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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to DSis big birthday

614 replies

50FreezeOut1 · 19/07/2025 22:42

My DSis turned 50 yesterday and I've found out today she had a birthday meal out with her friends, my siblings and our parents.

AIBU to be upset at not being invited?

Photos look to be about 10 friends plus DB (no partner at the moment) and DSis+DBIL. Plus DB's son and DSis daughter and son. Plus DM and DF. Plus DSis50 and DBIL and their DDs.

This came as a complete surprise. We caught up at May half term and hung out for a weekend, DSis50, her family and mine. A month or so ago I messaged my siblings to arrange a joint 50th gift which cost me a considerable amount of time and effort. No one mentioned it to me at all.

The reason I'm posting is because I'd like some advice about what I do next. The photos aren't attempting to hide the meal out. Of course I would see them. I'm seeing my DM on Monday to spend the first day of the school holidays together. Do I say something? What do I say to my siblings in our WhatsApp group? Anything? Nothing?

OP posts:
whynotmereally · 19/07/2025 22:57

Just ask your mum “do you know why I wasn’t invited?”

Searchingforananswer2023 · 19/07/2025 22:57

Paradoes · 19/07/2025 22:53

I agree about postponing seeing your mum on Monday. Surely she knew ???

Of course she knew. By meeting her on Monday you will be able to test the water. Show no weakness OP.

2Rebecca · 19/07/2025 22:56

I wouldn't contact the mother. The OP and her sister are adults, mummy doesn't need to be dragged in to things.
Unless there is an obvious reason why you weren't invited like living 4 hours away where as they all live in the same town then I would phone my sister and ask why my family and I weren't invited to what looks like a big party with everyone except me.I would phone rather than email.

Paradoes · 19/07/2025 22:53

I agree about postponing seeing your mum on Monday. Surely she knew ???

whitewineandsun · 19/07/2025 22:53

I'd be busy on Monday. Fuck that.

Searchingforananswer2023 · 19/07/2025 22:52

TwattyMcFuckFace · 19/07/2025 22:49

I wouldn't drag your mum into it as this was your sister's decision.

I'd probably just get on the WhatsApp group and say something like, "Looks like a great evening, I would've loved an invitation".

I'm the opposite, I wouldn't respond. Instead look for the expression on your mother's face. It's time to go solo i'm afraid, some families/siblings are poisonous and yours is one of them. Forge your own path, flourish then they'll be sorry.

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 19/07/2025 22:51

I'd start by asking your parents what was going on. It sounds very hurtful at face value though.

Robin67 · 19/07/2025 22:50

I agree with @gamerchick. Take a step back from them. This is a horrible way to have treated you.

Doglamp · 19/07/2025 22:50

That’s very strange. Do you live a long way away from them?
could they all possibly have thought someone else had already invited you?
Do you generally get on?

TwattyMcFuckFace · 19/07/2025 22:49

I wouldn't drag your mum into it as this was your sister's decision.

I'd probably just get on the WhatsApp group and say something like, "Looks like a great evening, I would've loved an invitation".

gamerchick · 19/07/2025 22:46

It's on all of them tbh. Your mother included.

I would be cancelling seeing her Monday and telling her that you'll be processing being excluded by all of them for a bit.

LaLaLandDreams · 19/07/2025 22:46

I would ask your parents why you weren’t invited.

CutFlowers · 19/07/2025 22:45

Sorry not sure what I would say but that sounds really hurtful.

Floatingdownriver · 19/07/2025 22:44

That must be very hurtful. Is their history of this or any issues? Are you socialibe? Good company out and about?

if I were you, I’d wait for your mum to raise it