Husband got v close to school mum

This is really sad. He’s actually using you.

Leave him, you actually do not need him and can do so much better.

It makes sense now that he portrays himself as some sort of superman to other women to give him some sense of self worth because the truth is he’s actually a pathetic loser, not providing for his family, sponging of his wife and not even helping with cooking / chores / bedtimes.

Good luck to him finding another woman who would allow this bullshit behaviour!!

He’s having you for a mug. I’m sorry.

What does he do at home all day since he’s not doing chores or meals?

Just read your update... You pay all the bills. He's Working part time two days a week... and does nothing in the house/ with kids beyond school pick ups where he hangs out with his new friend? And now he's chucked you out of the bedroom on to the sofa whilst he ignores you for objecting to this over the top "friendship" ....
This is too much LDFem

"He invited her to our house for a ‘play date’ with just the toddler when we don’t have any other children."

I can only imagine the sort of "play dates" he'd like to have with her (if it hasn't happened already). Get rid OP. He sounds more hassle than he's worth.

It’s not recommended on MN for some reason but I would also talk to her straight away.

I don't know if this is the right approach for you or not... but this would be my instinct...
go round and talk to her face to face (even if you have to take the morning off work) and see what her story is about the whole thing. Does it measure up?

It will at least, put the cat amongst the pigeons and shake the pair of them up.

Only you can guage how useful that will be to you at this stage.

OP assuming your kids can go to before and after school club and you can pick them up on time from that, you still should be able to get 50 per cent child residence even if he plays his face. If not look for local childminders.

You were being supportive and a decent person would have appreciated that and in return contributed much more to your relationship and household and pulled his weight. But he's not decent.

So, he is gaslighting you, has been far too close to another woman (which has been noticed!), invited her over for a play date when your kids weren’t there and was having walks in the woods.

On top of that he works 2-3 hours a day and does fuck all round the house- including child related care and bedtimes?

Plus now he isn’t talking to you (which is abusive) because you called him out on his shit behaviour.

If I have this right - What the fuck are you doing with this loser? What is he bringing to your life?

I am hoping you can see from these replies what a twat he is! I would not put up with this I’m afraid - if he hasn’t had a ‘physical’ affair it’s certainly been an emotional one. So look to work on you, because you deserve better than this - you deserve to be with someone who is respectful and listens/acts on your concerns.

If you are going to stay with this self centred, nasty man, you need new boundaries in place quickly

He needs a fucking job - as a priority - not many of us like working but thats tough.

While he is looking:

I would only cook for you and the kids going forward
I would expect him to be doing 80% of the housework during the week, and I would expect him not to talk to the woman away from the school gate.

These are non negotiable, if he wants you to save his marriage.

Yeah he is obviously completely in the wrong but even without the clear affair, he is a shit husband.

Doesn't provide financially, emotionally or practically.

Only risk on leaving him would be child residency as he could argue for it. Could you make him get a job?

You work full time, he doesn’t and you
do all the cooking? Sod that.

This makes it all much worse, he’s a leech as well as a cheat. Pathetic man child, honestly get rid of him.

He doesn’t sound so great from this OP. You don’t have to keep him.

Why isn't he doing all the cooking and cleaning if you are working full time and he only does a few hours a week? He's got it made. A lifestyle facilitated and paid for by your hard work with plenty of time to pursue other women while you are working. He's a total arsehole. I hate his guts and I've never met him. You need to find your anger. Stop doing anything for him. Don't cook his meals or wash his clothes. Make plans to split up but try and find a shit hot lawyer first.

He’s offering you shit on a stick and her his most helpful, bend himself backwards self, and that’s before you even factor in the fact he’s at best crossed a number of your boundaries, and at worst is having an affair. What do you think you’re holding on for? Are you worried that if he leaves he’ll likely to go to her and then pretend it wasn’t happening before, which sadly is likely. If so you need to try to remember he isn’t whoever he was before and he’s no prize just because someone else wants him.

Don't you dare blame yourself ir let him turn this around on you. Nope. Ps if it wasn't school drop off it wouks be another activity. He has massively overstepped

Hang on so he doesn't really work, your child is school age, and yet you do the housework and cooking?

What does he do,except flirt inappropriately (as best) with school mum?

Why are things this way?

This sounds like a shite relationship

It sounds like the only reason he hasn’t left is because he’s got it very cushty at the moment..

Seriously, what are you doing with this man????

He sounds like a complete and utter beg. Would make me physically sick to see my husband sucking up to other women and being useless at home.

My ex was like this. I really think that this would be enough for me to leave. My husband is not like this at all.

I agree, how long do you want to live like this for OP?
You have choices, you carry on in this relationship and be miserable while he takes the piss or you leave, which will be difficult in the short term but so much better in the long term.

PS. The quote thing is not obvious, you're not silly

The more you post about him the more he sounds like absolutely worthless garbage. No only has he taken you for granted and has you only as a housekeeper, cook and maid, he has no love for you only contempt. The marriage has run it's course. Gather your self respect and leave. You deserve better.

You know he's an adulterer, right? He's definitely having an affair. Everything he did even without that, was not ok. But there's pretty much zero chance they're not having it off, and if by some miracle they are not actually having sex, it's because she hasn't quite let him. Yet.

Tell her partner, get a lawyer.