I sometimes worry that I’m not a ‘normal’ mum for having these feelings. What I do know, is that my daughters are the centre of my world, they come first, I am always there for them and I love them dearly. But what I also know is that I can’t help but feel the way I do about their return home tomorrow.
They have been on holiday for the last two weeks with their dad. I took them away last summer, so we do it on alternate years. We have been divorced for a long time now and our daughters are 18 and 16.
A part of me can’t wait to hug them, to hear all about it, to see their pics and to show them the treats I’ve bought for them coming back.
But fuck me, I have absolutely loved the past two weeks, perhaps too much. I am menopausal and the peace, silence and tidiness has been absolutely glorious. I’ve loved only having my own laundry to do and not have to cook another fucking meal. I feel bad saying it, I really do. And I know I’ll love seeing them again. But how long until the arguing starts, the moaning, the asking for stuff, the worrying about them. They are lovely girls, truly, but the fact is that I am ready to live alone. And I will not struggle with that. I have always enjoyed my own company.
I’ll be fine when they’ve been back a couple of days and it’s business as usual. But a part of me is struggling with the thought of this transition.
AIBU?