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Original poster

Not invited to group plans

66 replies

nohomealone · 19/07/2025 12:31

I am in a new group chat with sibling and her friends. This group chat started after siblings friends kept inviting me to things and insisting I come along too the events. I have known some of these girls 10+ years. I was invited to the group chat about a year ago. I obviously don’t expect to be invited to everything they plan as I have a toddler and they are my siblings friends first. Just recently I’ve been in the group chat while they discuss a holiday they went on for a partners birthday and last weekend they watched one of the husbands run a marathon then sibling had a party after to celebrate. From the group chat messages it was discussed and planned on the holiday. One of the girls kept saying things like party at this time event starts at that time obviously I haven’t formally been invited and when In contact with sibling over weekend plans I wast asked if I was going. It just feels a bit mean to talk openly about events and party’s when I’m not invited. Could they not have another chat I’m the only one out of the group not asked. It seems when I’m not there at certain events they plan the next one. I probably get invited to 1-3 events. If the event isn’t toddler appropriate I can get a baby sitter or if they don’t want me as it’s just them and there friends I wouldn’t mind if they just said.

OP posts:
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Mentos81 · 21/07/2025 11:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
nohomealone · 21/07/2025 08:28

I went out with my friends 2 weeks ago and meet ip with friends during the week but we all have baby’s so was looking forward to a baby free day

OP posts:
Jewelanemone · 21/07/2025 08:23

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 08:05

She clearly says

“I went out alone and was watching them having fun”!!!

Show quote history

She doesn't say she was watching them.

'I did go out alone but could just see all the others out having fun together.'

I took this to mean she could imagine them having fun together.

Poopeepoopee · 21/07/2025 08:17

OP why did you go out alone and not organise a night out with your friends?

In fact, when was the last time you organised a night out with your friends?

Notabother · 21/07/2025 08:14

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 08:05

She clearly says

“I went out alone and was watching them having fun”!!!

Show quote history

I took it to mean she had to go out alone on that occasion as had nobody to go out with and saw on social media that they were all together. Not that she literally went out and watched them.

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 08:05

BlueBelle7979 · 21/07/2025 08:01

I think she means watching on social media not in person lol

Show quote history

She clearly says

“I went out alone and was watching them having fun”!!!

BlueBelle7979 · 21/07/2025 08:01

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 07:34

The OP admits to going out and “watching them”

FGS doesn’t that set off alarm bells here

Show quote history

I think she means watching on social media not in person lol

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 07:43

KentuckyFriedPigeon · 21/07/2025 07:42

I assume she means on social media. Not stalking.

I feel for you OP. Do you have a friendship group of your own? Id focus on that instead.

Show quote history

“I went out alone”

KentuckyFriedPigeon · 21/07/2025 07:42

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 07:34

The OP admits to going out and “watching them”

FGS doesn’t that set off alarm bells here

Show quote history

I assume she means on social media. Not stalking.

I feel for you OP. Do you have a friendship group of your own? Id focus on that instead.

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 07:34

Goditsmemargaret · 21/07/2025 07:32

What a mean spirited post.

Show quote history

The OP admits to going out and “watching them”

FGS doesn’t that set off alarm bells here

Goditsmemargaret · 21/07/2025 07:32

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 07:13

I’m just hanging on now to understand more about the OP “going out alone” and “watching the others having fun”!!!

It sounds a touch sinister!

What a mean spirited post.

Pippa12 · 21/07/2025 07:21

I think this sounds really mean actually. I have this exact set up with my sister, she comes along with ‘my’ school friends on nights out as, like you, she’s known them 30 years. Shes in our group chat and invited to everything. The other week, I couldn’t make the night out but my sister went without me. If I was your sister I’d be pissed off with your treatment. You’re either in the circle or not (hence the ‘what’s app group’). I don’t beleive anybody would be ‘chill’ about never really knowing if they were invited or not.

I think I’d put a friendly message on the group next time these messages where pinging back and forth along the lines of ‘Hey girls- don’t think these messages involve me so going to bow out the group- hope you have a great night/day xx’ These friends seem thoughtless at the very least!

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 07:13

I’m just hanging on now to understand more about the OP “going out alone” and “watching the others having fun”!!!

It sounds a touch sinister!

