Not adding second wife to the deeds of our new house

No. You have missed the point. I'm saying she will be contributing to the house at least via housework because I know there's no way he will be doing all that himself.

No, I don't think I have

You're saying she should not pay towards her living costs, and not do any housework....?

She isn’t paying so should save the equivalent of paying a mortgage so she has security.
It often happens with marriages with children from different relationships, but it will depends what is in hill will to what will happen, often they allow their partner to stay until they die but the house is the dead parents children.

Yes, that's true but sadly in a lot of cases they wouldn't. I just don't like the thought of them having no where to go if anything happened and chances are she's been through enough with her ex and being a single mum for awhile. Since they're married I think sorting out security for them would be a good idea. I think he should be interested in discussing it at the very least. It is his wife after all. And no, it's not all on him either but they should sort out something

Tricky question and really need more information to say.

You don't mention age of the couple or the children and where these children from previous relationships live. She may not be contributing financially to the purchase or maintenance of the house but is that because his kids live with them and she is looking after them?

So if he leaves this to his kids, as soon as he dies, she becomes homeless - that seems tough if they are married. There are ways she can be protected from that i.e placing the house in Trust so she can live there until she dies if he passes first and then the house goes to his kids?

My Dad left my Mum and remarried, he brought the property to the 2nd marriage and financially supported them both, she never worked and was a housewife although none of us kids or hers lived with them. When they moved house she was put on the deeds.

They had mirror Wills sharing the money between the children from his and her previous marriages when the 2nd one of them died. Dad died first, so the ownership of the house passed to her and we three, his kids, never got to see a penny of his estate because stepmum changed her Will before she died. Her kids got everything.

Having said that, this is my husbands second marriage and he has kids from his previous marriage. He brought significant equity to the marriage so when we bought our first home together, we didn't need a mortgage but for years my income has contributed to the maintenance and upgrade to our home, paid for holidays etc.

We now own the house together as he added me to the deeds, it made me feel valued, trusted, accepted and longterm! We also have mirror Wills so we basically did exactly the same as my Dad and stepmum. We have discussed seeing a financial advisor to look at the split of ownership of the house but ultimately, that could leave the last of us standing, homeless. But it could also help protect us from care home fees.

Without more information, its difficult to say what she should do

What happens in the scenario she lives in the house for 10 years or some decent amount of time to feel like 'home' and he dies? She could be pushed from the only home she knows by his children (no matter what he says they will do).

He can set things up legally to ensure she will be able to stay in their 'home' in the event of his demise until she dies at which point the house assets can be distributed how they both agree.

if it's the matrimonial house she can have a claim on it or his estate especially if she has no income and he supports her. Would need more details like when was he house purchased etc

What if they’ve got their own dad to leave them an inheritance?

I remarried aged 58. My husband isn't on the deeds. My house will go to my children. He sold his house and has invested the money so could buy somewhere if he needed. He is also inheriting from his parents.(Mum dead and dad aged 97 and at end of life now though we may have care home fees to pay!) I do have that he has the right to remain after I die if I go first but just for 5 years. His children will inherit from him...well they will if he redoes the will which he still hasn't after he married me!! I would honour his wishes of his previous will though as I am better off than him at the moment.

I'm doing some big renovations on the house and am paying for them all.

If we downsize he would buy with me and I would give my kids money from the sale now.

Spot on. I’m totally amazed at the number of posts on MN that reference names being on house deeds, etc. But if you are married (not just living together) it makes no difference in the case of a divorce. The family home has special status in law.

No the DH is right. If she isn't contributing to the house she can't expect to be put on the deeds when he has his own children.

It sounds as though he wants to protect his assets so that his children will inherit them, which sounds reasonable to me. As his new wife she would inherit anyway unless he has made a trust Will stating that his children should inherit the house and his widow made a life tenant. My husband and I have just set up a trust Will just in case one of us dies and the other remarries and the children lose everything that both of us have worked hard for.

