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Original poster

To simply not post anymore photos

64 replies

Leahcarlos · 19/07/2025 12:56

In a family WhatsApp group with DH family, parents, siblings, aunts etc. Over the past few months I’ve noticed his mum especially will heart, comment etc on the photos of her other grandchild but very rarely ours. She’ll also directly ask her other daughter in law how her child got on or for pictures. This doesn’t happen with ours. It’s starting to bother me and looks very noticeable. My instant reaction was to leave the group but I think if she’s trying to be petty this will give her what she wants. I’m thinking of muting and archiving the group chat and simply not posting anymore achievements or photos. My husband wont as he’s rarely active, neither is his brother to add if we think it’s because it’s from me and not him.

It seems the less dramatic way, there’s no point in discussing it as she won’t see it and will accuse me and DH of being silly etc. So would it be unreasonable to just stop, unless of course she directly asks?

OP posts:
Original poster
Leahcarlos · 20/07/2025 13:49

Leapintothelightning · 20/07/2025 13:30

I bet £10 the other grandchild is a girl and OP’s are boys. MIL doesn’t see OP’s boys as “special” because she’s had boys but is fawning over the only girl because she is like the “daughter MIL never had”

Correct. MIL has 3 boys, I have 3 boys. The other child is the only Granddaughter.

OP posts:
Leapintothelightning · 20/07/2025 13:30

I bet £10 the other grandchild is a girl and OP’s are boys. MIL doesn’t see OP’s boys as “special” because she’s had boys but is fawning over the only girl because she is like the “daughter MIL never had”

BlueandPinkSwan · 20/07/2025 13:19

H does stuff online with his adult kids and they all chat, I'm the only one absent because I'm not interested in cups of fancy coffee and the 50th same pose photo of a child.
Never done it with my own kids either, we generally do face time instead.
But everyone is different.

justaddittothelist · 19/07/2025 19:47

Christ0nABike · 19/07/2025 14:19

Her other DIL reassures her that her shortcomings are acceptable, she is safe. You, on the other hand, clearly have ideas above your station doing all that new fangled stuff like driving. Next you’ll be saying you dared to get an education or you’ll be off on holidays with your mates when you should be at home darning your husband’s socks. You loose cannon, you.

LOL

Inthecafe · 19/07/2025 18:02

and it is one thing I do judge her on,

well the affair and let’s not forget she doesn’t cook Christmas lunch!

Brefugee · 19/07/2025 17:57

yep, just stop posting pictures and if she asks why, just say that due to her lack of respose you assumed she wasn't too bothered.

Createausername1970 · 19/07/2025 17:20

Mute and archive. If she ever asks about why no photos, just say you haven't taken any recently.

Inthecafe · 19/07/2025 17:20

Honestly I’ve never been bothered by hearts or comments previously, I’ve had experience of accidentally being on the wrong side of that from my own sister

tell us more!!

Inthecafe · 19/07/2025 17:12

neither have cooked their children Christmas dinners

So so weird

You OP for saying this.

Original poster
Leahcarlos · 19/07/2025 14:42

Inthecafe · 19/07/2025 14:34

Was the divorce very acrimonious?

He didn’t want the divorce. She had an affair, he was willing to forgive her and it’s still very clear she was the love of his life. He did all she wanted and didn’t fight it at all. Sold the family home and split the money including his pension and savings On the times there has been gatherings he’s been very polite to her and her husband(the man she had the affair with) and has never caused any awkwardness. He never says a bad word about her or her husband and has encouraged a relationship for the grandchildren with her new husband even.

I’ll admit he’s a better person than me and it is one thing I do judge her on, she almost gloats about it and enjoys parading the new husband at any family events FIL comes to.

OP posts:
Inthecafe · 19/07/2025 14:34

Was the divorce very acrimonious?

Original poster
Leahcarlos · 19/07/2025 14:30

Livelovebehappy · 19/07/2025 14:11

It seems though that because you’re not close, and your mil probably notices that you don’t particularly like her, that this will impact your relationship. Not saying this is the case, but it could be that you’ve been off with her in previous actions, so that she has now stepped back from you with her interactions. Have you previously been dismissive or offhand when she has asked questions about your family?

Show quote history

Never been off with her, invited her for days out with the boys, taken her on two so far. Invited her for Christmas, birthdays, Easter etc non have ever been accepted as she just remains with her parents or BIL.
The only thing that DH has said is we have FIL visit a lot, they are divorced, her choice she left him and is remarried. He isn’t. He comes most Christmas’s, will have days out during holidays and will come for dinner every so often. We hosted his birthday recently, did bbq etc, sadly none of DHs family came. DH has said could be her being jealous of that but we’ve given her all the same opportunities, even saying to FIL we are inviting mil to this so will have to let you know what she says before we invite you.

