Granddaughter taking over weekends

Out of 7.

I think you mean "son taking over weekends" the kid just goes where she's told.

Sort your son out.

your DS is a parent and should properly support his child. Not just fortnightly we you suggest. He needs to get his own place.

You are clearly not fond of the girl which is a shame but your home, your rules. your DS needs to move out. This isn't working

Did you not agree to your son moving back in? Did he just force his way into your home without your consent? That would warrant a call to the police.

wherever a father lives, his child also lives there. I would have expected the granddaughter to be at the house much more than she is. Your son is actually parenting very little and needs to step it up.

if you don’t like your granddaughter living in your home, then you kick out your son. They are a package deal.

It's two full days and one night.

In her own home and then a care home, I’m guessing, but who knows.

And in old age where will she be living? With her children or in a care home?

Hi op,

if it is a “long term solution” then you should defo have a sit down convo with your son on how much he is able to use your house with regards to his girl.

If it is short live…then I would live it as your granddaughter will then have loads of memories at yours with her dad.

Anyhow. You should really be able to do any hobbies you were doing before so that shouldn’t be jeopardized. Why does one has to exclude the other? Your hobby doesn’t take the whole week end… with regards to your peace, once you figure out how to keep on your hobby…maybe you will feel it more?

Any scope to rejig your working days to give you a weekday off?

You're allowed to have house rules especially for nine year olds who visit every weekend. I understand there's a bit of just wanting your own space but it's also worth thinking about teaching your granddaughter how to share space - it's not fair for anybody in the household to take over the living room to the exclusion of others. At nine she should have (or be learning) some quiet hobbies and she should have capacity for empathy in a way a younger child wouldn't. I think this has the potential to be less stressful for all three of you once it isn't a novelty.

It's only 1 night out of 7.

The key word is child. He isn’t a child anymore.

It’s not her job. That she has let him
move back in is due to her kindness, not obligation.

It absolutely is her job to put her son up when he’s in a time of need? Isn’t that what she signed up for when she decided to have a child?

Do you look after the granddaughter and he goes off out? Or is it just that they’re in your home?

another parent who thinks that their duties were over the minute their child turned 18?

I don’t think she’s being unreasonable. She should hear from people who agree with her too. You don’t own the thread.

I would be over the moon to see my grandchild every weekend. How can hobbies be more important????

What did you expect when you invited him to stay? We’re talking one day a week and only two rooms. What can’t you do at other times or in other places? (I mean if it was something as simple as reading a book you could do that anywhere).

Yes, it's her SON who has taken over the house, not her granddaughter. The way the title is phrased it seems like she resents the GD not DS. He needs to step up and sort his life out.

Sorry but you created this problem yourself when you allowed your adult son to move into your home

Posters are saying they feel sorry for DD. You know who I feel sorry for ? The OP. Backed up even more by some of the comments on this thread. OP has done her parenting - I suspect she lives alone, is still working, and has had her peace and quiet crashed, but has stepped up in a difficult situation. It also seems that she was told one thing in the beginning - every other weekend for one night - and now the goalposts have been moved because of ex’s job.

It’s not her job to provide accommodation for her son or his child - it should be a very short term arrangement while her son finds alternative accommodation so that he can provide properly for 50/50 with his DD. Posters are ignoring the fact that her son has seemingly taken over her home at the weekends and she’s being told that she’s selfish for feeling the way she does and that she shouldn’t expect her family to care for her when she’s older. It’s batshit. Why is she not entitled to her boundaries ? Why should she put her own needs and wants aside for other people ?

She needs to put her son on notice that it’s not acceptable for him to stay indefinitely and remind him that he should be actively looking for suitable accommodation so that he can be fair to his ex and not leave her with the majority of the childcare.

I do think the circumstances make a difference as to whether OP is being unreasonable.
Firstly and most importantly, is her son is going shopping, cooking a meal for his daughter, tidying up, taking his daughter out is he just hogging the living room and TV ,expecting his mother to sort everything out.
Secondly, working full time as you get into your 60s becomes very tiring in my experience and leaves you too tired to focus on much in the evenings and needing a rest at the weekends.
If OP is newly retired and her son is pulling his weight around the house I do think she is being miserable about it. She would have plenty of time for hobbies and downtime and I would have thought she might be concerned about her grandchild and want to spend time with her. She's 9, not a three year old who would demand a lot more attention.
It also makes a difference how long term this arrangement is intended to be.
I feel sorry for the grandchild.

Okay they had kids young. Good for them, but I genuinely do not understand why people choose to have kids and start a family without getting married and solidifying the relationship.

Better for the parents to work through their issues and not have a broken home. I feel for the DD. I had multiple arguments with DH in our early years, I wanted to leave but didn't because I did what was best for my kids. And now low and behold things have worked out well.

Start saying no. It’s your house, and if you’re finding it too much then start saying no to him. If he wants to spend more time with his child then it’s up to him to sort out his own accommodation independently of you.

What have you asked if you are being unreasonable when you clearly don’t think you are?

Of course i know. I still think her post is batshit.
i am glad my parents are different.

I think Yabu if you have never spoken to your son about this.
If you say to him I need some peace on Saturdays I'm tired please can I have living room to myself - please either take her out of watch her tv in one of your rooms