Partner won’t put me on deeds to the house

@HannahXsandersonThis isn’t correct. You can still claim the child benefit but either opt not to receive the actual payment or the high earner pays it back as part of their annual tax return.

Have you ever taken any independent legal or financial advice? If not, you really should! Make an appointment to see a Family solicitor. You have left yourself in an extremely vulnerable position if the relationship were to fail in the future. As a “girlfriend”, he can kick you out at a whim.

Even if he won’t marry you or agree to a civil partnership, at the very least you should have a cohabitation agreement setting out your intentions regarding the ownership of the property. You should also gets your Wills done.

However if the siblings will all own a share of each other's houses then they've not actually reduced their assets on paper and all the houses will be looked at in a divorce?

True, if you add it all up but it will make it a lot more difficult, will take a LOT more solicitors efforts and time and so the legal bill would be substantially increased to the point it will hopefully make someone uhhm and arhh about it. Again, it’s all a risk see-saw and a case of what’s more likely to go wrong, immediate family or a pissed off spouse in divorce. Anything can happen and you do the best you can, nothing is ever going to be foolproof.

Can you have a conversation about this? Can you get all the facts together and explain how vulnerable you are currently? So if he wants you to stay at home with the baby it’s marriage, pension contributions and on the deeds.
If he doesn’t want that then it’s back to full time work. Plus a will that covers all eventualities and a lasting POA so that if he gets ill you get a say and not his parents.
Option 3 is separate, he pays child support or he has DC 50/50.
You’d be a fucking mug to let him have it all his own way.

These threads are depressingly common. Unmarried couple have a baby, but are too busy to get married, or it's not important now, we'll do it another time, let's save up yah de yah de yah. COVID was a fantastically convenient reason for so many men.

If he won't marry you pre baby, he won't marry you post baby.

This shit needs to be taught in schools.

(since some young women clearly aren't learning it at home or haven't lived long enough to see the fall out from their parents yet)

The most ridiculous pontificating for not marrying the mother of children I've seen is "he is traditional and wants a big traditional wedding" (He is not traditional since he did the baby before the marriage 😂)

@Juniperberry55 Surely if those family members already own a home, they will need at extra stamp duty as it won't be their primary residence and if there's a mortgage on the property wouldn't they need to be on the mortgage?
Also one of those family members could theoretically ask for their equity out of the house, it could be taken into consideration if they were to need care funded by the local authority, this seems risky

It’s a see-saw really with risk. Essentially, who do trust more, your immediate family or a pissed off spouse in the throes of divorce?

I gather it’s different here as we don’t pay extra stamp duty on additional residences. We pay extra land tax instead, however that’s only if the total of what you own goes over a certain value, so being on lots of ‘cheaper’ properties is no different to having one at a higher market price and then adding on. Also, you would have capital gains tax on a non-residential, but that’s only in the event of a sale, envisaged never to happen (that’s the whole point of keeping it in back pocket). I gather we have a different system.

Someone asking for equity out. Sure, could happen. If you want to piss your family off enough. Irrespective, even so, the upside of having numerous owners is in the event of this happening, with a small entry level property, it’s not much for the others left to kick in.

Re the care aspect, not relevant to DH or I (alternative pathway organised😁) and all the siblings have several decades to go until they get to that. At that point hopefully everyone who is partnered/married can’t be bothered with divorce at that age, and you can only plan to a point.

Forgot to add, yes, they all go on the mortgage as well. One person pays but they all use same bank and everyone has visibility to all loans/payments and we have some financial guru’s in the pack who track stuff with no effort, keep on top of equity spreadsheets etc. Apparently all easy, takes little work.

@mylovedoesitgood But if that small portion ends up being huge, or the partial home owner has other assets that the spouse can go after as part of the settlement, it’s likely they’ll believe spending a lot of money on legal advice is worthwhile

The small portion will never be huge in this case though as we are only talking about first market entry properties which serve a dual purpose - market entry and fall back escape if ever needed.

Why is he not compensating you for the childcare you are providing? At the very least you should be paid a nanny's wage. If you are having to dip into your savings to live, then he is taking advantage of you. He's basically getting free full-time childcare and housekeeping at your expense!

Complete and utter bullshit, not to mention very badly written.

I should report this for sheer bullshit. Men are not called a cocklodgers on Mumsnet ever if they do all of the childcare. She doesn’t even just do all of the childcare here, she still funds herself too.

She is not working because she is caring for THEIR child.
A cocklodger doesn't bear and provide primary care for a baby.

Oh come on, u certainly playing the victim, you agreed not to go back to work, so your choice, why should your name be put onmortgage, you have no job and your not married, if the roles where reversed there would uproar and male partner would be called a cocklodger.

Housework should be split proportional to salaries?!
So if they both work a 35 hour week but one earns 30k and the other 60k, the lower earner does twice as much housework even though they’re both working outside the house for the same amount of time?
Better tell my husband to do some more cleaning then as right now we do the same amount around the house, but I earn more.

we read it all the time on here,
Correction: those of us who read here often are aware of it. Some who have enough life experience (not the OP) and some who have family / friends who have been through it are aware of it. Not everyone does.

This entirely
I feel for you OP. You are in a very vulnerable position.
Of course, you should be on the deeds.
The difficulty is that it will be near impossible to change your partner's mindset.
You have a child together, you are a family.
I hope you find the strength to make the right decision

He isn’t on your team op. He’s just setting things up how it works for him and you’re collateral damage.

She does need to receive the money for it though; this is a man who wants her at home and unemployed but doesn’t fund her.

You really must claim for it though, it's for your own future! You don't need to receive the money for it but you should claim the credits.

You can claim child benefit. However he will have to pay it back through his tax return.
You should claim it, as it will also mean you get National Insurance credits towards your state pension, until your child turns 12.

I have a slightly different view, I’d go back to work and then child care / housework / bills (excluding the mortgage) should be split proportionally to your salaries. But if he is buying the house and paying the mortgage I don’t think you should be on the deeds.
I’d also want any life insurances / the will to go to you / the child. As that is security in the event of something awful happening. I hope you manage to come to a meaningful agreement

First thing op:

Get a full time job

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
good one
he'd have to see her as being of some value rather than just his serf

Yeah this was a bit of a silly move. Is he contributing to your pension at least whilst you’re not working?

I am sorry you are in this position. At least you see it now and can take steps to protect yourself. You clearly "see" him now and see what he thinks of you. Noting your savings are almost used up. Does he continue to generate savings for "himself"? There is no financial equality here as far as I can see. He continues to earn and enhance his earning potential/promotion potential. You are on thin ice, financially. He refuses to resolve a situation that is unfairly balanced, to his favour. Honestly, a good person would NOT put you in this position.i would add up the loss earnings and savings spent. I would add up what he had saved in childcare and anything else he has refused to pay. I would ask him to make a proposal on how he would like to address the imbalance. If he won't, you know where you stand and its up to you if you want to accept that (it will fester and impact you) or take steps to get out of this situation. You can fix this. Its worth addressing the issue now, before it worsens.

Sadly, you've got yourself into a very vulnerable position.
Ultimate time!
If he wants you to remain at home he has to either marry you or put you on the house deeds.
If he won't, then you have to find a job - either PT or FT. Or leave him and apply for CMS etc....
He sounds quite controlling and possibly abusive going by his behaviour.

You need to make your own way in the world. He has no intention of marrying you or helping you build a joint financial asset.

Get a job , claim child benefit and start asserting yourself.