Ex signed son up to play for football

If you can’t, you can’t. That is just reality. Don’t waffle or be ashamed. Just say “I can’t make it work. If you can’t then that is that.” Justvtell your son “Dad made a mistake in booking the class. Lets see if he can fix it.”

if he wants your son to do it, he can change his schedule to make it work.

It's not an issue though. Nope, can't do it. No sorry, no explanation. Only communicate through a parenting app. It just doesn't matter what your ex thinks or wants.

I'd do this too. One late evening a week won't do them any harm. Ex and baby's dad can help out when available, and lifts can be scrounged/shared once they get to know the team.
Can't just say no because there's a new baby whose dad isn't around...

I would take the younger ones with me as I did when my dc were young. Baby came with us in PJ's.

How would you make it work in the situation the OP describes?
You might have a good idea that would work for her.

There is absolutely no way that I could deny my son this opportunity.

I would find a way to make it work, somehow.

Talk to your ex about it.
Hey ex, it's great that DS got onto the county football team, however, I'm not in a position to be able to take him to training and the matches because x,y and z. Of course, I want him to participate but it just doesn't work for us. Can we think of some other solutions together?
See what he comes up with.

Also, if it's not possible, it's not possible and that's it. We can't do everything we want to in life. Something will have to give.

You can't take him. Don't tie yourself in knots trying to work out ways to do this. Doesn't matter that it's one of 'your' days - you already help out with school runs on his days. Ex can either change his work pattern or find someone else to help - family, friend, another parent, pay for a taxi - but it's not up to you to organise.

There’s either some sort of solution the adults can come to together or there isn’t.

Your ex shouldn’t just be booking it and dumping all the logistics on you. Is it possible to have a sensible conversation with him. As others have said, you don’t need a long or emotional explanation- the facts speak for themselves. Don’t make the mistake of going in there panicked or angry - just approach from the pov of what is or isn’t possible.

Is there any extended family on his side who can help? Can your exh change his late working day?

I definitely agree that no more babies should be brought into this mix!

Oh. Only the OP says "I’ve got three children with ex partner".
I guess it doesn't matter, it's still a lot to ask.

It's a bit unclear but read to me like it's the county club, which makes sense of why all the matches are so far-flung.

If the matches are 4/5 hours away, he's playing for counties then a coach will be provided for the team.

Have you asked about this?
I know that kids like their parents there to watch them. It can be a pain.

I believe it was scheduled on his night originally.

Did your ex discuss this with you prior to signing your son up? We're you aware of all the details before your son was signed up? Your ex must have been aware of the details before signing your son up, so therefore must have known when the training session would be, where and the time. He must have known he worked late, so couldn't take him, so therefore had already decided it would be your issue. You have 4 children (3 with your ex and 1 with your partner), that all need caring for, and given opportunities. It's fantastic your son is showing talent, but that can't override the rest of the families needs. You can't fit this training into your day, whilst you have other children, needing your time. Tell your ex, he will have to take your son, because you can't physically fit it into your day, he signed your son up, so he needs to find a solution. Going forward, there needs to be a discussion regarding the football, assuming your ex finds a solution, because you can't take him to all matches either.

So it's not your ex's fault then?
Can you explain what level of football you're talking about? If it's a professional club academy then you could between you, prioritise this and drop all the other teams /activities. Ex will have to make changes to work and you'll have to make arrangements to facilitate this for your son. If it's just another local club then it shouldn't be a priority. It all depends if you and your Ex think it's worth it.

I think baby is not ex husbands child.
3 total.

And another one as well I think?
3 children with ex - 12 and 6 and ??
1 baby with current partner.

What age is the 3rd one with your ex?

Is it maybe difficult because you feel like you can't defy your ex? Do you feel that you have to do what he says in order to keep the peace and there will be a scene if you don't make it happen?

Completely understandable if there is a history of this, but really important to be accept that you are one person, you can't be in two places at once, let alone three, and unless he is going to facilitate this, it's not going to be possible. And not feel guilty. The more DC you have the more compromise there has to be, and that's ok. That's life.

You don't get to join this type of club because you want to make your ex feel guilty.

It is a fantastic opportunity, my DS wouldn't have a hope of ever achieving this.

You drop, Dad collects, or week on week off.
DH drops on match days.

I wouldn't have any more children.

Just ask what time he is picking him up.

There’s no way I’d let my son miss out on this opportunity. I’d agree to cover the training if his dad will do the weekend matches.

For one night per week, can you not just get your other kids ready for bed in the car at training? Supper, story, PJ’s - straight to bed when they get home? It’s pretty standard of what I did for years after having kids with a 7 yr gap

No, you cannot possibly manage this. You shouldn’t have to make long complicated excuses, the facts speak for themselves.

Either your ex takes DS or he can’t go, it really is that simple. Other arrangements might be possible in future, but if ex wants this, he must make it happen - for now at any rate. Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking it’s your fault.

Me and my friend both do. We touch upon all topics related to relationships and and parenting and we dont pull no punches when it comes to tough advice. Even when we have wildly different opinions we still appreciate each other's frank advice with no sugar coating or pussyfooting around.

Your ex signed him up, so it’s up to him to make it work and if he can’t then your son can’t go.
This isn’t your job to fix.