If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

😂 lots of us don’t want to work but have to, if your DH had the same view point and didn’t want to work then you’d have nothing and no choice but to work.
I applaud your DH for sticking to his principles and not doing private work if that is something he strongly believes in.
It sounds like he has truly grafted to get where he is.
We have children, I work part time, we could exist on my DH wage fairly comfortably.
I work for several reasons, my main one is I’d never not want to have ‘my’ own money even though we share finances, but also my wages allow the children to do extra curricular activities, clubs and extra tuition if required.

Living on one salary has to be a joint decision - talk about it with your husband. If he agrees that a parent staying at home for the preschool years is a priority, then you are in the fortunate position to be able to put your entire salary into savings for three to five years before trying to start a family, with the agreement that all money is family money and the saved 240k - 400k (or more with pay rises) can be dipped into once the children arrive. It needs to stretch for whatever period you expect to be primarily a stay at home parent, which presumably depends partly on how many children you're hoping for.

Don't forget that once you stop paid work your pension will be decimated unless you keep paying into a private pension from that saved money.

As you emphasise your privileged upbringing, perhaps you're expecting your parents (potential children's grandparents) to pay private school fees if that's something you are expecting to use - don't forget that this will mean you are essentially hostage to said grandparents if they have any interfering tendencies until all children finish school.

Orthopedic surgeon is very specific but you haven't been back since early in the thread and ypur comments were very flippant - is this even real?

So it’s simple maths, to maintain your present standard of living you need to work.
Even if you continue to work your spending power will reduce as you will need to pay childcare fees, we haven’t discussed what other expenses a baby brings.
Should you choose to become a SAHM you will need to alter your lifestyle considerably.

My husband’s salary is nothing like £45k. I can only dream about that!

Who does?Just crack on and contribute like most other women

We have a lovely lifestyle on a similar income. Large 4 bed detached house, 2 nice, less than 3 years old cars, multiple holidays and short breaks a year, no money concerns. I guess if people want more than that it would be a
concern.

It may well be that things just haven’t come across very well, but I find this post a little sad and depressing to be honest. You don’t want to work and want to rely on your husbands salary but you don’t seem to have spoken to him about it in any meaningful or intimate way. You’re used to luxury and want that to continue and want to work out if your husband can do enough to provide that. You’re supposed to be a partnership and plan your life together, not one person strategise on how they can not work and still have a life of luxury. And your current plan is that the person who’s not had as privileged upbringing as you should work hard to provide it. I appreciate a post cannot tell the whole story but things have not come across the best in what I’ve read so far. Best wishes.

Fuck me, the arrogant fuvkwits are out in force.

The entitlement on this thread is breathtaking, are some of you actually aware that there are people out there on the minimum wage doing a perfectly good job of raising a family??

Snobby fuckers.

I would say that would be a good salary. However if you are from a privileged background. Will you be expect private school.will this be a stretch would your parents help.many women like being SAHM. This isn't for everyone though.if you don't want to work .how would your DP feel about this.women work for respect. Independence and so on .it would need discussing

That’s quite a lot of money though. Guess depends on where you live, but assume if you’re outside of London and the surrounding counties that £110k is a lot of money and more than adequate to fund a comfortable lifestyle.

You sound like a spoilt princess. Grow the fuck up before you have children.

I wouldn't want to live on £110k with children. Especially when its earnt by only one person so more tax

Cant believe someone typed that !
wow !

This. My family and I were living a lovely life, then all of a sudden I was a widow in a wheelchair.

OP if you are from a wealthy background I imagine you are thinking you’d want to have kids in private school, a nice car (probably one each so 2 nice cars), nice detached house with big garden in a desirable location, designer clothes, a fancy skiing holiday in the winter and several other holidays a year, maybe a second home, a cleaner, a nanny/housekeeper etc. And I can understand it would feel hard to “downgrade” the standards of living you experienced as a child (I obviously don’t know your exact background!), though of course many people live perfectly good lives with children on far less.

OP, by way of illustration, the people I know who do have this lifestyle, with youngish kids, in London, have a household income of around £500k (they are not doctors! Mostly city law, finance or a couple own companies. I know them via rugby/tennis clubs). I don’t know about family wealth but suspect that is also a factor.

£110k is a long way off £500k

90 K as a base salary ...
Hello?? Planet Earth ...

Christ, every time I look at a mumsnet thread about income I end up feeling like a tuberculosis-ridden street urchin in ragged trousers

@Yunall
you say you have a nice lifestyle because your income tops it up

but you want to know if you lost that income and added a child or two on top of expenses could you carry on with a nice lifestyle

not the one you have now no

why don’t you try living, just you two, just on his salary for 6 months, so put yours in an account and don’t touch it

go from there

@Yunall
you say you have a nice lifestyle because your income tops it up

but you want to know if you lost that income and added a child or two on top of expenses could you carry on with a nice lifestyle

not the one you have now no

why don’t you try living, just you two, just on his salary for 6 months, so put yours in an account and don’t touch it

go from there

Do you hsve young children, help in the home? I don't know many married doctors, including consultants, where both partners do not work. What would you do if you did not have your job? Maybe think of doing something else if you are fed up with it.

They both earn a lot more than most people do. For many families one of their wage is in excess on combined wage.

Does your husband know you don’t want to work?
You can’t make that decision without his input.

You'll get lots of posts calling you all sorts because you dare to want to be home with small children.

Personally, I don't blame you, working full time when pregnant and then back to work when you have an infant at home is shit. And no, it's not the same for men.

@MaidOfSteel but it's the equivalent of a couple earning about £45K each which is pretty middle of the road

I haven't read the whole thread, but it sounds like boasting by stealth.
I can't feel sorry for people on mega salaries. If you're struggling, then you need to budget, like we poor folk have to.

We have a combined income of about £250k. 70% of it is mine (investment banking). I can tell you what our lifestyle looks like on that, whether it’s sufficient for you is obviously personal choice.

2 x DC in private school, from Reception through to the end of 6th form, fees paid from income - both have 25% sports scholarships which is a big help. We have a decent house, but not luxurious - 4 bed semi in London, I need to be in London for the job. It’s worth about £1m with £80k left on the mortgage, we’re in our 50’s. It desperately needs a new bathroom, but we’ll need to save for a couple of years for that. The boiler is also likely to need replacing in the next year or two, we have savings for that, but it’s not like we can just write a cheque without wincing a little bit.

We have one decent, 2 week holiday a year, 5 star, AI, currently in Crete, with a 2 bedroom room and a private pool, we can’t afford a weeks skiing as well, but if DC want to go on the annual school ski trip they can. Our 2 cars are both well over 10 years old, we pay cash, spending about £10k per car and run them into the ground. We don’t have weekends away or eat out often. If DC want a takeaway, that’s OK, but only once a month or so.

We’re not overly bothered about fancy clothes/bags/beauty treatments, but both DC play sport to a high level. DS is a runner and he has 2 or 3 pairs of £200-£300 trainers a year, he runs about 60km a week so does get through them. Spikes are on top, so probably about £1k a year on running shoes for him, that’s not too much of a bother. We get made redundant fairly regularly, so always careful to have at least 2yrs worth of outgoings saved, both our pensions are healthy. We have a good life, but we’re not living like lottery winners!