ZoomingSusan · 21/07/2025 06:48

Lurkingandlearning · 19/07/2025 21:18

Sometimes when an established group gets together for a dinner that someone else has been invited to and the evening is going well, one of the group might have a warm, fuzzy feeling and spontaneously invite the new person to join the group, whether that be a group chat or regular meet up. There are many reasons why, going forward, the new person isn't as wholly welcome as had been suggested. It almost certainly isn't meant to be unkind, it's just that the invitation wasn't thought through. I think you may have fallen foul of that.

I can see how having been invited and then been effectively dropped is hurtful, but don't take it to heart. Maybe your sister wants her own separate set of friends the way you have yours. Just mute the chat and spend time with your sister away from her friends.

This sounds likely. Your sister may want to have you in her social life some of the time but not always. If it doesn’t feel possible to ask her directly and you like chatting with others in group, could you just decide to be there for the chat and ignore the discussions about meeting up? Or leave if you won’t miss it too much and contact the people you like most individually?

thelakeisle · 21/07/2025 06:32

Doesn't seem much point in being in the chat, you're not considered a real member of the group, I'd leave.

Secretsquirels · 21/07/2025 06:27

I think that you need to toughen up a bit about the things which you aren’t invited to. These are your sisters friends, you’re new to the group, and you have a young baby.

At the same time, if you haven’t already, you might want to think about organising a couple of things and inviting them all. We tend to invite people to things who have invited us in the past….

Hodgemollar · 21/07/2025 06:09

Surely it’s completely appropriate that you’re invited to 1 in 3 events given they aren’t really your friends but you’re just an extension of your sister?

user1492757084 · 21/07/2025 06:08

You are being too sensitive, Op.
Be up front when confused and just ask - Hey, am I invited to this one?
In all likely hood you are invited if you are a chat group member and that is possibly what you are not understanding.

If not, the fact of you consistently asking for clarification will be evident and make the group reassess their communication.
You are all just very busy parents and I think you are over reacting.

MyDeftDuck · 21/07/2025 06:08

nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:29

@Inthecafei just think it’s rude to chat about them in front of my face. It sucks I spoke to my sister and said this week had been hard my husband works away we have no help baby is 11 months. I said I wish I had some plans this weekend as husband was going to give me a day off to go relax and rest. I did go out alone but could just see all the others out having fun together.

Then leave the group, focus on your own life and make your own friendship group.
I love my siblings dearly but would not want to socialise with them AND their friends on a regular basis……we have totally difference interests to begin with. Siblings are family and a completely different dynamic to a group of people having a night out or a weekend away.

Wilfrida1 · 21/07/2025 05:50

nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:29

@Inthecafei just think it’s rude to chat about them in front of my face. It sucks I spoke to my sister and said this week had been hard my husband works away we have no help baby is 11 months. I said I wish I had some plans this weekend as husband was going to give me a day off to go relax and rest. I did go out alone but could just see all the others out having fun together.

No help? Does your sister not ever help you?

CaptainFuture · 21/07/2025 05:44

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:34

Come again

you “went out alone”

and watched “the others having fun”

did they know you were “watching” them?

Show quote history

This, and why didn't you approach your own group of friends to do something?
Who actually added you to the group? And as per pp were they merry on the sherry when they did?

CopperWhite · 21/07/2025 05:39

To me it just sounds like an oversight. People
have lots of groups and too many people in a group to keep track of and individual considerations about people get missed. They probably think your sister is letting you know of any plans you might like to join.

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:34

nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:29

@Inthecafei just think it’s rude to chat about them in front of my face. It sucks I spoke to my sister and said this week had been hard my husband works away we have no help baby is 11 months. I said I wish I had some plans this weekend as husband was going to give me a day off to go relax and rest. I did go out alone but could just see all the others out having fun together.

Come again

you “went out alone”

and watched “the others having fun”

did they know you were “watching” them?

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:33

nohomealone · 21/07/2025 05:29

@Inthecafei just think it’s rude to chat about them in front of my face. It sucks I spoke to my sister and said this week had been hard my husband works away we have no help baby is 11 months. I said I wish I had some plans this weekend as husband was going to give me a day off to go relax and rest. I did go out alone but could just see all the others out having fun together.

well if you think it’s rude
leave the very long standing group chat of very close friends

it will be better for you
it will be better for them

CaptainFuture · 21/07/2025 05:33

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:24

In contact with sibling over weekend plans I wast asked if I was going.

because you are not invited!!

OP just focus on your own group of friends. Otherwise, I think you’re going to make a pest of yourself amongst this group

@nohomealone is your sis in WhatsApp group chats with your friends?