OP posts:
T00ManyBooks · 19/07/2025 14:26

What are they like IRL with the children op? I only ask because I was the grandchild who always got ignored in favour of the golden child grandchild and it really hurts. If this is being exhibited in real life, as well as virtually, I’d probably say something. If not, I think just mute the chat and not give her your time.

Christ0nABike · 19/07/2025 14:19

Her other DIL reassures her that her shortcomings are acceptable, she is safe. You, on the other hand, clearly have ideas above your station doing all that new fangled stuff like driving. Next you’ll be saying you dared to get an education or you’ll be off on holidays with your mates when you should be at home darning your husband’s socks. You loose cannon, you.

Original poster
Leahcarlos · 19/07/2025 14:17

Sister in law isn’t her DD, she is her DIL.
Honestly I’ve never been bothered by hearts or comments previously, I’ve had experience of accidentally being on the wrong side of that from my own sister. However I started noticing when for example a pair of shoes of the other grandchild would get “how lovely are they” and all the hearts, just the shoes not even the child in the shoes. But my child in the local newspaper for captaining his sports team win was met with silence, and there’d be a post after again of other grandchild in a play, again hearts and comments. Just more noticeable. I did ask DH and he said he sees it, but no idea why and said she’s being silly and to ignore. He definitely wont discuss it with her though.

OP posts:
despairofbadscience · 19/07/2025 14:15

People have different traditions at Christmas. Neither is better or worse. Don’t set yourself apart like that

Livelovebehappy · 19/07/2025 14:11

Leahcarlos · 19/07/2025 13:36

I wouldn’t choose to know her if I didn’t have to but I’m polite and have made many efforts for her to be in our lives. We’re very different people and have different views. I was the first female in their family to drive for example. Her and SIL are much more alike, neither drive, very similar view to motherhood, neither have cooked their children Christmas dinners. But none of that would be a reason for simply not liking a photo of her other grandchildren, it’s not of me, or an update on me, simply just the kids but happens to be me posting it.

Show quote history

It seems though that because you’re not close, and your mil probably notices that you don’t particularly like her, that this will impact your relationship. Not saying this is the case, but it could be that you’ve been off with her in previous actions, so that she has now stepped back from you with her interactions. Have you previously been dismissive or offhand when she has asked questions about your family?

OriginalUsername2 · 19/07/2025 14:11

My first thought was that she knows what she’s doing, don’t bother any more.

But there is the possibility that rather than specifically ignoring your posts, she’s making sure to respond to her dd’s photos because dd gets upset if she doesn’t.

I remember on Facebook the expectation of having to respond to everyone’s posts in case they thought you were off with them or something.

I also remember the feeling of knowing someone was trying to throw some subtext through their posting behaviour. Very insidious!

At the end of the day if something makes you feel crappy, whatever is causing it, it’s better not to participate anymore. This is what led to me deleting Facebook and fading out friendships that didn’t sit right.

Brefugee · 19/07/2025 14:10

just don't post any. Don't make a song and dance, just stop.

(although tbh i think policing who "Hearts" pictures in chat groups is bonkers anyway)

And if anyone asks? pass them to DH.

chatgptsbestmate · 19/07/2025 14:08

Your MIL sounds batshit but might it be a bit weird if you stop posting photos and MIL eventually asks why. And you say "because you didn't heart them"

Doesn't that sound very childish?

Might it be better to ask her why she's doing it? At least then, you've got an actual bonafide reason to stop posting the photos

CreationNat1on · 19/07/2025 14:03

She resents your independence and sense of empowerment and she is levelling you down a little. Don't give her an audience.

Original poster
Leahcarlos · 19/07/2025 14:02

Christmas dinner comment is a silly thing. I don’t judge them on it, it’s more of our difference. They go to their parents, even MIL is still going to hers. DH made a comment that he’d never had a Christmas at home and he loves that ours get two days at home with both of us cooking and not being dragged out to grandparents. That’s what that’s about, they don’t have that view and mil thought we were odd when we said we would be at home Xmas day and boxing days, welcome to come over etc but DH especially enjoys Christmas more now.

OP posts:
roseymoira · 19/07/2025 13:59

Have their children ever eaten Christmas dinner?

TheMimsy · 19/07/2025 13:58

@Leahcarlos id just match her energy or make DH responsible for his family arrangements and communications. His family - his responsibility.

despairofbadscience · 19/07/2025 13:57

maslinpan · 19/07/2025 13:53

DH always cooks Christmas dinner. Does that make me a bad person/inadequate mother?

Wondering this myself. I have never cooked Christmas dinner, dh is a far better cook