Partner won’t put me on deeds to the house

You've been told in no uncertain terms now, OP. I agree with the others - don't stay with him. He's got a cook, a servant and a nanny, and none of it costs him anything. Don't even think about having another child with him. Don't believe him now if he says he'll change his will. Wills can be rewritten in minutes. You can't trust this man. The very best you can do is get away and get child support.

Your kid is TWO. Old enough to go to nursery and you go to work.
simple as that.

but no, he says he doesn’t want that and hoppity hop, skippity skip you do as he says.

Seriously stop being a victim here. You have been incredibly foolish so far. Start making some adult choices. Go back to work, secure an income and start being independent.

He could kick you out tomorrow and you won’t have anything, but that’s what you got yourself into. You can get out if you want as well.

I’m so sick of reading these threads. ALL the same.

woman gives up her entire independence, goes to live in his home , then has a baby and cries about being vulnerable.

ALL of which she has complete control over yet refuses to take any responsibility for her own life.

This is on you op. How in this day and age are some women choosing to do this and then cry victim.

And it’s always the same, never married, has a baby, completely dependent on one person. If you willingly and knowingly make that decision that is on you.

So no marriage, no pension, no house, no income of your own, not even child benefit.

Did it never occur to you that he is fucking you over massively?

I think you know everything you need to know. Get out. you will be entitled to child maintenance but the rest would be a total deal breaker. And I can tell you that men like him will not change. He is just going to string you along for a little while longer.

Being not married is your main problem long term if the relationship was to end. However there may be certain rights to having a roof over your and your child’s head until he/she is 18 years old. I think you need legal advice to protect against a worst case scenario. His attitude to money, the house, your work however is very Victorian, he’s living in the 19th century tbh. You may have some leverage if he wants to move to a bigger house, you could suggest or insist that you get married before a house move, if only in a Registry Office. A lawyer will advise you but it would be possible to have both your names on the deeds of a new house and it doesn’t have to be a 50/50 split necessarily, it could be 60/40, 70/30 under Tenants in Common.

So my advice is don’t have another child or move house until you are married, see a lawyer, keep a record book and receipts and payments you make to support the household arrangements in case it is needed in the future. You are definitely not being unreasonable to protect the livelihood of you and your child. You sound like a very nice person but you need to be firm and tough. Good luck.🙂

He’s using you as a breeder for his kids. Once they’re both at school he’ll leave you with absolutely nothing.

I really wish they’d teach how to avoid this kind of shit in school. You’re in SUCH a precarious situation now.

I’d suggest insisting on marriage but I don’t think that’s a good idea as he is already trying to financial abuse you, to control in you unto being a SAHM with no income and no voice.

Options:

1. Leave, get a job, find better more responsible partner.

I don’t think he necessarily needs to put you on the deeds to his current home, but he should also be amenable to you insisting that you need to return to work and build your own financial security. If you get married and are a SAHM of course then you’d be right to expect to be on the deeds of a future home. If he doesn’t want you to return to work you need to have a frank conversation about what he expects in terms of sharing a life and child - is it that you take on all the caring and all the financial risk and he gets to feather his own nest? Because that isn’t fair and isn’t the basis for a partnership.

No. I'd* be covering the finances through working, It's a partnership.

*I or they. I'm responding contextually.

"Free sex" 😂

Not like all that sex women usually have to pay for.

I think marriage is bad plan... I think op should simply get a job, move out independently (if she can) and sort child support with a solicitor and newly ex partner. If he marries her, she still won't be on deeds poll, she still won't work and it would be hard to leave marriage if she doesn't work, marriage or not.

Op this gets worse.
You need your child benefit to pay your n.i stamp
You can claim child benefit and he can put it in his earnings
You are being financially abused .

You are going to have to take a step back and lol at the kind of relationship you’re in. Abusive and controlling.

Never have a child with a man without getting married first... jeezz... this is getting boring. He has it all - a kid, free childcare/housekeeper and a house. You will be left penniless when this is all over. You need to give him an ultimatum. Either he puts you on the deeds or you are going back to work (with the cost of the nursery shared between you). I don't see any other option.

OP your situation is precarious. You need to get back to work for your own financial security.
And claim the child benefit, he can pay it back.
Everything you have said sounds like he will only do what is beneficial to HIM. You need to think about you.

OP, this morning’s woman’s hour was on financial abuse reflecting on how this is a form of coercive control. There were some extreme case mentioned but the general definition includes ‘preventing a partner working’ and also mentions how this situation can often escalate once you have children. Might this be a useful listen? They mentioned a helpful organisation on this: https://survivingeconomicabuse.org

When you go back to work, don't contribute financially but split up and buy your own house. At least you'd have something to fall back on then.

You can still claim it and he has to pay it back in taxes.

So tell him @HannahXsanderson it's time to put up or shut up. If you're not married or in a civil partnerhip in the next 3/12 you'll be leaving and claiming CMS.

Because you have given him all the benefits of marriage (children, woman at home to make his life easier, regular sex) without him having to make the legal and financial commitment.

As the saying goes you’ve given/are giving him the milk for free so why would he buy the cow.

This has all the makings of financial abuse.

To make her stay, and for him to maintain the status quo, which suits him enourmously.

You should claim it anyway and he pays it back. Because then you get National Insurance credits.

So she needs to remind him of her worth then? He sees her as his property or as a threat to his financial well being. He doesn't see her value to him as he's got everything without sacrificing anything.