?

Are you paying him any rent , do you contribute to bills gas , electricity , water ?

Who buys the food you eat ? Petrol , clothes , days out , your families birthday / Christmas presents etc ?

Are you saying you fund all that 100 % ?

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 21/07/2025 07:34

I wouldn’t put you on the deeds to my house either.

arcticpandas · 21/07/2025 07:34

What's done is done. Now you have to take back control over your life. Tell him that if he doesn't marry you and put you on the deeds he doesn't love you nor sees you as a life partner so maybe it would be best to go separate ways. Do not have any more children with him.

TooManyCupsAndMugs · 21/07/2025 07:34

HannahXsanderson · 21/07/2025 07:30

I’d be happy to go back to work, but my partner feels our 2 year old is to young for nursery. I did a couple of shifts when my maternity ended but he didn’t like me going to work and would create an atmosphere about it. The ups and downs in our relationship have been to do with the in-laws not necessarily us.

Tell him he can't have it all ways. Either he gives you the financial security of marriage and shared assets OR agrees you go back to work to build up your assets. And he contributes to childcare- it's his child too.

Rabbitsockpeony · 21/07/2025 07:34

HannahXsanderson · 21/07/2025 07:25

He has never lived with a previous partner nor a long term relationship before me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

🤦🏻‍♀️ what a choice.

Coconutter24 · 21/07/2025 07:33

If I bought a house before I met someone and was in a slightly rocky relationship I would not put their names on the deeds. If we were to buy together with joint deposits etc I would only once the relationship was good and not ‘slightly rocky’. I definitely wouldn’t use my house equity as a deposit for a house in both our names…. Married and stable I would….. partner and slightly rocky no I would not

user1476613140 · 21/07/2025 07:33

Pop down to the registry office and get married then you'll be able to put your name on the title deeds. It doesn't take long.

crumblingschools · 21/07/2025 07:31

Why didn’t you get married before having your child? I know it’s an old fashioned notion but certainly a good idea especially if you are the lower earner/asset poor.

Purplecatshopaholic · 21/07/2025 07:31

Theeyeballsinthesky · 21/07/2025 07:03

so you

  • live in his house
  • dont Work
  • entirely financially dependent on him
  • aren't married
  • and he wants more children?
for the love of god do not have more children with him!

youre taking all the risks here. Go back to work, stop being so dependent on him. I'd say get married as that legal contract would be the best protection but I expect you'll never actually buy that bigger house and get married as he says. He's a future faker

you need to put yourself and your child first because he certainly won't

Absolutely this op. Read it again and again. You should not have put yourself in this position, but now you have you need to sort it, you are very financially vulnerable. He’s not going to put you on the deeds or marry you, why would he, he’s got what he wants without any financial risk. If you break up, you are out on your ear with nothing. Do Not Have More Kids.

Original poster
HannahXsanderson · 21/07/2025 07:30

I’d be happy to go back to work, but my partner feels our 2 year old is to young for nursery. I did a couple of shifts when my maternity ended but he didn’t like me going to work and would create an atmosphere about it. The ups and downs in our relationship have been to do with the in-laws not necessarily us.

OP posts:
ExhaustedElephant · 21/07/2025 07:29

OP you are in a bad situation. But well done for realising it now. Some women don’t see this till they are in late midlife. The actions you take now will be crucial. Think long-term not short-term. Please.

SpicyMarge98 · 21/07/2025 07:29

Your right @Dozer I wouldn't ask thay of my partner, but just because someone asks it doesn't mean the op needed to do it. They could have stood firm at the start and said were getting married if im going to be a SAHP, like now. Booked the wedding. Or could have said no im not giving up my job, sort out childcare. Ultimately marriage is a legal process amd its not right for everyone and neither is giving over half your house to someone, he doesn't value her contribution of childcare so he can bloody well pay for it via nursery and pp can go back to work

PurpleFlower1983 · 21/07/2025 07:28

Get yourself a job and/or get married. You have put yourself in a very risky position with a man who doesn’t consider you his equal.

ExhaustedElephant · 21/07/2025 07:27

What would happen if you split up now? A scary situation for you.

