If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

I really hope you DH decides he'd like to be the parent at home, rather than you just deciding you don't fancy working.

I think you're asking the wrong question. Your motivation seems to be that you want to be a SAHM when you have kids, so you need to talk to your partner about whether he's on board with that and how to rework things if you did in order to make it manageable. What other people earn is completely irrelevant.

It certainly should be doable on £110k unless you're already locked into any financial commitments that require your salary. Be careful about stopping work if you're not married. Look into what would happen if he died or the relationship ended and you didn't have that protection.

Its because I assume they want to send their kids to private school, they need more money to do this

Yikes @Yunall quite a lot to unpick here!

You’re right that 110k won’t get you a luxury life, especially if you live in London/ SE and you’ve got outgoings like a decent mortgage, cars etc.

But also why do you think it’s a given that if you don’t want to work you shouldn’t have to? Irrespective of the fact that you’d be entirely financially dependent on someone else (what would you do if they get sacked, struck off, have a breakdown, get ill, have an affair or just start behaving like a twat), what if he decides he doesn’t want to work either? I think it’s completely underestimated how much pressure that puts on one person and how awful it is to be that one person.

You should have married a dentist (tongue in cheek), but all over Instagram - all I see is dentists raking it in. They also have their own practice, which means they keep all profit...

I know.
Can't believe what I am reading.

I know everything is relatively and the CoL is much higher in certain areas, but seriously, SERIOUSLY?????

We jointly earn more than your DH about 120k our life is fine and we don't worry about money but it's not luxurious. We have a 3 bed semi, DS in state school, one car (4 years old nothing fancy). Depending where you live what your mortgage is and how many children you want, you won't live a luxury lifestyle on your husband's salary alone, partly because your take home will be less than ours because of tax on a single income of that amount

She said he doesn't want to do private work

Are you married?

Have you talked to DP about this? If you are planning to have children together you should be having these conversations together about how you will bring children up, who will be at home to care for them, whether both of you will continue to work, what sacrifices would need to be made for one of you to stay at home, how the joint finances will work etc.

If you are not married you absolutely should not go ahead with this plan of staying at home. You need to maintain your financial independence and make sure you can support yourself should things go wrong. You don't have the same protection in the event of a split if you aren't married and you could end up up shit creek without a paddle.

If you are married and you both decide that you will stay at home this will mean that the household income is less and you will have to cut your cloth accordingly. However, 110K is a hell of a lot of money and you should be able to have a decent lifestyle but you won't be able to live a "life of luxury" on that.
Some of us have to get by on a hell of a lot less than that.

Lol this must be the most privileged comment I’ve ever seen on Mumsnet. You would be bloody lucky to live on £110k with children. That vast majority of people don’t get anywhere near that!

OP it might be that you have to decide what is more important to you: having a more luxurious lifestyle and working, or cutting back a little bit and being a SAHM. I don’t blame you for not wanting to work, lots of mothers wouldn’t go back to work unless they had to!

Some surgeons focus solely on private practice, taking on NHS patients referred to them and earning substantial amounts of money. They can perform as many surgeries as their personal capacity allows in a day, amassing a fortune in the process.

Jesus now I feel poor.
Can’t raise kids on 110k. WTAF

Depending where you live, no you're probably not going to have an amazing lifestyle on one salary of £110K. That's take home pay of about £72Kpa but is the equivalent of a couple earning £45.5K gross each, to get the same total take home pay. Those aren't high salaries at all.

I get you might want to take time out when kids are young, and I'm sure you'll be able to and will just have to cut your cloth accordingly.

But no, of course you can't enjoy a privileged life style and not work, if your dh is earning a good but not exceptional salary 🙄

I don't think you can have a luxury life on that Salary - depending on where you live, it not that much money.

You have two choices, when you have children either continue working or lower your standard of living, earn more or spend less. I haven't much patience with some of the comments on this thread. Some people aren't in touch with most people's reality.
I do accept that your husband works hard and has studied hard and that his field of work doesn't bring in as much as some careers with similar levels of qualification and hard work but you are pretty privileged nevertheless.

@Cannongoose so sorry - sounds like you’ve been dealt some really tough cards. Sending you hugs 🥰

@Yunall just speak to your partner about it! Everyone is in different situations and everyone is wants different things. Your idea of a comfortable life will be different to other peoples. When it comes to kids, most people accept that it’s tough and expensive but temporary in the pre school years. If you want to stay at home when you have kids, do that- Ofc you will have to make sacrifices but your life will change dramatically anyway when you have kids. I don’t think you’re going to get the answers you want / need here

don’t mean to sound like a dick

You failed

OP, just a heads-up, there are people here who might not know what an orthopedic surgeon does, and some who may not realize how lucrative it can be.

If your DH balances private practice alongside the NHS for humanity points, he can do quite well, but it may take some time depending on the circumstances.

Not sure what to write but I am sorry.

@Yunall Pay careful attention to the above OP, life happens and the economic power of having your own pay packet can be hugely important in ways that you might not now anticipate.

I work in a private hospital and the demand for private orthopaedic surgery has absolutely exploded in recent years due to NHS waiting lists. Our knee & hip surgeons are doing especially well - quite a few have even been able to quit their NHS jobs and switch to solely private work.

Most private hospitals (Circle Group, Spire, Nuffield etc) offer hip replacements, knee replacements and other orthopaedic work.

My surgeon received a £2000 fee for my operation, the anaesthetist received £800 and the private hospital received the rest.

Housing costs and school fees have the biggest impact on disposable income for professional people so comparisons are largely meaningless without them.

I think there’s a few things going on here. Firstly, the kind of middle class lifestyle that you might have experienced and was, at one time, open to every educated professional, is not so easily obtained today. It was a product of a particular time period and economic climate. School fees, SAHM, a large family home, perhaps a holiday place or a pony? It’s mainly the lawyers, bankers, financiers and entrepreneurs who can afford to live that way, especially in the South East.

The second thing is that there doesn’t have to be absolutes. Work or not work? It doesn’t have to happen like that. You can take a long maternity leave and a career break, then return to work part time. You might even want that balance. Or you could both work part time. Or have children close together so you get a long period with both of them, then go back to work once they are in school. I can tell you that you will change and feel differently about things as the years pass.

Finally, I would suggest that your DH is a man of strong values and that is pretty priceless.

Oh @Cannongoose💐💐

That is so tough. I’m so sorry.
xx

Exactly this. We have a lovely lifestyle with kids on a household income similar to the OP’s.