Fiance slept with a prostitute

Thank goodness you found this out before you got married. His pathetic story is an Insult to your intelligence and you’ll never be able to trust him.

Look up the red umbrella fund. Many (not all sex workers) do the work willingly, and often enjoy it.

If he was so.against it and drunk, how or why did he get an ercection he must of fancied her, never heard such a crock of shite!.
It's an insult on op intelligence that he thinks she's stupid enough to believe any of it

I would say he's given you an extremely watered down version of events. He's told you this because he thinks you're going to hear about it elsewhere and he's doing damage control. He'll give you the most filtered version of events possible so I'd assume the truth is worse.

For a start, the guy who "brought" him there obviously thought this would be the type of thing he'd be happy to do or he wouldn't have suggested it. Which shows how he presents himself to other guys when you aren't around.

Secondly i think it's highly unlikely he managed to get a condom on and have 30 seconds of sex with a flaccid penis.

He had loads of opportunity to get himself out of that situation and I'd be very surprised if this is the only thing of this nature he's done.

If it were me, I'd be thanking my lucky stars you've realised this before the wedding, leave him immediately and get yourself tested for STIs.

If you marry him you will spend the rest of your one life knowing this is someone who a) is OK with exploiting women for sex and paying for sex b) is happy to take part in illegal activities and potentially ruin his (and your) future to get his kicks and c)lies like nobody's business so you'll never ever be able to trust him again. You now know he can pretend to be an excellent family man by appearance while being the complete opposite when he thinks he'll get away with it. There's no way he won't repeat this, I'd say he's done similar before. Why would you hitch your entire future, financial security, future children's security to someone who has proven themselves untrustworthy?

You need to tell people who care about you in real life, get some support around you and let them help you move on from his loser. You deserve so much better than this.

Prostitution is rape. These women are forced into this situation. We know the amount of stories about trafficking, drug gangs etc. So if you know that this person could be trafficked or being pressured by a drug gang etc you know that this person is not doing this willingly. They may say yes but yes is not consent if there isn't an option to say no.

Much like being robbed at gunpoint isn't you giving away your purse willingly. You had no choice. Hence why that is stealing and not you just giving it charitably.

You are "annoyed"???? ANNOYED?!

fgs, raise your bar woman

He's told you a version of the story because he thinks someone else is going to tell you the real story (that he wilfully slept with a prostitute).

I'm sorry this has happened to you OP. In your shoes I would seek legal advice to financially protect you / your children and call off the wedding.

While I think sometimes relationships can recover from cheating, right now I’d postpone the wedding and see what happens. He may continue going downhill. While I don’t personally agree that all sex work is unable to have consent, the mere fact he went to a sex workers or is aligning with men that do…. yikes.

Or like a PP said marry him so that you have some rights if you divorce.

I think the most absurd part of the story is this: "Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it."

Seriously? A "work friend" conned him into having sex with a prostitute?

No - as others have suggested, he did it willingly and has devised an alternate version prior to you finding out some other way.

Well you’re the one who’s marrying him so as long as you believe his tall tale, that’s what counts 🙄🤦‍♀️

This sounds like good plan if he’ll go for it

If you’ll be financially better off then Get married then divorce him for half , you keep & stay in house

I wouldn't want to marry him but you've put yourself in a pretty precarious financial situation. So I think at this point I probably would go forward with it.

I don't believe a word that he's saying. You'd be a fool to trust him and stay with him.

Now he has opened pandora's box, there is no closing it and he will do it again.

Marry him

Then 6 months later divorce the arsehole. You’ll be able to stay in the house and get maintenance with a good lawyer.

Sorry you’re going through this.

What a prince - kids and SAHM, you need to protect your and their future.

Tell him you will marry him for your kids security, but not publicly after this as too ashamed, elope - this gives you some security. He can make the excuses to both families/friends but you will not lie for him if asked.

You want house and savings signed over to your name as you feel you can no longer trust him and need security for you and the kids.

You want money put into a private pension for you.

You want to retrain/go to uni so you can have own career and financial security and expect him to support that even if it means his career is impacted.

You will not share a bed with him until you both go to counselling and work through this. He is in the spare room or couch for the foreseeable.

You'll soon find out if he realises the enormity of what he has done and how genuinely contrite he truly is, or if he thinks you should just get over it.

Leave the kids with him for a while. Find a job with accommodation? a cruise? caravan park? Study/ find student accommodation?

Marry him and plot your escape. You will have better rights if you divorce.

This makes sense OP. You’re entitled to so much more once you’re married.

You leave him and charge all wedding expenses to his account.

Sorry you are going through this. I personally won’t be able to forgive that nor have sex with him again if this happened to me. I will be thinking of the “30secs” (highly doubt that too) every time we have sex and I won’t put myself through that.

Do you not think he knows this ? With the exception of you being alone for the rest of your life - which is bullshit. You deserve better than this. Get your ducks in a row - see a solicitor and get some information on what you’re entitled to when you split as an unmarried couple before you make any assumptions. May be better to marry to secure marital assets and then divorce.

Strong family values but is fine with having sex with prostitutes? Never been close to cheating but now had sex with a prostitute.

He has several chances to leave. Once the prove negotiations started, when he realised it was a brothel, when his trousers wete going down, when a condom was put on him, when the woman laid down and he decided to penetrate. Doesn't sound like it wasn't a willing participant and he was coerced into it?

I personally wouldn't marry him. I'm not very black and white on cheating, but this is something I wouldnt get over. Sleeping with a prostitute is not a lapse in judgement there is the concerns of trafficking and I'd be worried about her age. Also, one major factor for me would be if he paid for it himself, if his friend paid for it or did he run out and she didnt get paid at all? I would also like to know the truth about the 30sek.

But I wouldn't judge anyone who stays. I feel like after cheating there are two options. Wither you truly forgive and trust him to never do something like this. Or you accept that your marriage will involve cheating but it is worth it for the comfort of the marriage. If you decide to go with trusting him, make him do the work. He cant just say "I'll do anything you want me to" making you do all the work. He has to come up with things to prove himself. Cut out work friend, change jobs, organise counseling, individual and couples etc. These need to come from him and not you telling him

Marry him, then divorce him a bit later and get half of everything + CMS if you have full custody. Fuck him! He's a waste of skin!

Forget the story he told you about how he was uniwittingly led into a prostitute's lair and how she basically sexually assaulted him and he didn't have the heart to say no and went along with penetrative sex anyway, in spite of being absolutely paralytic. All of that will be a fairy tale full of things he thinks will make it sound less bad.

There are only two things that matter here. 1) He had sex with a prostitute. 2) He has chosen to come clean and tell you about it. There may be reasons for that. He may think you are going to find out soon anyway, perhaps someone has threatened to tell you. He might be shitting himself and wants you to hear the soft soaped version before someone else gets to you with the version where he's not such a gullible victim.

Or perhaps his remorse is genuine, although frankly I am not sure what good telling you is going to do. If he feels disgusted with himself and never wants to do anything that icky again, then he should have just stayed quiet and lived with the guilt instead of putting it onto you. But now he has, you need to decide how you feel about it. And what you want to do about your wedding.

1 in 5 girls are SA'd as kids & they don't pay to grape