What would you think of these comments? Nationality

60 replies

Tiredandcantbebothered1 · 20/07/2025 14:12

My grandfather was from a European country, my father is British and we have my grandfather's foreign surname.

I was born here, my Mum is British. I was asked at work by somewhere where I was from. I told her the local area, and she said, "No, where are you really from?"

Then someone at work asked me what wedding traditions were "In your country." I was like, I'm from the UK...
Just slightly ignorant perhaps if not necessarily ill-meaning?

OP posts:

myplace · 20/07/2025 15:09

It’s a Bulgarian name, but I don’t know much about Bulgaria.

Darragon · 20/07/2025 15:09

They're called microaggressions OP and those of us with foreign ties (e.g. 1st or 2nd gen immigrants) get this sort of nonsense sometimes. PoC tend to recognise it straight away as well because they experience it on the regular, too. It's rooted in xenophobia and people who do it defend it with "I was only being friendly" or "I was just trying to include you" or whatever other excuse they think will fly with the people around them. There's always an "I was only" or "they were only" and you get told to lighten up but honest to God it gets tiresome when it's the third time you've been asked "where are you really from" that day. 🙄

Rumple55 · 20/07/2025 15:08

I think it’s not allowed to be curious about people moving about the world, resettlling etc. It’s become taboo. Not everyone got the memo it’s not allowed.

BlueMum16 · 20/07/2025 15:05

This is complete unacceptable in the workplace. Time for diversity training for the team.

Didn't someone famous get slated/sacked for this exact same comment last year?

Found it.
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-63822940

Gwenhwyfar · 20/07/2025 15:05

millymollymoomoo · 20/07/2025 15:02

It’s not necessarily rude. They could just mean what’s your heritage. And that in itself is not rude.

No, I don't think it's rude either.
However, I think it's probably received differently by people of colour than it is by white people.

millymollymoomoo · 20/07/2025 15:02

It’s not necessarily rude. They could just mean what’s your heritage. And that in itself is not rude.

Iloveeverycat · 20/07/2025 15:00

They are very ignorant. I would say I am English if I was born here.

OneCalmFish · 20/07/2025 14:20

Ignorant but not intensionally rude, I’ve had it I live in Scotland was born here but have an accent from an English place due to living there during childhood. I get called English, asked what brings me here. Also a friend when I lived down there used to get asked where she was from, her dad was from Bangladesh we used to laugh how she was more English than I was. Some people assume a lot from appearances, names etc

StandFirm · 20/07/2025 14:18

It's othering and not ok to be honest. The where are you 'really' from is unacceptable.
On a lighter note, perhaps you can have fun getting creative and come up with the most outlandish wedding traditions as an answer. See if they bite and are as ignorant as they sound.

ComtesseDeSpair · 20/07/2025 14:17

I’d think just a bit ignorant but not malevolently so. And I think I’d just say, “I don’t know much about Bulgarian weddings, my grandfather emigrated here in 1940 and I don’t really have any connection to the country beyond having visited a couple of times.” I wouldn’t give it much headspace beyond that, presuming now you’ve told your colleague that you were born in the U.K. and are British she doesn’t keep on trying to insinuate you’re not “properly” British.

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