Granddaughter taking over weekends

If OP has lived alone for some time, it’s a big change - not only to have her son living there full time but to have her GD there every weekend, all weekend. She’s entitled to want what she wants, and not be expected to provide a permanent home to a son who should be actively looking for somewhere of his own so that he can take on his fair share of childcare.

Well, some of us live in small London houses.

Different strokes for different folks.

55. Decently large semi detached property.

How old are you and your children and how big is your house?
Nobody in my culture ever takes money from their children. Neither do I. I could say I dont understand those who take rent or costs.
But I am sensible enough to know different people have different circumstances.

I don't understand people who actively don't want their own children to live with them once they become adults.

I understand wanting adult children living at home to contribute to costs and not be messy but I don't understand "oh I want space away from them"

Because it’s her home, and she clearly wants her own space back.

How did you not figure that out on your own?
Also, try to enjoy your granddaughter, plan some outings and activities with her. She will be teenager very soon and you’ll hardly ever see her.

What else would you call it ? OP agreed to every other weekend and that changed after they moved in - admittedly not much can be done about it if his ex has to work, but I think posters are losing sight of the fact that this is OP’s home. Why isn’t her son making an effort to find somewhere of his own so that he can contribute more than one night a week. Staying at his mum’s house seems like a convenient excuse for leaving the majority of childcare to his ex.

GD is there all day Saturday, overnight and all day Sunday, every week. OP agreed to every other weekend and it changed after they moved in. I think that’s where the problem lies - if OP works full time then the only time left for her hobbies is the weekends.

It sounds as though OP lived alone and valued her own space but the phrase ‘they want what they want’ seems very telling. I can understand her wanting to help in the immediate aftermath of the break up but it sounds as though her son isn’t making much of an effort to find a proper home of his own so he can accommodate his daughter, which is what needs to happen.

OP has opened her home to her son and her GD as a temporary measure, in response to the situation they are in. She doesn’t have to put up with it for ever and her son should be making an effort to find a place of his own so he can provide a proper home for his daughter where he can have 50/50 contact, instead of leaving the lions share of the childcare to his ex. OP’s allowed to have boundaries. Nothing to do with who does what if and when she goes into care.

I understand it's a big change but...one night a week? Surely you can manage that? And how much can that impact on your hobbies?
However you do need to agree how long this will go on for, express your need for your own space and agree some compromises

@ThePerkyBiscuit have you actually said to your son can you take gc out sat daytime

does he go out with her ? Does he cook /play with her?

can you say every other sat night they watch a film in his room so you have sat night free to chill

I'm sure she can and is learning empathy in more age appropriate ways.

A 9 year old should never feel like she's in the way or her presence is a burden, especially one dealing with her parents break up.

OP also never said that she's taking over the living room to the exclusion of others, just that they take over the living room and tv so sounds like they're literally just sitting there watching some age appropriate TV. Presumably there's more than 2 seats.

I think OP is referring to the ex partner putting her out by daring to work. If she didn’t work a Saturday her son wouldn’t have to have DD.
When really the man has responsibility over his daughter regardless of the mother’s schedule.

Why should he do this if she has the room? In a few more years she will need him

Wow.

Your complaining that your son while he gets back on his feet has his daughter every weekend? What a wonderful grandparent you are . He should move out & leave you to your hobbies & never contact you again so you don't get "bothered " by your grandchild.

I find it incredibly sad that you view precious time with your granddaughter one night a week as a chore. I still slept over one night a week with my grandparents one night a week well in to my 20s until I moved further away. I would give anything to spend a night with my Nan one more time but sadly she passed last year. What is with so many grandparents these days being "too busy" for their grandchildren? It's sad

No she should enjoy her time with them. Mum may move, dad may move and this will be her memories.

I think you should be more empathetic. You come over quite cold when your son is clearly a loving dad doing his best. Also sad that it doesn’t sound like you value this time with your granddaughter. That said, there should be some kind of strategy/plan for him to be supported into moving into his own place.

Is there a reason you can't do the hobby with your GD in the home? She's 9, so old enough that keeping her away from anything a bit dangerous shouldn't be an issue. I'd have her there and just get on with my hobby for some of the time. Does your son ever take his DD out?

Your son is an adult with a child, he should be making plans to find a place of his own. You need to tell him this. I don't know anyone who has returned to live with a parent after a breakup, or at least not long term.

He needs to take her out and do activities during the day instead of just staying doors all day. That dit ds a bit lazy tbh

Sorry, I may have missed something, but this seems a bit goady - OP hasn't said she doesn't want to see her GC or that is a chore, but she has already brought up her own family, and is surely allowed to now continue her own life & hobbies, which can be difficult for someone, apparently alone, to make happen (for want of a better phrase, & good for her) - while already helping her adult son with a safe place to live. So she has already made her family a priority. And its her home, so her 'rules'? There can hopefully be some compromise? Maybe a 'Special' TV / film night in GC room, that GC can share just with her dad etc etc?? Does your son know how you feel? Good luck x🌹

Surely the fully grown adult son should know about sharing space? It’s unbelievable how the blame for this situation has been put on a 9 year old girl.