If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

My DH is not a surgeon but has a similar income. We’ve had 2 DC in pretty quick succession and I’m on mat leave so not earning much.

We have a nice house in an expensive area, but just one car that we bought cash. We don’t have to count the pennies, we go on a couple of holidays each year and manage to save a bit each month. We could afford to maintain our lifestyle and pay private school fees for one child, but not both (even after I return to work).

I know we’re very privileged to be so comfortable, but I wouldn’t say we have a luxurious lifestyle.

£110k after pension, tax and student loan will be less than £5k a month for a doctor.

Which is the same as two people earning the average salary of £35k.

If you’re thinking of just being a sahm when kids are young, until school age that’s not so unacceptable - and possibly doable on one salary. Needs to be discussed with hubby. But when they start school what are you going to do all day….will DH be resentful about you not working then?

Obviously this is a top of the list of first world problems OP and I’m not trying to rain on your parade but, from my personal bitter personal experiences I’d be asking myself the following questions (and there’s no need to answer them on MN:
What would happen if DH died?
What would happen if DH became chronically ill and unable to work?
What would happen if you became disabled or chronically ill?
What would you do if DH became financially controlling?
What would happen if you had a disabled/severely disabled child or children?
Would I be isolated if I left work?
How would I cope if I developed PND?
What would I do if DH left his career (let’s say to start a business)?
What would I do if DH lost his profession (eg misconduct or an error that saw him lose his medical license)?
What would I do if I needed IVF or other expensive medical intervention to have children?
What would I do if my relationship ended?

like I say bitter experience has hit me with a few of these when I was relatively successful and on the up career wise. Now (despite having a PhD) I’m a dinner lady earning around £4500 a year with one deceased DC and one severely disabled DC who has just lost access to the most important services (respite and therapy) and I’m broken by it all.

So you earn 80k to his 110k, I'm not clear whether your (really fairly good) salary is full or part time.
Are you a medic too? If I'm not mistaken, there are often quite good openings for part time work for women in that field - I believe there are many more women GPs than these used to be and women are attracted to the job at least partly because there are more PT roles available.
But essentially you need to work out what level of income you will need to finance your lifestyle going forward. If you work full time at the moment are there opportunities to drop to PT if and when you have children? And will that be enough for you to maintain your standard of living.
Do you get decent maternity pay and maternity leave in your job? Only you can answer this, I'm afraid.
In the short to medium term I'd hang on to your job even after having a child/children to see how it goes.
I would think very carefully indeed about giving up work altogether.

I took 3 years off and we had 110k - his salary. With 2 kids. In London! We managed more than fine

@Melancholyfloweri suppose it was just with the OP saying she’d had a very privileged upbringing. I was thinking about her expectations.

Well school fees are an absolute luxury now vat is added. It’s a no no really unless there’s family money.

All those private knee and hip replacements would help the finances! Of course there’s private work! Loads of it. He doesn’t want it - so be it. Many do and they have SAH wives. He wants his wife to work. Depends on how child care gets organised doesn’t it? Mum does it all? Works and looks after dc? Man sticks to his guns - that’s a luxury too really. Both parents should do what’s best for dc. Definitely need to talk about it though.

This thread is mind-boggling. People saying that £180k combined is “not an enormous” income, and suggesting they wouldn’t want to live off with £100k with kids…

Of everyone I know who has kids, only one or two have a household income of £100k, and others are more like £40k. They all make it work, and the richest ones are not the happiest.

The answer is simple: if you have less money you have to have a smaller house/less expensive area, prioritise, and generally buy less. If that’s a choice you can make (to sacrifice money to become time-rich instead) you’re very fortunate, but that’s not for everyone.

(edited for typos!)

I think the idea a six-figure salary will fund a life of luxury is long behind us.

Most people I know are pretty affluent and in all couples both work - usually full time.

I think to afford the big house, the school fees, the ski holidays etc… you need a lot, a lot of money coming in.

@Gymbunny2025 ah okay. I didn’t realise that. Thank you.

I don't know why school fees have even been brought into it really, as the vast majority of parents don't send their children to private schools, even if they do have a decent family income.

I think even with both their full time incomes school fees for more than one child would be a stretch and require sacrifices

Kind of concerning that you "haven't talked much" to your partner about that. How long have you been together?

Before any talk of children you should let him know that you don't want or expect to work in the future and you want him to support the entire family on his income. That is fine if it's your preference (it would bore me shitless but we're all different!) but you need to see if he wants that. He may well want to work for the NHS and have a partner who either contributes financially or has less expectations of being handed a life of luxury on a plate.

This is very naive thinking.

What if things don't work out in some years time, and you then have no career or funds of your own.

What if your husband decided he didn't want to work, or doesn't agree to being the sole earner?

You obviously have a good household income but not enormous. Children are expensive and if you plan on being a sahm his income will feel quite small once tax and the loss of other family related benefits are lost at 100k. I wouldn't imagine you will.be doing private school and lots of fancy holidays. I think you need to sit down and have a really honest think and talk.about what each of your expectations are. When going into having children you really need to be pulling in the same.direction as a team. Best of luck!

Depends where you live. It would be more than enough where I am.

OP, what would you be doing if you weren't working?

I earn a bit less than your DP but same ballpark. DH does not work and we have 3 children.

We are comfortable but do not have Netflix, take-aways and foreign holidays. If we wanted these things, DH would need to start work again but ours are in primary and we are prioritising having a parent around after school, not using wraparound childcare etc.

However, I have to say I'd run a mile if I heard someone strategising to rely on my salary when we weren't even married or had kids. What are you going to bring to the table if you are not working? Will you fully run the house?

It’s probably one of the most lucrative specialties for private!

You’d be fine. But just note the endless posts on here re once loving husbands upping and leaving their wives who’ve stayed at home looking after the kids, losing out on pension and career prospects. Make sure he puts pension aside for you and make smart decisions about what’s in whose name. If you’re from a privileged background anyway you may not have to worry.

Start saving all of your salary and see how it feels? It will allow you to have a comfortable maternity leave (or 3!) too! Remember he is in the worst income bracket for being hit hard with tax.

Not meaning to sound rude but is there much call for private orthopedic work?

I’d say don’t give up work. The amount he earns won’t ho that far in sustaining a family. School fees out of the question.

Do you have a private income? If not I’d emphasis even more not relying on him. It’s not good to be reliant on one salary. And it gives men ideas about power within the relationship.

A new consultant does not earn a huge amount and, sadly, in many areas the boom era for private practice is long gone.
Nobody gets rich as an NHS doctor, and it's one of those misunderstandings of the general public that consultants are paid mega bucks.
But, for an orthopod, medico- legal work can be a good way to top up earnings.