If you are married to an orthopaedic surgeon (not private practice), how well off do you feel as a family, if you don’t work yourself?

Ethics are a thing!

It’s really not shameful at all, just practical. What is ‘shame’ to you? Women used to be shamed for wanting to do anything else but stay at home with kids, how quickly we got to the other end of the scale! There is fuck all ‘shaming’ about wanting a nice life while spending time bringing up kids, and if you think there is you need to analyse why you have internalised being a working drone being so morally valuable - it all a bit Animal Farm, but the late stage capitalism version.

BTW, I work 4.5 days a week myself and freelance on the side but took time off with small kids and provided a valuable service to my kids and my family and that is totally acceptable!

It's shameful that she doesn't want to work but wants the same lifestyle she has now on her husband's salary.

@Crushed23 people such as investment bankers & partners in law firms are essentially invested in their businesses and are equivalent to part ownership, eg, equity. And equity is the source of wealth, not their salary. I know medics who have become wealthy, but not through their jobs doing NHS or private work, rather through research collaboration leading to innovation, patents on products, licensed medical software, that sort of thing leads to wealth. There are huge opportunities in medicine/pharmaceutical to get rich. But this is not the same as showing up for work & getting a salary.

That’s why I said I can’t speak for surgeons. Although I would be amazed (and slightly appalled) if surgeons in the private sector are not earning £300k+.

edit: quoted wrong post.

Ask your parents to pass over some of the cash, they are responsible for your high expectations, let them bankroll the lifestyle you want.

They are getting wealthy by investing in assets that generate income.

Crikey you can't compare NHS Consultants to investment bankers and Law firm partners! There aren't any annual bonuses in the NHS!

I know surgeons in NHS and private practice. They invest their money back in their homeland. They get family there to run their investments. Good luck HMRC tracking and taxing that.

This is complete nonsense. Of course highly paid professionals can amass wealth. Once you’re on 300, 400, 500k+ plus, you can save/invest a considerable amount - max out pension, build a stock portfolio, property portfolio etc. I can’t speak for surgeons, but investment bankers and law partners get huge lump sums (bonus, profit share) every year which can be invested. It’s not a coincidence that this subset of professionals typically retire years if not decades before typical people pension age.

This is spot on - he would need to develop a successful private practice or invent some medical equipment etc if you want real luxury.

Apologies, I missed your tone on first reading!

@Idontpostmuch well re-read why you’ve written. You say avoiding private schools because you’re not stupid. So what, if we use them we are! You say how I choose to support my children and spend money is excessive and they’ll be spoilt. I am disagreeing with you and informing you that my children are actually quite lovely and not spoilt. You cast slurs. Not me. I understand variety in parenting and in spending what you can afford and choose to spend on. I don’t think because mine are more privileged they are better people. Just had less struggle perhaps and have been able to save their own earnings so that they will be able to afford to buy a home/do what they want as they get older.

You were really rude, calling people stupid for choosing private school. I have one in private school and one in state. The one in state is likely to get higher grades than the one in private (the one in state got a 9 in his first GCSE age 13) but top grades is not why we chose private for the other child.

@Calamitousness Hey, calm down. You're missing my point. Of course I didn't think you were commenting on my children's clothing or their less privileged life. You haven't read my post properly, because I consider my children have had a PRIVILEGED life on one high income but with their mother at home. Privileged doesn't have to mean excessive. My post didn't merit such an aggressive response.

And private schools really do aid working parents with the hours they offer!

But it will have too - you would be losing a huge chunk of income plus adding another child

I can see with childcare fees etc is there scope for part time and flexibility in your jobs

but you can’t expect to add costs take away income and not have to budget!

I'm sure you'll be fine on 100k as a SAHM🙃. Wow!

Jeez @Idontpostmuch that’s why I said everyone will do it differently. Which is fine. I didn’t say your kids looked like shit in their brand free clothing. Nor that they were unable to enjoy their less privileged life. So don’t be rude about others choices. I was given a car and was hugely appreciative. As is my son. Helping your children to enrich their lives whether it’s through holidays/car/ choice of style is up to each parent. I’m guessing OP would want to have similar since that’s how she worded her post. So keep your rude opinions to how your own children have become and don’t project onto those you don’t know because they did things differently to you.

Can you ask your parents to subsidise you instead? I know a married woman who gets a good chunk from her parents each month, despite working.

Well that's a shame but you are never going to be particularly rich married to a consultant in the NHS unless you are bringing in a good wage too.

Given you don't want to work you need to either find a new husband or adjust your expectations.

I see these posts again & again on MN: “ DH in high paying professional job earns X, but we still struggle, don’t feel rich, etc, etc”
Well guess what, you’re not rich! Wealth does not come from a high salary. For one thing, tax rates after £50k jump hugely & eat into your earnings.
Real wealth comes from owning assets sufficient to earn profits that you can draw on to live. That means either extensive & inherited wealth, (property,shares, business ownership) or successful entrepreneurship on the part of one or both of you - successful IT start up, inventors, etc.
So unless this does or can apply to you, you are in the A class of high status, well-paid professionals but still basically working stiffs.
Medics can become wealthy, but not through their jobs. I know a few who have done this.

@Calamitousness Uhmmm, no, not really! Children don't have to get outrageously expensive as they get older. We limited ours to one overseas school trip each, driving lessons, yes, but car? NEVER. They can buy their own, and one has done just that. Branded clothes? Of course not. One can't see the point. The other spent his summer job earnings on designer gear, then decided it wasn't worth it and reverted to Primark etc. Private schooling? We weren't stupid enough, and our children still got A and A star A level grades. Uni expenses? Yes, no way round it. I count myself privileged to have been a SAHM married to a high earner and to have a nice life - many expensive family holidays and treats without thinking about cost. BUT OP, you have to distinguish between a nice life and a spoilt life, where you turn your children into spoilt brats.

@SockQueeni did not tell the OP she “should” tell her husband anything. I think her perspective is abhorrent. I simply pointed out that since that is her perspective, if she wants him to make more money, that’s what she needs to tell him to do. Probably this will cause him to realise how mismatched their expectations and hopes for how life together will be are.