Granddaughter taking over weekends

You can't expect your son to see his daughter less just because you don't want her around. If you have a problem with your granddaughter being there every weekend, then your son needs to find a new place to live.

As others have said, the issue is with your son, not his daughter. I don't think he is using you by seeing his child every weekend. He may be using you by living with you at the moment.

It's sad that you feel this way about a 9yo little girl who is your granddaughter, right down to the title of your post. She won't be young forever.

I can. Because OP’s son is taking her for granted. He moved back in out of necessity but he needs to take responsibility for providing a proper home for his child, not palming off the responsibility onto his mother. As much as l love my GC, I too value my peace and quiet and I would resent the hell out of this every weekend.

Some ideas…give DS a deadline (like 6 months or a year) to find his own place, get a membership for your favourite gallery / museum / health club / Spa for regular escapes, buy a tv for your bedroom and escape to it at 7:30 every Saturday night with a glass of wine and a plate of snacks. You have some peace, DS and daughter get some time together. Everyone is happy.

It is not unreasonable for your DS to have GD 2 days per week.

It is not unreasonable to miss having your own space.

You WNBU to suggest your DS finds an alternative - whether that is his own accommodation or taking GD out for large chunks of the day.

Y WBU to suggest DS only has GD EOW, this is leaving her DM in the lurch when she is already doing the lion's share of parenting.

The people that mattered to me were there for me when my life fell apart and the ones that weren’t well they have been cut from life. If they can’t be there when I’m at my worst then they don’t deserve me at my best. I don’t care if it’s friends or family.

this is why I said OP needs to be careful and not make the son feel pushed out and the GD feel not wanted. Be reasonable with her requests and have open and honest discussions about everything. So that she isn’t left as a lonely old woman. I certainly wouldn’t be wanting to visit someone that made me feel unwanted or unwelcome.

@randomlemonsheep

nah there has to be a point after having kids that’s the mothers needs, wants and preferences can become her priority again in the same way - or very similar way- to before she had children. This bloke is 29 and people are expecting her to centre him and subjugate herself just cos she birthed him nearly three decades ago! Nah!

Agree.
This wouldn't have arisen if he was even a small bit considerate of his mother.

Such extremes to suggest it is turning your back on your children to ask for consideration.

I have children living at home and I ask for and receive consideration because I will accept no less.

I'm 64 y.o. and been on both sides of the coin. As an older woman, I enjoy the freedom of having with DH, the house to ourselves doing what we want to do. We live in a large house and do what we want without fighting for a TV remote or being unable to enjoy quiet time in our space.

But I was also a young mom once, in her early 20's, leaving her abusive husband with a 1 y.o. needing desperately her parents support. And they were there for us. My parents expected me to parent my child, they expected me to contribute and not be a burden. We had long talks how would I move to my own place again with the income I had then. Without their support, I don't know what would have happened to us.

The OP has the right to enjoy living alone in peace and quiet. But she also has a son just separated from his g/f and a granddaughter in need of a home and needing support RIGHT NOW. It doesn't mean she has to let her son take over her living room and tv - she needs to talk frankly with her son as adults.

It's not about sitting on one or the other camp. We are parents for life and as much as we've earned living in peace in our senior years, we can't refuse helping our children when they truly need us.

absolutely fine.

Don't have kids then!

@MumWifeOther
I would never turn my back on my kids, I just said hope for the sake of it
Family first, always.

I don't think many people would turn their backs.
But I would hope that most adults returning home would respect and understand the needs of the parent they've moved back to. This doesn't appear to be happening here.

Do you still work OP? Are your weekends your only down time?

I can’t imagine a GP speaking like this about their GC. A child of 9yo is different from a noisy, messy toddler. Does she not read, play outdoors, play independently? Do some baking / cooking with her.

Literacy and comprehension a difficulty on this thread too.

Its all day Saturday and sunday of every weekend which was not agreed.

What has a grandfather to do with this or the girlfriends choice to keep a baby?🙄

The thread is about a grandmother in HER home, and her SON who took contraceptive risks at 20.

The OP is very kind to offer her son a home but that does not mean that every weekend HER home should be taken over.

You can love your grandchildren and not want to spend every weekend with them, much less have your hobbies impacted after a week at work.

Astounding that some find that so difficult to comprehend.

This sounds lovely, and you’re clearly a very lovely Mum to your adult child, but not everyone has the amount of space you’re talking about here.

Yeah, selfish ones.

does it help your argument in anyway to go into such hyperbole?

It's funny how posters disagreeing with the OP bring such drama and exaggeration from some. Why is that?

I swear to the gods that some people will be arseholes on here just for the sake of being contrary!

AIBU because my DD wont bring the grandchildren round every weekend? YABU because they have their own life and want family time!

Or

AIBU because my Mother/MIL wont help with childcare?
YABU they dont owe you childcare!

But then the OP posts about wanting some time to herself and gets roasted as a heartless unfeeling uncaring bitch who hates her own grandaughter!

I think this poster is basically saying the same as the others though - that it’s down to your son to put effort into parenting his daughter on the weekends - just perhaps phrasing it differently?

I would never turn my back on my kids, I just said hope for the sake of it.

Family first, always.

Why cant you talk to your son and tell him he needs to find his own place or at the very least make plans outside of the house with your gc.

That being said he is 50% her parent so if the mum is working then it's his responsibility to have her, weekend or not.

That being said I think you're a little harsh, yes we all love our own time and space but complaining about 1 overnighter a week is a bit ridiculous, your son is the problem, hes lazy and doing the bare minimum if parenting whilst the mother has her 6 nights a week and works at the weekends.

Not RTFT but voted YABU because you’re putting this situation on your poor granddaughter and not your son, who you’ve allowed to move back in and take over your home. You raised him — communicate with him and claim your space back.

This is lovely. I hope all your loved ones are also there in your time of need.

I haven’t wished that situation on anybody.
They are in that situation and it is not for the OP to have to deal with, Lovely that they’ve been able to offer some support.
But it’s not a long-term solution and the sooner he gets on with it the better

Poor kid has a lot of changes happening in her life, but festering in front of the Telly with her Dad isn’t going to help with anything. He needs to start investing some time, energy and creativity into his daughter’s life, and that means doing stuff out of the house as well as being mindful of the fact that it’s YOUR home. I would talk to him about finding some healthy things to do with her like ice skating, camping, joining a park run group, going to the movies, age-appropriate things that he can be involved with that are good for both of their MH and yours by clearing out of your hair for a bit.

It's not a horrible comment.