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Original poster

Partner won’t put me on deeds to the house

565 replies

HannahXsanderson · 21/07/2025 06:55

Hello,
AIBU I have been with my partner for 5 years and we have a 2 year old together, things have been slightly rocky since having our child but other than that our relationship is good. We currently live in my partners house which he had bought before we met. I contributed to the house before baby arrived but haven’t went back to work as my partner very fortunately earns a good wage and doesn't want me me to go back to work until our child is 3 and starts nursery. We are planning on moving into a bigger family home this year and I assumed that I would be made a co-owner. I brought this up to my partner and he said absolutely not because I’m not financially contributing.
I disagree with this as I feel that I am contributing in the sense that I’m brining up his child and keeping his house clean ect ect.. I just find it very odd that we are in a well established relationship and he said once we buy a house he wants to get married, so my thought is what’s the problem with me being put on the deeds to our family home?
I feel very insecure about this, I saved up money to keep myself going these past couple of years and my savings are nearly done, so it’s not as if he hands me money ect… he pays bills and food shopping.
I feel that he is reluctant on making a commitment and especially a financial commitment not even just to me but his own child. He also refuses to update his will or life insurance policy if anything were to happen to him.
Am I expecting too much?
I feel that I need to have some sort of security about our relationship especially since I’m dependent on him. I also feel that we’re not equal as he makes comments that this is his house ect..

OP posts:
NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 21/07/2025 10:28

PollyBell · 21/07/2025 08:18

No idea logic would ensure both partners are financially independent of the other

Show quote history

If you’re going to make a ridiculous comparison then at least consider that all the circumstances should be the same in both scenarios.

mylovedoesitgood · 21/07/2025 10:26

Newbigginboy · 21/07/2025 10:19

Do yourself a favour go and get some legal advice and make contact with your local women's support group. As far as I understand it, you are defacto a common law wife and therefore would be entitled to at least half of all assets including pensions etc upon separation. It doesn't matter what he says or thinks, what matters is the law. Whatever you do start saving for a fuck off fund in case you feel you need to leave. All the best and get the legal advice IMHO.

Common law spouses have no legal recognition of their relationships, that’s why everyone’s saying OP has to protect herself and her child by not relying financially on her boyfriend anymore.

Cadenza12 · 21/07/2025 10:25

I think that you need to do 2 things, get back to work and get married. At least you would have so e financial security.

Worriedmum67 · 21/07/2025 10:24

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 21/07/2025 07:48

She didn’t have to put herself in this situation. It was a choice.

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But a choice they made both together as a couple.

Harassedevictee · 21/07/2025 10:20

HannahXsanderson · 21/07/2025 07:30

I’d be happy to go back to work, but my partner feels our 2 year old is to young for nursery. I did a couple of shifts when my maternity ended but he didn’t like me going to work and would create an atmosphere about it. The ups and downs in our relationship have been to do with the in-laws not necessarily us.

Please listen to the advice on here. For you and your child’s sake you need to go back to work.

What he is doing is leaving you with no savings, no home, no income and no pension. This is tying you to him as you can’t afford to leave.

You need to get your own income and he needs to contribute at least 50% to childcare including housing, clothes food as well as nursery.

Harassedevictee · 21/07/2025 10:20

HannahXsanderson · 21/07/2025 07:30

I’d be happy to go back to work, but my partner feels our 2 year old is to young for nursery. I did a couple of shifts when my maternity ended but he didn’t like me going to work and would create an atmosphere about it. The ups and downs in our relationship have been to do with the in-laws not necessarily us.

Please listen to the advice on here. For you and your child’s sake you need to go back to work.

What he is doing is leaving you with no savings, no home, no income and no pension. This is tying you to him as you can’t afford to leave.

You need to get your own income and he needs to contribute at least 50% to childcare including housing, clothes food as well as nursery.

Harassedevictee · 21/07/2025 10:20

HannahXsanderson · 21/07/2025 07:30

I’d be happy to go back to work, but my partner feels our 2 year old is to young for nursery. I did a couple of shifts when my maternity ended but he didn’t like me going to work and would create an atmosphere about it. The ups and downs in our relationship have been to do with the in-laws not necessarily us.

Please listen to the advice on here. For you and your child’s sake you need to go back to work.

What he is doing is leaving you with no savings, no home, no income and no pension. This is tying you to him as you can’t afford to leave.

You need to get your own income and he needs to contribute at least 50% to childcare including housing, clothes food as well as nursery.

Harassedevictee · 21/07/2025 10:20

HannahXsanderson · 21/07/2025 07:30

I’d be happy to go back to work, but my partner feels our 2 year old is to young for nursery. I did a couple of shifts when my maternity ended but he didn’t like me going to work and would create an atmosphere about it. The ups and downs in our relationship have been to do with the in-laws not necessarily us.

Please listen to the advice on here. For you and your child’s sake you need to go back to work.

What he is doing is leaving you with no savings, no home, no income and no pension. This is tying you to him as you can’t afford to leave.

You need to get your own income and he needs to contribute at least 50% to childcare including housing, clothes food as well as nursery.

RareLemur · 21/07/2025 10:19

What is his excuse for not updating his will or life insurance? It won't be any skin off his nose, he'll be dead.
Right now you are in a precarious position financially. I would strongly suggest that you go back to work.