You are v financially vulnerable. You need to think about going back to work. You say he doesn’t want you to work yet. Do you?

bluecurtains14 · 21/07/2025 07:27

HannahXsanderson · 21/07/2025 07:25

He has never lived with a previous partner nor a long term relationship before me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

Gosh, I wonder why this prince of a man couldn't find a woman to live with him and have his kids. I can't imagine............

Dozer · 21/07/2025 07:26

Posters saying you wouldn’t add a partner to deeds etc presumably also wouldn’t ask your partner to quit paid work for several years and be financially dependent on you, with you having the option to end this and ask them to leave your property with no or little notice.

Original poster
HannahXsanderson · 21/07/2025 07:25

Minnie798 · 21/07/2025 07:20

You mention your partner not wanting you to work until your lo is 3 and at funded nursery. Is that what you want, are you happy with the arrangement because he doesn't get to solely decide that you won't work. Having a sahp is a joint decision. How long has he owned the house prior to you moving in?
I wouldn't be moving to a new house with him right now . At the very least, I'd be waiting until I was back in work. Then you can jointly
buy and financially contribute to the new house and he can ring fence whatever money he brings.
It's difficult to jump straight to him being unreasonable because we don't know his situation. Perhaps he had a previous divorce ( they can make people very cautious) , was gifted money for the house and he wants to protect it etc etc. A woman in his situation would be told to protect her assets, I'm sure.

He has never lived with a previous partner nor a long term relationship before me 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
SpicyMarge98 · 21/07/2025 07:24

I voted YABU because you've got yourself into a bad situation and now you need to decide what to do next.
Your "partner" doesn't see it as a partnership. You have absolutely no legal rights to get put on the deeds of the house. It will be his house, he's keen to protect that and himself obviously.
He "says" he wants to get married- do you believe thats the case? Or is it something that won't actually happen?

Your too financially vulnerable at the minute and echo PP, get a job. Stop doing the wifework. Build your savings and pension anf protect yourself

ocelot3 · 21/07/2025 07:24

bluecurtains14 · 21/07/2025 07:10

Oh dear. You've given up work with no property in your name and no safety-net of marriage or a civil partnership. That was a mad thing to do. Sit him down for a chat, tell him you're going back to work as soon as possible and that half the childcare is for him to pay, and he'll have to cover half of the last minute days off work because child is ill, nursery pickup and dropoff etc. Or of course that he could show his commitment to you as a family by rapidly getting married/having a civil partnership, in which case your return to work could be more gradual. But get back to work for your future security as this man isn't a keeper. Never make yourself this vulnerable again @HannahXsanderson

Edited

This. And please don’t weaken to any of his nonsensical arguments when they inevitably start and think ‘it will be ok’ - and agree to having another child’. The situation is not a good one for you and it’s crucial not to make it worse. I’m sorry that this has happened but now it’s important to strengthen your position for your future and that of your child’s.

Minnie798 · 21/07/2025 07:20

You mention your partner not wanting you to work until your lo is 3 and at funded nursery. Is that what you want, are you happy with the arrangement because he doesn't get to solely decide that you won't work. Having a sahp is a joint decision. How long has he owned the house prior to you moving in?
I wouldn't be moving to a new house with him right now . At the very least, I'd be waiting until I was back in work. Then you can jointly
buy and financially contribute to the new house and he can ring fence whatever money he brings.
It's difficult to jump straight to him being unreasonable because we don't know his situation. Perhaps he had a previous divorce ( they can make people very cautious) , was gifted money for the house and he wants to protect it etc etc. A woman in his situation would be told to protect her assets, I'm sure.

Whaleandsnail6 · 21/07/2025 07:18

Theeyeballsinthesky · 21/07/2025 07:03

so you

  • live in his house
  • dont Work
  • entirely financially dependent on him
  • aren't married
  • and he wants more children?
for the love of god do not have more children with him!

youre taking all the risks here. Go back to work, stop being so dependent on him. I'd say get married as that legal contract would be the best protection but I expect you'll never actually buy that bigger house and get married as he says. He's a future faker

you need to put yourself and your child first because he certainly won't

This!

You are putting yourself in a risky financial position.

He doesn't see you as equal. Do not have anymore children with him and start looking for a job to enable your own financial security