Siblings at different secondary schools out of choice

I knew several sets of siblings at different schools when I was school age and now I know various adults whose children are at different schools for a whole variety of reasons. It doesn’t seem to be an issue.

I would let them go to the school their friends are going to. I have 3 children all in different schools due to additional needs.

To be honest I never see the neighbours kids bring friends home or go out. Could easily go to school miles away for all they seem to socialise in person. Had I not seen them daily leaving and coming back I'd never know they'd got teenagers next door. So maybe it doesn't matter if teens don't see friends outside of school nowadays maybe.

Personally if the logistics work I'd let him. I am assuming the school he wants is further out? Might be worth discussing with him how socialising with his friends would work out of school. I.e is he able to get a late bus back and get around without needing lifts all the time. It's all well and good wanting to be with his friends but not at the detriment of family life to enable the friendships or extracurricular activities he might do.

Of course it depends where you live. We live rurally, our neighbours kids went to different secondary schools. Both were able to use school buses, one went to the local comp and the other to an inner city Catholic school.

If they are two equally good schools I think the child should pick.

Obviously no good parent would let their child pick the dive school over a good school for no good reason.

But two schools both rated good both with the same progress scores. Completely the child’s choice I’d say. After all they are the one stuck going there and an unhappy child isn’t conductive to learning.

I don't agree with posters who say the child should decide. I am assuming you are talking about a child of 11? Yes you take their opinion into consideration and factor it in to any decision. But at 11 they are not making the decisions. Parents are.

At one point I had dc in 4 different schools and 1 at college.

Logistical nightmare.. 2 schools? meh. Doddle...

If he is offered a place at his catchment school and you decide not to take it up, what will you tell him? If your reason is that you hope he and his sibling will have a shared experience, do you honestly think that will seem fair and appropriate to your DS? Won’t he resent his sibling for being the reason he is not at his chosen school? Won’t he feel less important and less of an individual? He’s not some add-on, bonus buy-one-get-one free kid. He’s a person with his opinions and needs.
Also I genuinely think children don’t thrive and learn well if you force them into a school they don’t think is right for them. If a kid is determined to hate a school, they will and the effects can set back their learning and friendships indefinitely.

Your youngest will get to be his own person rather than X sibling which is a huge bonus.

He’s a child, you’re the adult, you decide.

Treat them as individuals and let them go to the school that suits their needs and personality. My kids all went to different secondary schools and it led to many interesting chats at mealtimes

I don't see why kids should experience the same school, if youngest wants another school he should go there. Primary school obviously tends to be the same for logistical reasons, but they should be getting themselves to and from secondary school and I think it's healthy for kids to attend different schools to siblings if they want that.

Are your sure the elder child's reaction isn't jealousy if that was his preferred school as well?

They may be siblings, but they are individuals first. If the same school is important to your eldest, offer to get him on the waiting list for a transfer.

DS went to a different secondary and primary to DD. He wouldn't have coped in her strict, old fashioned school but absolutely thrived in the one he chose. He ultimately had emotional/attendance issues post lockdown and the school he chose were fabulous with him, whereas how they behaved over ridiculous things like shoes at DDs school, I know they wouldn't have helped him like his school did.

You say in your OP that you want both your children to be happy but it’s a bit odd to give your eldest child’s opinion any weight in this decision. Your younger child’s opinion absolutely should take precedence, it wouldn’t occur to me to consider how the older one feels about it, much less let it have any sway in the final decision!

All mine will likely go to different schools. Two already are.

I know quite a few siblings who have done. Including my dh and his sibling and me and my sibling.

What is a shared school experience? Most year groups don’t tend to mix. His not his siblings baby sitter.

Much better than he goes to a school he actually wants to attend.

I tend to think it’s rather lazy to just want them to all go to the same closest school. No thought to each child and each schools different offerings.

Can't relate to 'shared school experience' with a sibling at all even though my sister went to same primary and secondary. It's my friends who I shared the experience with. My sister had different teachers, subjects and friends. We may have been in the same building but very rarely crossed paths. I'd let your son go where he wants (assuming logistically it works for you as a family). It's nothing to do with DC1.

None of my 6 dc have attended the same schools.
Each dc was an individual and I looked for a school for that particular dc.

My siblings and I all went to the same school and have zero shared school experiences.

Definitely let them choose their school as it doesn’t sound like it’s a massive inconvenience. It sounds like they’ve got a good social group and they may want to strike out on their own and not be known as your first DC’s little brother.

The older sibling won’t care where younger one is! They aren’t a school baby sitter. Let DC2 make their own friends and enjoy what they want. Assuming the other school isn’t the pits and the dc can get there easily enough. Lots of dc go to different schools here as we have grammars and non grammars. It’s life and everyone copes.

Op I have had 10 dc go through secondary school.. Getting them to go is as important as the academic merits of the school!!
Let him choose..
Your life will be so much easier!!