Fiance slept with a prostitute

His story sounds unlikely. Do you know the name of the person he was with? If so you could check his phone for conversations with the person around that time and see if any conversations suggest it didn’t happen how he has said, such as him saying last night was fun etc. Of course if he’s smart he would have already deleted all those conversations but you never know.

I know you feel like you’ll lose a lot but none of it means anything when you don’t have respect or trust.

Some people would stay together in this situation, which is completely your choice.

But if you stay it should be out of forgiveness and love, rather than because you don’t want to be a single parent because I promise you, you will be never be happy.

You don’t need to figure it all out today.

Ask him to leave and give you space and say you will not discuss anything with him until he tells you the truth because what he’s said is the biggest pile of shit ever.

If he is telling the truth and not bending it to make you sympathetic, imagine the genders being reversed. If a woman told us this story we would say that she didn't give full consent, she was placed in a really uncomfortable position and coerced whilst drunk.

Ah... in light of the information regarding your current status..

'Forgive'. Marry. Sort out your finances so you are self-supporting. Then divorce the fucker.

Go into this eyes wide open, he will do it again. Take what you need, get rid when its convenient to you.

You are better off being alone than being with someone like him, and so are your kids.

The thought of him cozying up to sex workers (trafficked or not) and then going home to his family. Who wants that? Gross.

Seriously call the wedding off and let people know the reason why. Not much of a catch is he? Who in their right mind would want to marry him now and have kids in the future with him. He can’t be that attractive if he’s having to pay for sex.

It’s grim and staying with him will only make you miserable. He can’t be trusted and you will become suspicious and paranoid about what he is up to when he’s late home, or going out to the shops, meeting a friend, etc.

You need to meet some new people and make a happier life for you and your kids preferably without him.

His not told you the truth at all. His told you a tiny version.

You are in a vulnerable position however unmarried sahm. So depending on how you can deal mentally. Marry him for a few years then divorce him. Make sure you always use condoms and go for regular testing knowing he is a sleaze. Use the time to ducks in row, high qualifications and such so be able to leave strongly in the work game.

I would stay. Marry him.
He will just marry someone else, she will slot into your place, house, children etc.

How lucky that despite being horrified about the situation he managed to maintain enough of an erection for the nasty lady to force the condom on him (of course she did!)

This won’t have been the first time - just testing the water to see what you’ll put up with once you’re married and saddled with him.

Of course he willingly had sex with her. Full sex for more than 30 seconds. Don't marry this fool. It will be a total disaster.
He only told you because he was worried someone would tell you.
I could never respect a man like this nor would I want him as father of my children.

After your update I wonder if he wants an out? As telling you this before the wedding, as afterwards you wouldn’t necessarily be treated as a short marriage having lived together so long.
But you need to start building your self esteem, which includes getting a job and your own independence.

Is he self employed or does are his wages processed through HMRC?

You will still be entitled to child maintenance, whether married or not. Wages processed through HMRC are easier as you can get direct earnings attachments. Get on the CM calculator and see what you would be entitled to, and see if that makes a difference to how you feel.

Although maybe there is a quiet part of you that is saying you should try and forgive him so you can still marry him and divorce him later if you realise you can't forgive him and give yourself that extra financial protection. I would have that little voice too, I think.

I’m so sorry.

Do you own your house at the moment? How old are you? What are your pensions like?

Not sure what to say here. For me, a partner sleeping with a prostitute is a line that if crossed I can’t come back from for many reasons. Don’t stay because you don’t think you’ll manage without him because you absolutely can.

Yep, you can’t move for the threads on MN from posters wanting advice on universities, apprenticeships, holiday jobs and brothels for their DDs.

You’re going to stay with a man who cheats on you with prostitutes because you’d need to get a babysitter?

OP, it’s tough and horrible. But come on. You deserve so much more than this. It’s scary but you aren’t trapped, you just feel it right now. Being married to him would be being trapped.

I happen to have gone to school with someone who's a spokesperson for a sex workers advocacy group, so I'll take their word for it

Yeah, just keep telling yourself that.

Do you really want this man in your bed, in your life and in your children's lives? You deserve better, so do they.

And does leaving him really depend on not having any one to look after your kids when you want to go out???

Your update OP means he is even worse. Disrespectful not only to you, but complete disregard for his kids. I feel for you but if you stay it will be worse than leaving. He can't just walk away from your children, and unless he is a total scumbag he won't want to. He will have to pay towards them and you may have to get a job but surely that is preferable to staying home all day and knowing your husband (to be) is potentially out paying for sex with someone else. Tell him to pack his things and get your life in order so that you won't have to rely on a man again. Yes he will maybe find someone else, but he'll do the same to her in all probablity and even if he doesn't he has done it to you and there's no going back now.

And then he will give the same story to his next wife ….how he was forced 🙄

He went, he was aroused, he allowed her to put a condom in (I’m sure she didn’t do this with a litter picker!) got close enough to do this and have sex with him.

he cheated
he cheated by paying for sex
he then disclosed this and under the guise of his wholesome self being truthful told you a story where everyone else but him is at fault

do you really care who he ends up with after you …..surely that’s not your priority!

come on give your children and you a better life ……don’t regret this years down the line when you find out he’s still paying for sex!

Get rid!

I am sorry OP but better you found out now.
I don’t believe his version for a minute but even if true…what kind of friend does he have, and what does it say that his friend thinks he’d go for this? Why didnt he leave immediately.

I couldn’t. So sorry.

He's telling you now because he's worried about STD s

And there's a counter view that some use prostitution as a way to willingly make money because men will pay for it