If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

I'm a newish (year 3) consultant. Not ortho, but another hospital specialty, so my salary is probably similar to the OP's DH. I don't do private work, and my OH is on long term (now unpaid) sick leave, so has effectively been a SAHD for the last year. 2 primary-aged kids.

I can describe our circumstances, but there are lots of other variables that mean @Yunall 's lifestyle might look significantly different. We live in the SE, but one of the less insanely expensive areas. 4 bedroom house, on a normal new build estate, mortgaged. 2 cars, both bought outright second hand. We are comfortable but not super well off. I don't get nails/brows/Botox etc, nor spend loads on designer clothes, but if the kids need new school shoes or whatever I can afford it without thinking too much. We usually spend £5k-ish a year on holidays - DH loves skiing so tries to go each year but we don't go for big AI summer holidays - usually somewhere like Bluestone in the UK. I don't have to think about the weekly shopping bill, or if the cars need repair.

We can't afford private school for both (could maybe do one at a stretch but that wouldn't be fair). We might be able to move house into a better catchment for state secondary. We have some savings from when DH was working, but haven't been able to add significantly to that since he's been off. We have both paid off our student loans but we were on the old £1.2k tuition fees system, so younger colleagues coming through will have much more owing on that.

So we are very lucky compared with many people, and I am extremely appreciative of that. The simple fact that we have been able to absorb his not working without major restrictions is a privilege. But it is not a life of luxury! And I am very aware that we are vulnerable to me getting ill/unable to work, so need to spend a fair bit on income protection - again a privilege not available to many. If OP wants a fancy lifestyle she's going to have to do some work herself.

What on earth am I reading?! You do realise that the majority of the nation brings up children on less than half that salary?

Pensioners don’t automatically get free NHS dental treatment.
Although they may qualify if they receive certain income related benefits.

I’ve already put an example on this thread of the figures if you could be bothered to read it. £100k after tax and 5% pension is £5471. Monthly mortgage payment for a two bed terrace (less 10% deposit) is £2k, £2k for full time childcare for one child, £495 for a monthly train pass. Leaves someone with less than £1k for all other bills, food and household costs. And they don’t get free prescriptions or the winter fuel allowance!

And that also presumes that they don’t have student loan payments which would reduce their income further.

The UK state pension is £997.75 per month.
Yes pensioners have to pay bills but presumably by state pension age they don’t have to pay mortgage and child care costs. Additionally they also don’t incur:
commuting costs
Prescription charges
NHS Dentist fees

Sadly, it’s clear that this thread has reached a point where it’s a race to the bottom of the barrel.

🤣 I do love this mumsnet demographic

Cannot believe a person could write this without a hint of irony!

If people are making £100k and have less left than people on state pension they really need to have a look at their outgoings. State pension isn’t even £1000 a month and shockingly they have to pay bills out of that as well.

My husband is a consultant surgeon who does no private work. He also has recently come off the on call rota which has reduced his salary. He values time and a full night’s sleep now he is mid 50s. Doesn’t stop him taking calls and doing paperwork till gone 10pm most evenings and ‘popping in’ to work every Saturday and Sunday to see his patients. He didn’t go into his profession to earn big; he could have earned much much more from his other talents that the NHS has benefitted from for free over the decades. Our children have both been to state schools since nursery and are now both at university. We are both from working class backgrounds and we certainly don’t live a luxurious lifestyle. Things don’t interest me. I earn half what he earns. I work because I enjoy it, it gives me satisfaction and sets a good example to my daughters. I was able to have the luxury of choice of early childcare and my choice was to stay at home for 5 years. That for me was a real luxury. So OP if you don’t want to work and live an opulent lifestyle, your partner will
have to work himself to the bone ( no pun intended) doing private work.

🤣🤣🤣 it must be a terrible struggle, I don’t know how people cope if they only earn £110k. No wonder we have food banks for poor souls like this.

Nonsense. I’m from the North but live in the SE. I am acutely aware of how the same salary would stretch much further in other areas. My brother’s exact house (built by a national builder) would cost three times as much in the area I live in but he would earn exactly the same as he is a teacher and there is no London weighting in my area. It means that I understand how frustrating it is for some of the single mums that I work with who earn £100k but have less than someone on a basic state pension once they have paid their mortgage, childcare and commuting costs. They are described as rich by many people (including many posters on this site) but they really are not. They are, however, fully aware of how much further their salaries would stretch in different parts of the country. But it’a not always an option due to family commitments or the availability of jobs in their field.

She uses partner in the post though, she doesn't say she is married or refers to him as her husband, she's asking a hypothetical question by the sounds of it.

It's because all the "poor" posters on 6 figure salaries live in London and simply can't or won't envisage a life outside of the M25.

Meant fiance not fiancee

What??? You want the OP to try to get someone else's fiancee?

He's her HUSBAND now

this is getting away from the point of the thread

I don't see what is so wrong with private medical care. Middle class people with health insurance get sick too. In fact, we're taking some of the burden of the public system. My son had cancer as a teenager and I was just grateful we had the money to throw at it with private scans, appointments etc.

It's completely pointless getting into this silly competitiveness over who earns what and how some posters live happily on £25K pa, because it's all relative to location and cost of living.

What is important is how @Yunall is a high earner - £80K - yet can't do some simple maths, to work out how their lifestyle would change if she stops work.

I mean, who has a job paying that and can't work out a budget?

And who can't talk to her husband about.
Begs the question if the marriage will last anyway.

@Yunall You sound incredibly young and I can't decide if your marring a surgeon is a stealth boast, or if you think you've 'married down' as he can't support your privileged background.

I think you need to work on understanding a budget and your values.

If you wanted a man to support you so you need not work maybe you should have married a footballer and been a WAG.

And do nurses and teachers have a SAHW living a “luxurious” lifestyle with two kids in private school, large detached house, two expensive cars, annual ski trip/long haul holidays, nanny and gardener? No, so they don’t earn enough to meet OP’s requirements either. Not many jobs do pay enough for all of that on a single salary these days.

OP thinks she’s snagged herself a rich boyfriend, that will allow her to play with the rich set 🤣🤣 Dump the orthopaedic surgeon and find someone in private equity if that’s the lifestyle you’re after. NHS boy is not going to fund your lifestyle.

To be perfectly honest, no sum would be enough to have enticed me to spend all day dealing with other people's mouths, their spit and germs, drilling, filling and what must be the boredom of root canal work. And that's without the back and shoulder problems all that bending must cause.

My mortgage is 18k a year for a 3 bed semi , we couldn't live a lovely lifestyle with two children on 60k here especially if that's pre tax etc. We'd manage but it wouldn't be lovely.

Different speciality but DH is a consultant. His private practice is a very small number of hours compared to the NHS but is a significant proportion of his income. I was a SAHM for 10 years when DC were small and have never earned a substantial income (part time public sector). Our kids have been through independent secondary schools and we holiday often (though not luxuriously). This would not have been possible without the private income and we’re not what I’d call properly well off (we can’t afford a detached house where we live without cutting back unacceptably). Either he will need private practice or you will need to work for the lifestyle you are looking for. Orthopaedics is a really easy speciality to practice privately - NHS lists are long and procedures are often one-offs that people will fund even if they are uninsured. Our family has had two orthopaedic procedures in the last few years and both consultants were exclusively private.

Is this a joke? We earn £60k between us and have 2 kids and quite a lovely lifestyle! Bonkers thread. We don’t have really expensive holidays but do go abroad with them for city breaks etc.

Surely this is a wind up thread?