Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to afternoon tea

56 replies

Scramblingeggs · 20/07/2025 14:45

So not to drip feed, i have missed a few in-laws occasions (not all, I make the effort where I can) due to ill health, caring for my elderly parent and then bereavement. (I don't make the odd Christmas dinner or bday meal) I think it bugs them but I can't really help that.

MIL has big bday next week. Husband and I have offered to take her out for a meal next weekend. I found out a few days ago that an afternoon tea has been organised for her bday for today. This had been organised by the wider family group.

I have a really difficult week around the reasons at the beginning and I could do with a reset day, plus the expense of a 2nd meal out is challenging. Now I've heard this will have champagne and balloons etc involved and it seems like quite a big deal. AIBU to not go?

OP posts:
Original poster
Scramblingeggs · 20/07/2025 14:53

I wasn't invited because the organiser forgot to tell me. Their words not mine.

Maybe I should explain what I mean by reset day. My ankles are swollen due to some medication side effects and I've been advised to elevate where possible. Today is the only chance I have to do that.

I also received my mum's ashes this week and it floored me emotionally. Similarly my anxiety was then impacted.

So there is a bit of substance to it really.

OP posts:
Glitchymn1 · 20/07/2025 14:52

Torn. You are taking her out next weekend so I don’t think it’s a huge deal. How come you weren’t told about it?
I’d probably show my face for one drink to be honest, if it’s local.
What’s a reset day?

OliviaFlaversham · 20/07/2025 14:52

Of course it is fine not to go to something with such short notice.

Deadringer · 20/07/2025 14:50

Can you go the afternoon tea instead of bringing her out next weekend? It might meant a lot to her to have everyone there.

R0ckandHardPlace · 20/07/2025 14:49

I also struggle with flaking occasions due to a chronic illness that can’t be helped, but for a celebration of a big birthday of a close family member I’d push myself to attend even if I didn’t feel up to it. I’d be hurt if a close family member didn’t attend my own big birthday celebration because they wanted a ‘reset’ day.

YABU

PeapodMcgee · 20/07/2025 14:48

Have you been invited? Why didn't you know about it until a few days ago?

Swipe left for the next trending thread