If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

Tell me you've never earned 100k without telling me you've never earned 100k....

fully funding your own lifestyle without subsidised childcare and working tax credits and whatever else and come back and say you should be living like a king with 3 kids on 110k

5 years ago. With netflix.

@clamshell24 when was that though?

Christ, this thread is making me feel like a pauper! DH and I both work full time and take home 65k a year between us. We have two kids and live very comfortably. Only on MN could someone say they couldn't live on 110k.

How the other half live.

Wtaf?
(Person who felt rich on 60k joint income with a kid)

If you want to stay at home and bring up your children and your husband is happy with that then that’s fine. Personally I would choose that and have a bit less luxury. As others have said, start cutting back now and save some money. Enjoy those very precious years with little children!

@Yunall where do you live and what do you mean luxury

but realistically reducing your income by 40% whilst introducing children who are frankly bloody expensive is going to mean cut backs.

we are a family of four on around 110k in South east London and yes we do have holidays abroad etc but we do have to watch what we spend (and we have the luxury of a paid off mortgage and savings from inheritance)

also mine are 16 and 12 and I would never want to be a SAHM - part time reduced hours yes nothing no

The days of a consultant having a nice home and children in private schools are long gone.

I earn about that and DH hasn't worked for 5 years. We managed just fine - but if you want luxury you won't get it.

A nice life? Yes! All the trimmings? No. Not if you don't use savings/family money.

@Yunalli absolutely would not consider giving up my job at a DP and not a DW. And I’m saying this as someone who did just that.. in my experience, I had to go back to work because my relationship was fractious. My mum friends looked down on me because I was the working mum.. but I had the last laugh as not one, to a woman, has been able to reach their previous earning potential after taking those years off.

if you want to do this - and it is your choice - you should get married and perhaps start a side hustle to keep money coming in, and you could scale it if necessary. Not only about earning potential, but about being trapped by having no independent money and nowhere to go. I hear you when you said you had a very privileged upbringing. It is one thing to think that family would always help, it’s another to actually reach out and ask for this help at the time.

set yourself up for success, not for disaster. Every woman on here did not think they would get married/be in a relationship to just break up. But life does happen, and it is wiser to always be that one step ahead

I think in a very basic level most people don't want to work. I wouldn't go to work if I didn't have too 🤣

He has good principles. Plenty of us having our finances utterly ruined as we sit on NHS waiting lists unable to work and private wealthy customers coming along taking up spaces.

And some, like OP’s husband, have some morals. Private hospitals train nobody. They don’t deal with any emergencies (which can arise from even routine surgery). They are entirely dependent on the NHS.

I don’t want to work either to be honest, many people don’t. I earn £100k and DH is similar but there is no way we could drop a salary without a significant drop in lifestyle. Of course we could live, but we holiday very well, kids in private school etc… it’s just about priorities. If you’re happy in a smaller house, average car, one holiday a year and state school then you could easily drop to just his salary and I’m sure you’d be just as happy honestly but it’s a difficult compromise when you’re used to living a certain way.

Please don’t do this. I never kept my well paid career going and after ten years at home no bugger will employ me. I’m 50, have applied for 37 jobs over the last two years and not even had an interview. The real stinker is I was only an sahm for this long as my son was really autistic (now not so much bizzarely)

Humanity points? What a cynical view.
I admire the OP’s DH. His salary is perfectly fine. Private medicine is less so.

Yep & quite a few consultants would come from that monied background.

Yep, none of the consultants in my department with kids in private schools pay the fees themselves! All grandparents.

I felt very confused as to why my standard of living was so much lower than theirs despite earning the same, until I realised 🤣

The ones in big houses are all 10-20 years older than me, and bought when prices were much lower.

NHS consultants no longer earn the salaries that used to support owning a big house with a tennis court, sending three children to private schools, going skiiing every winter and having a long summer holiday in the south of France every summer

Most jobs do t fund this nowadays. What helps is often generational wealth.

Oh, all my previous comments were about surgeons focusing on private practice, but I just re-read your original post and realized he doesn't want to do private practice; he wants to work for the NHS exclusively. That's fine. The NHS salary is quite good at the top, but it can take a while to reach that level depending on the circumstances.

Even with high salaries, NHS surgeons often struggle to afford private school fees for more than one child. Moving further north, opting for a private prep school followed by a state school, or starting with a state primary and later transitioning to a private school can make it more manageable.

OP, think about becoming self-employed or freelancing. Look for a work-from-home job with a decent income, set your own hours, and meet client needs—you'll be fine. It’s a smart way to complement his salary and have your own money to cover personal expenses. That is, if it’s something you want to do.

We're on the same money as you guys and both need to work to do nice things (nice holidays 1-2 times a year, restaurant meals/takeaways, decent monthly savings/investments, etc). Our kids are in state school as private would wipe all those nice things out.

If only one of us was working, the SAHM life would be very basic, i.e getting groceries and cleaning/tidying pretty much. Definitely not lounging around a country club or getting my hair/nails done every week, if that's the sort of life you're envisaging...

If I was your husband I'd leave! Wanting luxury you don't work for?!

Then I really don't get why the OP is asking a parenting website lol.

My DH earns similar, we have two teenagers and a big house ( no mortgage) and I have to work to allow us to have the nice holidays, meals out etc.

I don't really understand this, are your dc is private school? 110k with no mortgage should allow for meals out & holidays...

You will need to carry on working as long as he doesn't do PP. Even if he does it will take a while to build up the practice and you will be heavily taxed when your income is just above £110k. Get your ass back to the office OP!