Partner won’t put me on deeds to the house

I hope you can see what an awful position he is putting you in op. He is positioning himself to be very controlling of you - this is very unhealthy

He won’t let you work
He won’t support you to be secure financially
He won’t offer you marriage despite having a child together

You have used up your nest egg just surviving the last few years. You are very vulnerable.

I hope you are listening. You have a chance to turn this around, but you will need to be assertive and strategic. You can not afford to be fluffy or emotional. He is being cold blooded with his choices, you need to do the same.

Go back to work
and refuse to move into another house without being married or on the deeds

you need to be as stubborn as him

he is presently amassing all the assets without having to pay childcare and you have depleted your savings and all you have (which is a lot but doesn’t pay the bills) is a child

so go back to work
say he has to pay 50% and do 50% drop offs and pick ups

your career break is small it’s easier to go back now

you would just be protecting yourself financially like he is

Would the woman in that situation have all the money and control?

Yes but are there many Mumsnetters who are Mum's with a SAHP who their insist stays at home as the child is too young at 2 to go to nursery- I wouldn't think many, in fact I would imagine that would be a zero.

So women moves her baby daddy in then he complains he is not on the deeds mn would say get hin on there wuixk smart? Really?

so he is controlling he is the problem not your inlaws

you can stay like this I think you need to set out

(a) you are going back to work he cannot both complain about not contributing and not allowing you to work
(b) no more children without marriage
(c)if marriage doesn’t happen soon you are leaving
(d) he needs to change his will and life insurance

and leave if he doesnt

Well the first thing to do is take out life assurance on him yourself. The second thing to do is to take stock. Look into going back to work and nursery.
You need to strengthen your position. He does not seem to be a man of his word. You don't have to agree to move into a bigger place either.

Yes, get a job and arrange the childcare. It's not up to him. He's evidently not funding you to be at home anyway, if you're using your savings, so he doesn't have control.

Take your right-wing clap-trap elsewhere.

Bit late for that now, OP. You’re in a situation where you’re in an unmarried partnership where he won’t marry you, won’t let you work, and won’t put your name on any assets. You’re up shit creek if he leaves you. What’s your next move?

He can’t have it both ways. If he “doesn’t want you to work” then he needs to provide you with money to live on and financial security.
Also, why is it his choice whether you work or not - it’s yours!
He sounds incredibly controlling and this could be considered financial abuse. Don’t have more children with him or you will be even more trapped and vulnerable.
Tell him you WANT to go back to work, especially as he’s not giving you any money other than paying the bills, and he doesn’t get to choose whether that happens - you do.

Bit late for that now, OP. You’re in a situation where you’re in an unmarried partnership where he won’t marry you, won’t let you work, and won’t put your name on any assets. You’re up shit creek if he leaves you. What’s your next move?

A woman who was the sole earner, guilted her male partner into not working and had him using his savings to manage on would have her arse handed to her.

You carefully omitted the key detail that in this case there is a shared child and that he is the one wanting her to stay home and have more children whilst the OP wanted to return to work.

Frankly she should run a mile from this prince.

You have put yourself in a very vulnerable position. He can ask you to leave at any point ... tomorrow, in 5 years, in 25 years. You will have nothing. You need a plan to be financially independant - now, not in 3 years.

By the way there is no chance on earth that any Mumsnetters would suggest a woman who owns a house put a partner on the deeds if the relationship is a ‘bit rocky’ even if the partner was a SAHparent.

By the way there is no chance on earth that any Mumsnetters would suggest a woman who owns a house put a partner on the deeds if the relationship is a ‘bit rocky’ even if the partner was a SAHparent.

Your partner is a twat. I'd be making preparations to leave.

He doesn’t get to dictate your life and you are contributing your labour.

Go back to work at tell him he needs to pull his weight on the nursery runs, the sick days and the housework. If he doesn’t want to do that then he needs to accept joint finances, put you on the deeds and ensure you and the child are protected in the event of anything happening to him.

But in your position I’d be back at work like a shot and planning life as a single parent, definitely not more children with him. He has made it plain how little he values you, don’t expect that to change. Consider how you want to spend the next 30 years of your life - you will have more security in your life and for your child if you look after yourself.

Women are always told not to put men on the deeds of a house they own in here so it should work both ways

He doesn't like the two year old going to nursery because why would he? He has to pay for that, whereas he can get you to do it for free. Given he isn't sharing the ownership of the house he'd have to pay for it himself anyway. So for the price of feeding her he gets childcare/sex/housekeeping for free.

Run a MILE op.

If he's not marrying you? He's just not that into you.

If I was the one with the house I wouldn’t put someone else on the deeds but if I were the partner of the person with the house I’d want my name on the deeds. If you have a slightly less than perfect relationship I’d deffinitly not want your name on the deeds. Another reason would be if his parents helped him buy the house. He may want to protect his ‘family’ money.
I think you have been foolish not working. You are saying it’s his choice but it’s up to you whether you work or not. Was the baby actually planned?
So many couple have babies without sorting all of this type of stuff out.

My adult kids all own properties and I’d advise them not to put other people on their deeds (if they asked me). If the relationship is long term and stable then the partner gets to live in the house. Not having your name on the deeds is only relevent if you split up and if you split up then he obviously wouldn’t want you to have the house.

Who will his life insurance go to if he won't put you on it?

He can't justify refusing to give you any financial security at the same time as telling you that you can't go back to work. He sounds awful, financially abusive and controlling.

A two year old isn't too young for nursery. Go back to work and if he doesn't want to put his child in nursery, he can be a stay at home dad.

Don't have any more children with him.

So he’s controlling and financially abusive? I’ll bet the minute your 2 year old turns three he’ll start making noises about having another baby, because he’ll want you at home for another 3 years, cooking and cleaning for him. You are financially insecure and he could kick you out on the street tomorrow if he felt like it. He’s not interested in making you feel secure so you can safely assume he doesn’t see this relationship going the distance.