Why should the guy not be able to put his own kids first? Your friend sounds like a bit of a freeloader TBH.

I think the key point is that this is something everyone should discuss before marriage, particularly a second/third marriage, and before buying a house, and before writing a will.

I am currently helping deal with the mess resulting from a third marriage, in which the wife ended up with not only her late husband's house and personal effects but also family heirlooms belonging to his first and second wives. Luckily she didn't change her will after her husband died and before she died, or she could have left it all to her children from her first marriage, who have no blood connection whatsoever with the original owners of any of the stuff, rather than the direct descendants of the first two wives. As it is, her children will inherit a share of a house paid for entirely by a man who was already in his 70s when he married their mother.

This is one reason why I am never going to get married again.

Thing is we know nothing whatsoever about the financial situation of the OP's 'friend' and her husband, what assets they each have, what their salaries and earning capacities and pensions are, or why the wife is not contributing financially to the house (is it because she can't because she has no assets or income or because she will be maintaining her own separate assets and property and they will be keeping finances entirely separate, or because she's lazy and greedy). We don't know the number and ages of the couple's respective children (independent adults huge difference Vs pre schoolers) and if they plan any joint children. We certainly don't know how they split the housework and child rearing Vs out of the house/paid work and how that has affected their conversations and agreements about finances. So any discussion about all this is pure speculation and projection really.

All the OP asked was whether we'd be annoyed to not be on the deeds of the house if we were the wife, and it's very hard to answer that without knowing the full circumstances. I suppose in a vacuum I'd say yes I'd be annoyed, because at its heart marriage is a legal contract that entails committing to share assets fairly and to supporting one another financially, so in general I think I would expect to share the house, and for my part to share my own house and assets with my spouse and/or contribute equally or within my means financially to the partnership. But of course where there are (step) children to take into account everything does become more complicated...

To the PP that asked about vows, there's nothing about sharing assets in the minimum legal vows for either a marriage or a civil partnership, they really are very brief and just essentially cover the fact each party agrees to legally marry the other, but it doesn't matter whether you explicitly agree to dividing your assets fairly on divorce or death, by agreeing to legally marry and signing on the dotted line that's what you've signed up to. All the various Christian forms of marriage ceremony including the book of common prayer version, and most traditional civil vows however do include a financial commitment ('with all my worldly goods I thee endow' being the book of common prayer version although only the man says that bit, the woman traditionally having no goods other than herself with which to endow him) alongside promises to be faithful and loving and caring and so on...

If she pays rent she’d will the father of her kids Akso provide a house for her when he dies??

Because well before taking about inheritance fir her dcs, Theres tge fact on the day he dies, she’ll be homeless.
Can you imagine? You loose your dh AND the roof over your head.

You missed the point spectacularly.

So, as well as providing her a free place to live he should do all the housework as well?

She should pay some rent though, otherwise she'll be a cunt lodger

Would you be better off moving this to legal?

I’ve no idea but presumably if she divorced she gets a pay off of some kind.

If he's made a will after marriage he can leave his property to whoever he wants.

Your friend is being unreasonable.

There are at least 3 in my social circle at the moment challenging their former step mothers/her children where their fathers have died and they have been disinherited out of the blue. 2 have seen their mother's money go to the new wives from short marriages. Its been devastating for them.

It's a mess that is entirely preventable. A life interest by all means but otherwise the children should inherit directly so they aren't at the mercy of a 2nd spouse.

It really depends on the set up. Has she got her own property which she is renting out?

If she is just living in his house and has no property of her own and no ownership of his, then she's in a very precarious position if they split. Although, as his wife, she could make a claim for assets in the event of a divorce.

He needs to make provision for her to remain in the house for a time after his death. If she has assets of her own he could include a provision that she must be able to buy the children out. This should have all been agreed before they got married.

She is BU to want to be on the deeds, NBU to want some provision made for her. She is not an unpaid housekeeper providing sex for bed and board, she is his wife and he should recognise that.

This is exactly what my uncle's children did.