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Original poster

To feel like this IS actually a decent safety net?

164 replies

Hetplane · 19/07/2025 12:59

I am feeling a bit crushed and flat after originally being overjoyed that I had been gifted what I thought was a decent safety net. More than decent actually.

I recently was gifted 120k from a family member. I’m 37 and have 200k left on my mortgage.

This gift came out of nowhere, I wasn’t expecting it and it’s absolutely blown me away as I never ever could have imagined this sort of safety net.

DB has received the same amount and has totally downplayed it. He is significantly more wealthy than me and whilst he has been grateful he has also referred to this as ‘running costs pot’ and told me I might be able to pay off some of my debt now (I have 10k debt and still my mortgage). This was not said nicely, it’s totally demeaned the money and made me feel stressed again about finances. I always try and save 300 a month but it’s hard (I’m single). He calls the gifts pocket money.

I am not sure why I am posting really. I suppose im wondering if I’m actually a bit deluded that in 2025 this is still a lot of money? I don’t have a hope of ever saving this myself and I feel a bit flat that it seems pocket money to most people!! I wanted to go down to four days a week at work now I have this but his comments have spooked me a bit.

OP posts:
AnotherDayAnotherDog · 19/07/2025 13:07

You don't have a safety net problem, you have a problem with paying too much attention to your brother. 120K is a huge amount. You'll be able to clear your debt, pay off some of your mortgage (therefore reducing your outgoings), but yourself a treat or holiday and have a safety net for future difficulties. Congratulations, what a terrific gift to receive.
Be sorry for your brother that he feels a need to be so belittling and can't appreciate a kind gift from a family member.

Original poster
Hetplane · 19/07/2025 13:06

Thanks! It’s really rattled my decision to go part time. He’s v lucky as he has a wealthy wife so they’ve never had money problems. I struggled every month to make ends meet so this seemed absolutely huge to me to just have there in case

OP posts:
Britneyfan · 19/07/2025 13:06

It’s a lot of money to the majority of the population. Even if you have a very well paid job this is equivalent to a whole year’s wages At least. It takes a long time for people to save that sort of money. And it’s potentially lifechanging to receive it in your 30s I’d say. Is it enough that you can quit your job and never work again? No. But it is likely to be enough to either drop your hours slightly at work for a good few years as you were planning or pay off any debts and some more of the mortgage so you have significantly lower running costs and your income will go further. Ignore your brother, he is being an over privileged twat!

Beachtastic · 19/07/2025 13:05

He's probably jealous of you OP because despite not being as rich as him, you're happier and a nicer person.

That money is going to transform your life in a way that he can't even begin to imagine.

IleftmybaginNewportPagnell · 19/07/2025 13:05

Sorry but your brother sounds awful. Forget what he said, try to remember how you originally reacted and think of your family member’s lovely gesture. If that same gesture makes your brother react in a spiteful and immature way, so be it. Don’t let him spoil it for you.

defrazzled · 19/07/2025 13:05

Incredibly insulting to the person who has gifted you more than anyone I have ever known receive!

PrepStarRunner · 19/07/2025 13:04

It's all relative, but that's a decent chunk of change.

CinnamonCinnabar · 19/07/2025 13:04

He's an idiot. Think about seeing an independent financial advisor for the most effective plan for the money - it's an amazing opportunity to reduce your debt & mortgage & still have some as a nest egg. Look at your current pension as well - may be worth putting a bit more into that a month now you have a safety net.

PeapodMcgee · 19/07/2025 13:04

Tell him to fuck off. To the vast majority of people it is a life changing amount of money. Don't discuss it any more with the ungrateful dickhead.

Inthecafe · 19/07/2025 13:03

Your DB makes you feel deflated about £120k and question whether it’s a decent safety net

Goodness op, I think you need to spend some of the money on a self confidence course

FloraBotticelli · 19/07/2025 13:03

It’s all relative depending on what you’re already got. Maybe it’s pocket money to him and very important to you. There isn’t a right/wrong. It’s unhelpful to compare or expect you both to be on the same page about it.

Crackanut · 19/07/2025 13:02

He's an arrogant asshole. That is a shit load of money (to me), I'd be thrilled to have that.

Ilikewinter · 19/07/2025 13:01

Well I think your DB os a bit of a twat! I agree with you OP , it's a substantial amount of money and I would over the moon with it to!

Bitchesbelike · 19/07/2025 13:00

He’s a complete prick. That is
definitely not “pocket money” and if he fritters it away, he is an idiot.

99.99999% of the population would be delighted with £120k