Granddaughter taking over weekends

Why on earth did you think he'd only look after his own child every other weekend? That would be terrible parenting.

Ideally, this should have been discussed before he moved in. Now you either need to talk to him about finding somewhere else to live, or come up with a compromise that works for you, without further limiting the time a little girl spends with one of her parents.

Would you feel less overwhelmed if they went out more during the day? Could they play board games in the kitchen or dining room instead of watching TV on an evening (or even set up a second living space with a TV, if that would work better?).

I do see all sides of this story as I have been in this situation. The difference was I was a FRIEND and not family.

I agreed to let a mate move into my spare room when his relationship broke down. I lived alone and had the space. His parents were abroad having retired there and other family and friends didn’t have the space. It was agreed that it would be for a maximum of 6 months while he got on his feet and found somewhere else to go. He left the family home despite her being the one to cheat because he cared about his kids.

I never thought about the kids when I agreed and how he would manage go parenting and spending time with them. I only envisioned having him as a roommate.

within 4 weeks I was regretting my decision not because of the kids but because I valued my own space and didn’t realise how much until it was too late.
He would have the kids stay (he did ask first) and I agreed as well he is a father and should be responsible for them and I believe fathers should be just as involved as the mothers. My house was busy, kids stuff everywhere and my peace and space was gone.

I sucked it up as I had made an agreement and knew it was only going to be for a short period of time. He would take the kids out and do things and I would make plans to be out too. Then we would have time together at home.

it wasn’t an ideal situation, he knew this, I knew this and so did the kids most likely (sleeping on camping beds) but I made it work because I cared enough about him and the kids.

when the time came for him to leave I was relieved and was looking forward to the house to myself again. Turns out I missed having the kids around and the mess that went with it.

The way I see it is if I can help then I will. I think the issue OP is you haven’t given consideration into the whole picture. Just thought you would help your son out and now the reality has set in your not liking it. speak to your son and ask about him finding a home for himself. Ask if you can help in any way with that and set a deadline for him moving out. Don’t force it and certainly don’t try to cut his time with DD (she doesn’t deserve it and quite frankly dad should be involved and 2 days one night isn’t all that much). In the meantime suck it up and learn to live with it. Otherwise if you force him to move in too short a time or push him to abandon his daughter then you risk losing him and her

would I do it again 100% yes as I feel good knowing I made a difference but I would have a long hard think and chat about what was expected from the guest (kids/pets/sleepoevrs). To me friends are family and if you can’t help out those closest to you when they are having a hard time then you will lead a sad and lonely life.

OP hasn't judged anyone, to be fair. She just wants a bit of peace now and again.

I don't think you are in any position to be lecturing others.

There's a big difference in "wanting to see GC" and being forced into it. The OP has no choice in whether she wants her GC around every weekend whilst her son is living there. Most parents/GP's would arrange a day/time to get together and do all those lovely things that GP's do with their GC, but the OP doesn't have that. I'm sure if her son and his DD weren't living there then the OP wouldn't mind them coming over to visit for a view hours with maybe the occasional sleepover, but that's not what is happening here. It's every weekend, whether the OP likes it or not.

I have to say I’m somehow amazed at how much women have been brainwashed into seeing other women only as carers and facilitators.
So here is a man that has separated and has a child.
And the grandmother is been berated because she isn’t automatically delighted to

• have her own grown up son living with her
• have her grand daughter every weekend
• facilitate her son to do the bare minimum parenting wise.

All of that.
Also it's pretty clear that the OP has a small home, with one living room, which may well also be small. And yet people are saying that she should just retreat to her bedroom and buy a new TV for it.

FFS

That's an awful thing to do to one of your own family unless they're taking drugs or stealing from you.

But where did you think your son and his child would sleep on the weekend in between?

I would put your foot down about the sitting room though. Surely he can take his child out and about on the day time?

Martyr yourself women, or else be shamed by the Scepta!

It would be better if it wasn’t every weekend and if you had a date for your son moving out. Make sure he knows this can’t be a permanent solution and ask him to take his daughter out some days.

I am sorry you are getting such a hard time here, OP.

Your son can stay with you and your daughter can visit, but there is no need for them to take over the living room. They can be respectful. They don't need to watch TV for hours each day. He can take his child out somewhere or you can all go somewhere together.

Your son is disrupting your life(style) when he is at best a lodger. It's not his house and he needs to remember that.

In your situation I would put your foot down. I would make rules, such as no more TV or screens during the day. You get time and space for your hobbies and they don't get to disturb that. Your son can make sure that he actually interacts with his daughter or at least allow her to play outside or quietly with her toys when indoors. It would be better for her development too.

If he doesn't like it he can move out.

They do want to see their grandkids. But having them take up all of their free time every week, in addition to one of their parents suddenly moving back on 24/7 is probably not what they expect.

OP, clearly your son needs to move out. Why would a 29 year old man want to live with his mother? Give him 3 months to find a place of his own, and then pack up his stuff and change the locks! shouldn't be taking,ing advantage of you.

Lovely post.

Full time work well into their later years I suspect. People are forced to retire much later and they are tired and ready to finally have some time to themselves.

OP has clarified that granddaughter is there all day Saturday and Sunday. So it's the daytime of one of those days that people are suggesting that the dad should take her out.

I asked my son to live with me when he and his partner split up, because I wanted him to have somewhere pleasant to bring his children. He doesn't earn a lot and also contributes to the home they live in with their mum, so providing another decent home would have been impossible. Their primary school was also at the end of my street, so they could come here after school on the days when work schedules didn't fit in with school pickups. His had his own room as a sort of bedsit, so they would often watch tv and play games upstairs. They also have use of a sitting room as I rarely use it, preferring the back room with access and outlook to the garden. It seemed silly to me, for him to pay more, for them to be crammed into a flat, while I rattled around as a single person in a 3 bedroomed semi. The children are older teenagers now and I dont see them as often, but they are always welcome. I enjoy my own company, but cannot imagine being irritated by a weekly sleepover from a grandchild.
I hardly dare confess, that I let him keep his bikes in my front sitting room, it just seems to me that we should use our spaces as we need, not confine ourselves to traditional boxes.

I totally get where you’re coming from op. However, your son seeing his child less isn’t an option. I would suggest he schedule activities that take them out of the house for periods over the 2 days. Regular activities that happen every week, so you know there will be certain times you have the house to yourself. Then when they are there, you won’t feel as overwhelmed because you will have had some peace.

I remember when grandparents wanted to see their grandkids.

I don’t know what’s happened to this generation of grandparents, my kids grandparents are exactly the same, but I remember my own mother being grateful every time my grandparents wanted to see us or help.

Shame.

It's beyond me why you would wish that situation for anyone else if it could be avoided.

why do you think the replies would be any different if OP was the grand-father?

Her son is 29 and chose to get his girlfriend pregnant at 20.
Who's migogynistic here? The girlfriend didn't have a say in that?

Oh

Do what he wants or suffer the consequences...

Not at all.

Women who stand up for themselves generally are criticised for being miserable, selfish, etc.,
Check your internal misogynistic tendencies.
OP has raised her children and has enjoyed living alone.
Her son is 29 and chose to get his girlfriend pregnant at 20.
It is perfectly reasonable for the OP to not want her life, her weekend, her hobbies and her home to be taken over by her son and grandchild.

So?

Some people like their own space and peace