Partner won’t put me on deeds to the house

So he didn’t want you to work until your child is older, but he’s not been sharing his money besides paying for the absolute essentials, and so you e used up your savings whilst caring for his child and cleaning his house for him, cooking his meals. He’s a dickhead and if he’s not prepared to share his wages properly he absolutely doesn’t get to tell you that you shouldn’t go back to work! (I mean, he doesn’t get to decide that either way, but even more reason!).

The time for you to be giving ultimatums was before you had a baby and gave up work

I highly doubt that he won’t ever put you on the deeds or get married

he knows exactly what this means financially for him and he isn’t going to do

i also think that he won’t pay 50 percent of child care

he will say you chose to go back to work so you can pay for it and arrange it

he will also probably refuse to do any drop offs and pick up or take days off if your child is ill

his anwser will be well you can stay at home as we agreed

men like him don’t like it when there little robot stars to malfunction and develop a brain of their own

How do you know he wants a second child because the op hasn’t said that on here

edited to add op is the one in a vulnerable position here so the question would be why would she want another child? (But no one has said they do)

Once again the menz brigade cherry pick the points and leave out the most salient.

The baby daddy won’t have taken the maternity hit or any of the future planned maternity hits. The clue is in the name. Statistically paternity brings a career benefit, maternity brings a career hit to lifetime pay and pension.

As per pp - any woman posting on here that she expected a male partner to stay home and provide free housekeeping and childcare but not to put any financial protections in place for him would have their arse handed to them.

I didn't marry DH until our DC were both here so I was a SAHM to our children unmarried. It is a bit different as I was quite a high earner prior to our first child being born and we bought a place together with quite a big mortgage due to my earnings. We had DS quite young and my DH, partner at the time was still qualifying to be an Architect so no massive income. However, I was a SAHM unmarried for a long time and my DH wouldn't have dreamed of not putting me on the deeds of the house we moved to when I still was a SAHM, he also transferred some NI earnings for the state pension. He's pretty old fashioned though in that he absolutely thinks he should be providing for his children's security, he's very driven and proud about that. He wouldn't dream of thinking about his exit plan and how he could screw me over as he loved me, the Mother of his children! I earn good money now so more of a level playing field but even now that doesn't really matter to him.

Get yourself on the deeds and on any new mortgage. I think you should agree that he can ring fence any deposit/equity in the house that was there before the baby was born, but any increase since then you should have an equal share in.
You are contributing equally to the relationship, just not financially at the moment.
You shouldn’t have had to use your savings at all, if he didn’t want you to work. His pension will also be looked after whilst your private pension is nothing. I hope at least you have been receiving child benefit so that your National insurance contributions have been automatically paid for you - for a state pension in the future.

He can’t have his cake and eat it.

So then if she doesn’t like it she has to take control and do something about it

Then she needs to make her own financial situation better by going to work and they’d have to come to some arrangement.

You say that he refuses to update his will @HannahXsanderson . What would happen to you and your DC if your partner died tomorrow? Who are the beneficiaries of his present will?

I’m not sure an ultimatum is the best idea considering he could end the relationship today and OP would be homeless and penniless.

I find these threads so bloody depressing - why do so many women give up their jobs and make themselves entirely dependent on a man? 😩

The point is it’s not up to her it’s up to the person already on the deeds

This is why, unless you have substantial assets of your own you should get married before you have kids.

Why are women still doing this? There are a million other threads on this. Why have you made yourself so ridiculously vulnerable op?

Sadly this @HannahXsanderson

I'll be amazed if he marries you.

I mean it’s too late now but this should have been sorted out before you had a baby.

At this point you’ve got no choice but to go back to work so that you have contribute to house and have your name on the deeds. If he refuses, you really haven’t got much choice other than to end the relationship.

Give him an ultimatum

what on earth were you thinking to give up your job without being married. you realise that you will be entitled to precisely nothing in the event of a separation?

And what does it mean he doesn't want you to work until DC turns 3? Do you need his permission to work? if he wants his child to be looked after at home, then he should do it.

There are just so many red flags. Please get a full time job and protect yourself.

And please educational yourself about your rights (or lack of) in the current situation!

This. You'd be crazy to!

He’s not that committed to you, the mother of his child. You are in a vulnerable position. Get yourself back to work and he will need to pay / contribute for childcare.

Real men form partnerships with the mothers of their children, both emotional and legal in the form of marriage. This has multiple benefits in that it is the strongest way to raise the child and also allows the mother to devote her time in her child's early years knowing that she is protected. Real men don't have to be begged to do this, they just do it because they know it makes sense.

You have neither an emotional or a legal partnership here. It sounds like this man feels you should be grateful to him that he allows you to be in his space. You need to make a decision - do you get tough with him knowing that any concessions you receive will not have been freely given or do you cut your losses and move towards independence? Either way you need to do something. If you have a daughter she will learn that this is what she should expect to receive from her partner and if you have a son he will learn that this is how he should treat his partner. Far better to be raised by a strong single mother than a subservient one. How dare he treat you like this? You deserve much better.

No idea logic would ensure both partners are financially independent of the other

So ok , he bought the house, but you e been his free nanny cook and cleaner for two years. Tell him he owes you 1k x24 months in lieu of paying for nursery fees which would have been 2k a month..
don’t have more kids with him if his attitude doesn’t change, you’ll be stuck and home with the kids for 5-6 more years and when you renter the workforce you’ll find your skills have become outdated.
Think it’s ultinatum time.. if he won’t put u on the deeds, either go back to work now or leave him

He’s set things up nicely for himself, hasn’t he? Where’s the risk for him in all of this? If your relationship ends he stays in his home, keeps working & owes you nothing. He doesn’t appear to see you as his family so child maintenance will be like getting blood out of a stone.

Nothing in what you’ve written suggests he cares for your short or long term happiness & security. He sounds cold, controlling, arrogant & selfish. Why on earth would you marry or stay with a man like this? As others have said, do not have more children with him. I’d be job hunting & planning my exit.

You absolutely need to go back to work as he is proven himself not to be dependable, to be controlling and he doesn't really sound like he loves you.