Lazy f**ker

My Dad took an early retirement at age 56, and I was stunned to see he learned to do the laundry and make a decent (not fancy) dinner for my working Mom. He could see it wasn't right for him to do nothing while she was working..... even if you are not working, it should be obvious that one person doesn't just skive off and watch someone else run around like crazy.

Sometimes people want to be told precisely what you want them to do.
I would literally write down a list of jobs he will do and what jobs you will do. Don't do a daily rota of it, just a simple - all washing up is for you to do and please don't let it sit around festering.. All cooking is for me to do.. We both decide meals and write shopping lists etc. A specific plan.
I would announce it excitedly saying that you are looking forward to having household equality and that if he is not prepared to commit to it he can tell you now or swap some jobs now so that you can consider if you want your retirement to look like what he is offering you.
Firm but honest and if possible friendly, goodluck with your future, it may work out!

To get into the habit of doing it. Yes it’s stupid, but that’s the life OP has chosen for the last 35 years and whether it’s silly or not, that’s the way it is, clearly, otherwise this thread wouldn’t be here.

Come on. Take time to what? Learn how to do stuff a child/teenager can do?

Anything to do with a car, karcher, lawn mower or power tools is not 'labour' for men. HTH

Is there any division of labour, or he does nothing? Does he look after cars, do the heavy gardening, house decoration, etc, or nothing?

Come on, telling him to do the on-line shopping is just petty. Probably takes you 5-10mins (thats what it takes me) and you'll only moan when he doesnt do it your way way, because i know i would!!

Absolutely though get him doing other stuff!

If she's hostile its because she can see him doing sfa for the foreseeable while she continues to do the lion's share which is unfair.

It's not like he's incapable.

Well she is free to leave… nobody is suggesting she shouldn’t. But she isn’t asking if she should leave. I’m sure she can take all comments and decide for herself.

He probably has no idea what needs to be done . It's like saying to a child to clean their room . Too abstract for his comprehension. Lists need to be done . I know it sounds like I'm suggesting you "train " him but I had the same issue with my retired DH . It needed to be pointed out . I also left the house to care for my friend but had a task to be done ready for him . Also asked his plans for the day and golf , etc .was OK but he needed to also do XYZ by a certain time .
It is a difficult transition time for both of you. If you really feel that there is no compromise then perhaps it is time to consider if you want to stay together.

In the unlikely event that it does work, OP will still know he is only doing it because he has no choice, not because he cares about her stress level and wants to lighten her burdens. Without care and concern for his partner, it's not much of a marriage.

She keeps refusing to do stuff for him and he will have to learn it himself… pretty simple really. Not guaranteed to work but it’s not exactly impossible that he may start doing things over time if she keeps refusing.

I just don’t know how men can morally sit on their arse watching their partners do everything. That’s not love imo. It baffles me that so many women enable it. I think young women like playing house and then it just sticks but I prefer family life as teamwork, not domestic servitude.

Good on you for making a stand, but I fear you’re years too late. A situation of entirely your own making.

Who wouldn't be hostile when dealing with such outrageous entitlement?
How is time going to change a selfish man into a giver?

If he doesn't want to discuss how to split responsibilities, then calmly tell him you're just going to pick the ones you don't mind and ignore the rest. Be prepared to follow through.

Agree. It's not up to women to teach men how to be adults. They have to figure it out for themselves.

I just don’t think retirement usually comes with a personality transplant.

Just to be clear, I’m not blaming OP for the lazy fucker and it’s definitely not her fault nor is it her job to “train” him.

OP, if you left before maybe it’s time to leave again, this time permanently?

I’d suggest you write down all youve got to do the following day and ask him what things he wants to do. That way he sees what it all is. Everything. Do that daily.

If he doesn't like it I’d remind him that if you split up he will have to do it all himself anyway so best gwt used to how the mop washing machine dishes bed making food shopping cooking meal prep daily life admin is all done as he’s have to do it all himself anyway,,

if he had enough brain cell to hold a job, surely he can realise the house need things done? Just to get clean laundry and food in the plate?

Why should it take time?

Split chores immediately, but pick the ones that would really drive you crazy if they are not done.

I pick cleaning and tidying up, I can't stand a messy house. I don't need to cook, I am happy to reheat a pack of soup for diner, so my DH would be in charge of cooking.

And stick with it!

It’s been 35 years and he’s just retired, it’s obviously going to take time. You sound you’re hostile