Granddaughter taking over weekends

Wow

enjoy no visits when you are in a care home

My adult children and my grandchildren will always have a home with me, should they need it, as long as I have breath in my body.

But this is clearly not you. So you’ll have to throw him out. As he needs to see his child more, not less. I can’t see any other option.

She hasn’t washed her hands of him. Opening up her home to him doesn’t mean he’s free to impose on her by taking over every weekend, however. He may want his daughter more and that’s fine, but he doesn’t get to unilaterally decide to have her more in someone else’s house. He is responsible for his child, not OP, and if he wants more time with her then he it’s responsibility to provide a home where he can be free to make that decision. OP doesn’t have to suck up something she’s unhappy with to facilitate him.

Is the OPs son supposed to take her overnight at the other grandparents home? 🤔🤔

Hopefully he can use the rent free time to save and put a deposit down but for now its nice he's getting to see he's child a bit.

At his mothers’ expense, or she wouldn’t be posting here.

I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

Who's 'people' in this scenario? Your son?

Most parents don't wash their hands of their children once they leave home. It's really hard for single people now, especially with paying child maintenance. I was lucky as I left 18 years ago when private rental houses was affordable. The house I used to rent has gone from £350 per month to £1200. Luckily, I bought the house a few doors down and pay £445 mortgage. It's literally exactly the same house but private landlords are greedy. They have also told their new tenants (who are friends of mine) they are increasing the rent to £1350 in September. £900 more than my mortgage.
Unless a single person has a very good job or is lucky enough to get a council house it's a struggle leaving home. Hopefully he can use the rent free time to save and put a deposit down but for now its nice he's getting to see he's child a bit.

@Hodgemollar You’re assuming that her son clears up after the visits and does his fair share around the house. OP hasn’t shared whether that’s the case or not. But given that his relationship has broken up why are you assuming he’s perfect ?

Nope. She shouldn’t be ‘glad’ of anything. Her son is using her as a convenience because he hasn’t anywhere else to go. There needs to be a time limit. He needs to find a proper home for his DD so he can properly share child care. When OP sees her GD is up to her, not foisted on her because of circumstance with no consideration of what she wants or needs in her own home.

If that was the point why were you trying to claim he was leaving the OP to “do all the work” when there’s clearly nothing to suggest that.
If your point is valid no need to fabricate things along side it.

She’s giving over her home. And being inconvenienced by her son taking it for granted that she’ll put up with them taking over the living room, the TV and the resulting mess every weekend. Does he clean up ? Does he do his fair share of housework. ? She was initially told every other weekend. Now it’s every weekend, all day Saturday, overnight and Sunday. OP loves her GD but her son has taken away any autonomy OP has over when she sees her. That’s the point.

This. OP was told every other weekend. This wasn’t what happened. She’s entitled to be put out at being taken for granted.

Except they’re not. Hosting her son does not mean she has to accept her granddaughter being there more than the every other weekend she was initially spending there. It’s OP’s house, and as such she gets to decide who gets to stay there, and for how long.

If that doesn’t suit her son then it’s up to him to live elsewhere.

I don’t think OP sees it as a chore. I think it’s more that her son is taking her for granted instead of sorting things out and getting his own accommodation. Mum’s house is the easy option and a ready made excuse as to why he can’t have equal access to his DD - leaving the majority of childcare to his ex. OP needs to lay the law down and make him take responsibility instead of passing the buck.

What work is the OP being left to do? Nothing about OP’s posts remotely suggest she is doing any of the work, cooking or childcare for the GC.

As I understand it, the Son isn't asking his Mother to look after his Daughter? She should be glad of the time spent with her Grandaughter.

Nope. Another parent who recognises that her parenting duties are over when their child becomes an adult and responsible for their own choices. Her son has formed a relationship and has his own child as a result. It’s not op’s responsibility to open up her home to her own detriment to sort out his mess.

@Rosscameasdoody No I’m glad I didn’t have grandparents who found seeing me at weekends such a chore, that they dreaded it.

Nothing to do with her DS living with her, as I said her house, she should be able to live it how she wants.

Glad I lived with my parents and DC’s for a period of time while my house was being renovated and they enjoyed spending time and building a strong bond with my DCs.

The misogyny on this thread is very concerning.

And how is this any of OP’s responsibility ?

So he only sees he's daughter 1 night/2 part days a week? Unless he gets a good job where he can afford to rent as well as paying child maintenance he's pretty stuck. Have you seen the price of private renting at the moment? Then there's all the other bills? He also won't get any help from the council or universal credit as he doesn't have the child enough.

I'd take this as a chance to build a good bond with your grandchild. In 10-20 years you might need them to help you. Personally I was closed to one lot of grandparents and did everything for them when they needed it but my other grandparents never bothered so I didn't bother with them when they were older and lonely.

I'd personally help your son get a house then you get your house back. Maybe help him search/help with deposit or guarantor. I've got a friend in a similar situation but without he's parents help he had to go into a hostel for over 4 years before getting a 1 bedroom council flat. He's wages wouldn't cover private rental house. Unfortunately it meant he didn't have much of a relationship with he's two children.

Yep. And why should OP take responsibility for that ? Her son has chosen the easiest option - move in with mum and let her do the work. He needs to take responsibility for his child, find himself somewhere to live so that he can take on half the child care instead of leaving it to his ex. It’s not OP’s job, it’s his.

What ? You’re glad you didn’t have grandparents that would just give over their home to a father who would rather move in with his mum so that he didn’t have to think about taking responsibility for his own child ? OP has done her own child raising - she doesn’t have to take responsibility for her son, who sounds like he would rather put his mum to the inconvenience of handing over her free time, than sorting out his own living arrangements. He needs to take full responsibility for providing a proper home for his DD where he can look after her 50/50 instead of leaving the majority of the child care to his ex. Your misogyny is bone deep - his mother is not responsible for his shit choices in life.

Families are messy and often we end up doing what we wouldn’t really choose to do…l do feel for the child and at least the ex is trying to bring in money ! Can your son afford to move out ? If not then there’s not much you can do but change the way you think to try not to be resentful. Resentment eats away at you and pushes people away so be careful.

YANBU it’s your home your space. But I am glad I didn’t have grandparents like you, and glad my DC don’t either.