If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

This is peak mumsnet. Can't raise a family on 110 k 😆

100k after tax and pension would be 64k, private school is close to 30k a year. What counts as a massive mortgage? 3k a month so 36k a year.

Absolutely, plus with tax, there probably isn't a big difference between her net pay and his. So she's considering almost halving their joint income

Two kids would be half his salary… before tax, student loan and pensions.

After these, two sets of private school fees would be getting on for 100% of his take home pay now.

This thread in insane.
I have 2 kids on one salary of 36k.
I make it work.

Sorry you'll have to give up champagne and caviar.

'I couldn't live comfortably on under 100K' are people with massive mortgages and children in fee paying schools.

100k wouldn't cover a massive mortgage & private school though.

SAHM here and my DH’s salary is closer to yours than your DH’s. I would say that you can’t have it all - if you want to be a SAHM, you have to accept that you are gaining time with your kids but losing out in many other ways. My salary was similar to childcare costs so I am happy to stay home until my kids are both in (state) school. I don’t really buy new things for myself and we have massively cut back on holidays/treats/takeaways. We budget carefully and consistently but I never feel like we have enough. I cope with this sacrifice because it’s worth it to be with my kids short term and I’m adamant that I can work again when it’s time - I will probs be working until I’m almost 70 so I’ve got many years left to ‘play’ with.

When you have kids, even if you do work, you probably won’t feel like you’re rolling in it and I don’t think private school would be within reach (especially with more than one kid). So you have to make it happen all for yourself by finding a more lucrative career (rather than expecting your DH to provide it for you) OR continue working and have more money for ‘fun’ OR change your mindset and see the extra time with your kids as a luxury.

I can only assume that most of the people saying 'I couldn't live comfortably on under 100K' are people with massive mortgages and children in fee paying schools.

Didn’t she just!

This thread is wild. I earn about £35k, have a mortgage which I overpay by £500, Netflix, and a holiday a year (mostly in the UK granted). No debt and I save £500 a month towards holidays, Christmas, birthdays etc. I’m pretty frugal and don’t spend much on myself; but I’m on my own with my two kids and I’d say we do ok. Can’t imagine earning £110k and not being able to splash on Netflix.

Orthopaedic surgeons doing private work earn themselves silly. If he builds up his practice he’ll be earning £300/400k you’ll never see him mind….

Not a clue! Been a povo most of my adult life and went without food to feed my child after being left by my then husband who then managed to evade paying child support, By holding down two jobs at times and working 12 hour shifts when they were older I managed to pay of the mortgage on a tiny terraced house in a rough inner city area. I appreciate that I do not possess the intelligence, the education or skills to do a job like that but i am proud of the fact that I have always paid my way and given my child a sound work ethic. Sometimes I wonder how my life turned out like this but it is my money, earned by me. I may not be intelligent, well off or lead a life of luxury but I don't live off anyone and a man has never provided for me

I do see why people are so militant about this but I don't think it applies to everyone.

I work because I genuinely love what I do, but DH has been home with the kids / finishing his degree and he's loved that too. I was a SAHM for the first 3 years and I can't tell you how invaluable that was to me. If I had gone back to work during that time because I heeded the cautious 'don't give up work' I would have missed out and been less happy (I can't say miserable). Our children have benefitted, we both have benefitted - sometimes it's worth it.

i understand the sentiment but it's not always a blanket rule.

We get child benefit but that's it? Tax credits aren't a thing anymore and we don't claim UC as we don't need it and I doubt we'd be entitled anyway.

110k is a very very good salary no matter how you look at it. Easily in the top 5% of the population. Claiming you'd struggle to live on it is an insult to people who actually do live in poverty.

Mad! You like a luxurious lifestyle but are considering dropping your income by 80k if you have kids - 😆😆 good luck with that !

if your husbands money goes up in future you won’t notice the increase because everything will be more expensive then

if he leaves you - then your absolutely fucked

Not all people having private surgery are wealthy.

I recently had cataract surgery at a private hospital by a private surgeon.
When my optician referred me the NHS waiting time was 3 years. I had it done privately with two weeks wait. I was one less joining the NHS queue. My eyesight was starting to affect my ability to drive and work.
I am a carer for two adult family members and have a mortgage to pay.
Principles are laudable, but sometimes we have to be realistic.

I agree with this advice, but OP said herself she grew up privileged and her parents gave her a life of luxury. Assuming she will get inheritance, she will be absolutely fine. Plus, 50% off everything if divorced happened. Maybe more..

Depending on what she trained in, she can easily walk back into job.

My advice: be very careful about giving up work. Everyone has a boss, and your boss is whoever you get money from!

I think it important that the OP is asking is 110k enough to have a luxurious lifestyle and it isn’t not with kids. It isn’t enough for private schooling and depending on mortgage and location isn’t enough for lots of holidays.

it is more than enough to have children on not just the lifestyle the OP wants

so sacrifices will have to be made

Oh come on!! 🤣🤣🤣

@clamshell24 because of inflation that's about 76k today.

Its because the more money you earn, the higher expectations you have and the more luxuries you want. OP said she grew up privileged and in luxury lifestyle, she wants that and isn't happy her husband doesn't earn to provide that for her. She wants to be a SAHM.

Tell me you've never earned 100k without telling me you've never earned 100k....

fully funding your own lifestyle without subsidised childcare and working tax credits and whatever else and come back and say you should be living like a king with 3 kids on 110k

Netflix is £6 a month, I wouldn't say that was living like a king...

We have a low 6 fig income and can afford Netflix...

Look at net income them add in all the government benefits which you DO receive and the delta vs a single 100/110k salary isnt what you think

I understand how it sounds but the rate of taxation and inflation, plus current house prices, especially in SE, means that many couples that have only just got onto the property ladder won’t be feeling remotely well off.

To give an example; my uncle was an ENT surgeon, my aunt worked part time as a teacher in a state school. My uncle worked 4 days NHS and 1.5 days private. On this income my uncle & aunt were able to send all 4 of my cousins to public school, 2 boarded (my oldest cousin is aged 62, youngest is 52 years old). Family home was recently valued at £2.2 million. This standard of living would be impossible today if couples worked these jobs. The schooling alone would be in excess of £140k for the 3 years when all 4 children are in school (with 2 as boarders).