If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

Sorry, haven't read the full thread, but I have three kids, family income well shy of £110k (never mind £190!!!), live one of the most expensive cities in the UK, have a child still in nursery, and we're fine for money.

Whether your partner would be happy to be the sole earner is another question, and I think the way you've approached it comes across as very entitled, but of course you can manage on £110k with children, if you're happy with probably quite a different life from the one you have now. Sack off the private schools and the fancy holidays for starters, but that's not the only way to be a happy, healthy, well-educated family (if it's a way at all...)

Well she hasn't landed him yet or lumbered herself with him, depending on your point of view. She describes him as DP but is obviously thinking ahead. More power to her, she's at least thought about the sort of lifestyle she wants. It's pretty plain that she is not going to have a luxurious lifestyle on that money though. I mean if my husband earned enough I'd have happily have been a SAHM instead of slogging away for decades as a solicitor so I don't blame her.

The thing though is very few people do have that sort of lifestyle these days. Yes, I have the fully paid off big detached house in a nice area, a good amount of retirement savings and a cleaning lady but I drive a 2008 car and my husband has similar. One of my children did go to a private school for a few years but didn't like it much and happily went to the local school. They did have a nanny initially but that was because I was back at work six weeks later. Now that we're down to one salary, mine, it doesn't seem to have increased as much as prices have so it would have been very difficult if we still had a mortgage or were paying for childcare.

On 110k you will manage very well. However, you won't exactly be living in the lap of luxury. So you have to decide for yourself how much you want to maintain your lifestyle, or how willing you are to make serious cutbacks in order to be a SAHM. BTW, you can turn SAHM into a job of sorts if you feel that way inclined. Use your new status to find ingenious ways to save on outgoings. If that sounds trite, I can tell you that I have friends who have done exactly that!

Absolutely and seeing private education as being as vital and food and drink.

This is correct, low earners come out with more take home pay due to tax.

That's 1k post tax and costs (room hire, secretary, insurance etc etc)

Ok. So in the past surgeon's earned £5k per op and now nearer 2k. It's a lot more operating time. Sahms are in their own.

NHS Consultant salary only goes up to £139k and that's after many years! Dh has been a consultant for 20 years and that's what he's on now. We do have one dc in private school, and dh does private work to pay the fees (cant earn anywhere near what an orthopedic surgeon would in private though!) I'm a part time teaching assistant so earn peanuts. Ds would not be in private school without the private work.

I think this is excellent food for thought.

The ‘have a paid off mortgage’ is the killer here.

Without that, you might be looking at an extra £3-4k a month to buy a house in South East London at 2025 prices!

Might sound it.... But I reckon in all honesty many many of you would prefer not to? Wanting to work and HAVING to are different.....
I don't work due to disability but did, and would have much preferred not to have to🤣

It's more weird when it is bragging about someone else's salary.

Depends where you live and what sort of life you want your kids to have, to be honest. At present, his top level of salary is 132k or thereabouts. He could apply for a national award but he'll probably have to do quite a lot of extra work.

His salary won't stretch to your comfortable upbringing, probably. If you want your kids in private school, a nice house and lots of holidays together, you'll need to work or he'll need to take on a pp. His pp will need to earn probably 150 to 200k before tax. That's probably not going to keep you to the way that you're accustomed tbh. You'll need to do everything in the house. He won't lift a finger. He'll resent you if you feel you need help with the childcare, because he'll be working super hard.

Just an aside, why do you want to relinquish your financial independence to a bloke? Have you got any independent wealth? Inherited much?

FWIW, I suspect your husband's views on pp will change when he realises how little he earns.

Good luck!

Not many people want to work. It sounds like you set great store by having a lot of money. I suspect you married, at least in part, for money. You sound grabby and entitled. Good on your husband for sticking with the NHS.

Either keep working, reduce your expectation re money or divorce and find some millionaire to support you sitting at home.

That's really not what the OP asked.

I know single mums on £100k who have less than someone on the basis state pension once they have paid their mortgage/rent, childcare and travel costs.

100k after tax and 5% pension contribution is £5471. £2000 for mortgage (gets you a two bed terrace in my area), £2k for childcare, £495 for monthly train pass. Leaves £976 for all other bills, food and living costs.

"Orthopaedic surgeons rarely do private practice because the demand is lower than other areas of surgery..."

I don't know which part of the UK you live in, but here in the South West there is considerable demand for private orthopaedic surgery.

At the private hospital I chose to have my operation at, there are currently 18 orthopaedic surgeons working at this hospital (some of whom also work in local NHS hospitals and some of whom also work at the Nuffield).

Seriously get a grip on reality…first world problems. If you want to live in luxury then work for it but don't insult the majority of those reading this who don’t have a choice.

I'm not married to any sort of surgeon but a lot depends on where you live, whether your family passed on lots of money to help you buy a property and just how high a standard of living you want. You are likely to need to work and should do so to ensure you can support any children you have. If you save now you can afford some time at home with children but few people can keep a family on one income now.

It’s always weird to see the comments that are obviously just trying to brag… my husband is a doctor in the USA so he makes about 5x as much as yours.

The OP said she's used to a pretty luxurious lifestyle and people are saying she won't get that in london on 110k a year if they have kids. They are right.

I have a similar HH income to OP's current situation without kids. Big London mortgage (2200k pcm) but few other expenses.

We save and enjoy nice holidays, don't have to count pennies but a kid or two in London nurseries would make things tight for a few years.

There is a huge demand, think about all the private hospitals and private insurance schemes, for example, BUPA. Due to NHS waiting lists a lot of people are turning to private healthcare, even going privately I have had to wait 4 months for an appointment but I was told I would wait 3 - 4 years on the NHS.

When you say you’re used to a lot of luxury, what does that look like IRL? Designer clothes? Expensive holidays? Top of the range cars?

Takes a considerable amount of time to build up a private practice - it’s been a growth area because of the long wait lists after Covid. Those same wait lists are tumbling down. People are much less willing to part with 5-10k when they only have to wait 20 weeks instead of 2 years for a hip replacement

Anyhoo OP - it doesn’t sound like you’re married yet? Just making plans for the future? Not to burst your bubble but most surgeons I know ( a lot) are married to other surgeons, anaesthetists or GPs (as one delightful one told me “someone has to do the easy job” referencing his GP wife). Even they whinge constantly about not having enough money.

They are also horribly unfaithful as far as stereotypes go - so take the usual MN advice of those who’ve gone before you:

• stay in work
• keep your own income source
• don’t give up your independence

Absolutely, bonkers!! I'm a teacher and see families living fine on less than £40K , not flashily but making ends meet. £110K should be more than adequate to live very comfortably, unless you are useless with finances!