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Original poster

MIL giving toddler tea

62 replies

teatum · 19/07/2025 23:09

MIL is 80 years old and in the early stages of dementia and keeps giving our 18 month old tea (not hot) from her cup. We have repeatedly asked her not to but DH got really frustrated with her today and she got upset. TBH, this is absolutely something she would have done before the dementia/diagnosis (SIL has confirmed she had the same issue 15 years ago). I absolutely hate it but to coin a Mumsnet phrase, it’s tea, not crack, and is it really worth upsetting an ill old lady over? I never say anything to her BTW but I don’t need to as DH usually tells her gently not to do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
teatum · 19/07/2025 23:21

CarpetKnees · 19/07/2025 23:15

AYBU to hate it ? Yes

AYBU to think "it's not crack" and "not worth upsetting her over" ? No

But AY(both) BU to be leaving your 18 month old unsupervised with an 80 year old with dementia? Very. I presume you will say she isn't unsupervised, but you have said she "keeps giving her tea". How can she "keep" doing this if you /dh are supervising your little one ?

He’s not left alone with her. We were sat in the same room today and he was sat on her knee. She kept picking up the cup and giving it to him

OP posts:
Hohofortherobbers · 19/07/2025 23:21

This sounds like the least dangerous thing an elderly woman with dementia could do to your dc.
Why is she babysitting?

Temporaryname158 · 19/07/2025 23:20

I’m not sure what you’re getting upset about. It’s a few sips of tea. Kids that age take tiny mouthfuls anyway so won’t be having much.

shes being kind to a child, I really couldn’t get upset about this and think you are wrong to upset her about it.

in her generation most kids were given tea from a very young age and it hasn’t done any harm

statetrooperstacey · 19/07/2025 23:20

A cup of tea - no. Some sips of tea from grandmas cup- fine. I wouldn’t find 30ml of pg-tips once a week a problem tbh. Tell him to get over himself.

KrisAkabusi · 19/07/2025 23:19

Pick your battles. Its only tea.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 19/07/2025 23:19

How much tea is your child actually managing to drink in these situations? I was quite a fussy mum when my kids were small and worried about things a lot, but I don’t think I’d have been too concerned about this.

SisterMaryImmaculate · 19/07/2025 23:18

What do you think will happen if your toddler has a few sips of tea? What harm do you think they will come to?

ShesTheAlbatross · 19/07/2025 23:18

I would stop this happening. I assume she has hot tea, and it’s just that it’s cooled down when she offers it to your toddler? She has dementia, and could easily offer scalding tea to your child accidentally as it progresses.

It doesn’t sound like telling her makes a difference though. So I’d engineer the situation so it couldn’t happen - sitting next to her so I can physically stop it, for example.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/07/2025 23:16

Builder’s tea with two bags and three sugars, or milky, pathetic, anemic tea?

ExtraOnions · 19/07/2025 23:15

…of all the things to get worked up about.

He needs a nice brews, calm his beans down

CarpetKnees · 19/07/2025 23:15

AYBU to hate it ? Yes

AYBU to think "it's not crack" and "not worth upsetting her over" ? No

But AY(both) BU to be leaving your 18 month old unsupervised with an 80 year old with dementia? Very. I presume you will say she isn't unsupervised, but you have said she "keeps giving her tea". How can she "keep" doing this if you /dh are supervising your little one ?

walkingismedicine · 19/07/2025 23:11

Sounds quite a sweet act but understand your concerns. Is it a few sips of weak milky tea?

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