Newbigginboy · 21/07/2025 10:19

Do yourself a favour go and get some legal advice and make contact with your local women's support group. As far as I understand it, you are defacto a common law wife and therefore would be entitled to at least half of all assets including pensions etc upon separation. It doesn't matter what he says or thinks, what matters is the law. Whatever you do start saving for a fuck off fund in case you feel you need to leave. All the best and get the legal advice IMHO.

Bollindger · 21/07/2025 10:16

Come on, Marriage and a cohabitation agreement both need the no cooperative partner to sign something.
To make a legal commitment.
A person who owns a house and has children can say no to both and the other person has no legal back other than to accept nothing.
Common law needs to be used to address this matter providing consent without paperwork to protect the poorer partner.
If you lived together 15 years had children and your partner died, the partner’s parents or siblings, even the children could take the house and any assets, leaving the other partner penniless.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 21/07/2025 10:11

Horses7 · 21/07/2025 09:56

Get married asap at least you’ll have some financial security.

Why would he marry her? There’s absolutely nothing in it for him at this point.

pinkdelight · 21/07/2025 10:09

I don't think I would get a job and contribute to a house I didn't own.

Oh god, yes, even if (hopefully when and very soon!) you go back to work, don't be paying for his house without being on the deeds or being married. Use your money to rebuild your savings and get your own place. I'm afraid it sounds like you'll need it because guys like this very rarely change. It's his way or the highway, so you need to get your own finances in order and not rely on him.

Viviennemary · 21/07/2025 10:05

If you knew what he was like you it was unwise to get into this situation. However, you have to weigh up the situation as it is now. Do you just carry on being financially dependent or do you leave and become a single parent. I don't think I would get a job and contribute to a house I didn't own.

TipsyFairyHic · 21/07/2025 10:05

user1492757084 · 21/07/2025 10:02

If you are with this fellow for the long term you will need to hasten the marriage. How can you feel at all secure without marriage?
Once you have the new home and are married, go to see a Financial Advisor together (or see one at the Bank during the house search) to learn how best you can together create family wealth.
Trust in each other to save and have a similar view on future financial security - for the whole family.

If all this sounds far fetched then you are possibly with the wrong man.

Why would she want to saddle herself with a man who treats her so badly?

Have you read and understood how he behaves?

SevernWonders · 21/07/2025 10:04

Lafufufu · 21/07/2025 07:04

I mean the horse has bolted. You are in a poor financial position...

I wouldn't be having another child unless I was married

for now I would be looking to get back in work FT ASAP.
he can "not like it" but he either needs to give you financial security as you can be sahm or you need to get it yourself ie paid employment.
He cant eat his cake and have it.

Make sure childcare costs are split proportional to net take home pay and when you go FT make sure you over pay into your pension (you should put in at least half your age as a percentage eg 15% at 30)

You will need this security as right now you have no claim on / right to anything beyond cms if it goes tits up

Edited

100% this. Absolutely spot on advice from lafufufu

Genevieva · 21/07/2025 10:04

TipsyFairyHic · 21/07/2025 10:00

And then get a good lawyer for a divorce.

Honestly, the advice here is dire.

It's perpetuating the 'little woman must rely on a man' rather than be able to support herself.

If he has any brain at all, he won't marry her as he knows he'd have to pay up if they split up.

Show quote history

Which is why women who plan to give up work when they have children should always get married before having children. The reality is that this set up remains common and mothers remain more likely to be vulnerable and more likely to fall into poverty if a relationship breaks down.

TipsyFairyHic · 21/07/2025 10:03

OP I think it's clear to other people that your relationship is one-sided. He doesn't put you first and is controlling.

Do you really want to stay with this kind of man?
You've set the bar low.

You need to get work. With an income you can eventually find housing (build up a deposit and don't tell him.)
Enrol your child at a nursery- 30 hours free childcare.

Make a plan to leave.

You will have a life of misery with this man and he may leave you anyway - so you need to support yourself.

user1492757084 · 21/07/2025 10:02

If you are with this fellow for the long term you will need to hasten the marriage. How can you feel at all secure without marriage?
Once you have the new home and are married, go to see a Financial Advisor together (or see one at the Bank during the house search) to learn how best you can together create family wealth.
Trust in each other to save and have a similar view on future financial security - for the whole family.

If all this sounds far fetched then you are possibly with the wrong man.

TipsyFairyHic · 21/07/2025 10:01

mylovedoesitgood · 21/07/2025 10:00

He won’t marry her - there’s no benefit for him.

Exactly.

TipsyFairyHic · 21/07/2025 10:00

Genevieva · 21/07/2025 09:58

This is why marriage exists: to protect women. Please get married.

And then get a good lawyer for a divorce.

Honestly, the advice here is dire.

It's perpetuating the 'little woman must rely on a man' rather than be able to support herself.

If he has any brain at all, he won't marry her as he knows he'd have to pay up if they split up.

mylovedoesitgood · 21/07/2025 10:00

He won’t marry her - there’s no benefit for him.

TipsyFairyHic · 21/07/2025 09:58

Horses7 · 21/07/2025 09:56

Get married asap at least you’ll have some financial security.

You're assuming the man wants to!
If he's a tight as it appears, why would he?
She'd fleece him for money if they split up.

Genevieva · 21/07/2025 09:58

This is why marriage exists: to protect women. Please get married.

Horses7 · 21/07/2025 09:56

Get married asap at least you’ll have some financial security.