DH wants to take the babysitter to the beach

I suppose the question is, do you think he is able to look after three children on the beach? Either you do or you don’t. If he is, then you don’t need help.

If he isn’t then either your family can’t go to the beach or someone else has to come to the beach to help out.

For those who are saying he just want to make the day as nice as possible, if it was a mother who was taking a babysitter with her because looking after her own 3 dcs is too hard work etc etc would you find it normal?

im pretty sure she’d be judged instead. And people would ask why she had that many kids if she can’t look after them and automatically need support….

We were on a Greek island a few years ago. There was a couple with a teenage daughter and her friend (not nanny).

The daughter and her friend went topless in their bikinis. They then went to play with a ball in the sea. The dad went to join them. It was horrendous to see. The mum sat on the beach watching her husband playing volleyball with her daughter’s teen topless friend. He was loving it, it was so gross that I remember it clearly today.

I’m in a 5* resort abroad this week, several families are here with one or even two nannies. Nannies are carrying the kids toys/inflatables, taking them to the loo, fetching drinks, etc. The parents still do the nice bits like building sandcastles or playing in the water.
I really don’t see an issue, especially as OP said she is not well enough to run around with the DC on the beach - and unclear how much her DH can do.

I’d have more issues with the idea that your dh can’t look after his own dcs on his own. And nor does he feel it’s his responsibility.

i dint think he is thinking of the cute teenager or you not being a good enough mum able to look after her dcs.
i think he knows you won’t be able to do so he’ll have to. And he can’t be bothered.

And he migut have health issues but if he can go running, he can look after his dcs on the beach. Saying that as a chronically ill mum who struggled to look after her DCs….

I'd appreciate an extra pair of eyes, if you think your husband is attracted to a teenage babysitter then why on earth are you with him?

Given there are a lot of single parents with 3 children who manage a day out on their own with their school age dc I don’t see why 2 adults, even if one isn’t able to do any running around can’t.

Strict instructions about wandering off and no going anywhere near the sea , no talking to strangers etc and discussions on water safety, sea currents and if you as parents can’t see them at all times on a crowded beach it is going to make you panic and worry about their safety. I would pick out a spot, possibly high up on the promenade where if they get lost and cant work out where you are, they make their way to that spot so you can also go to that spot and find them or when you have a place on the beach you can point out buildings and structures that you are in line with so they can attempt to navigate themselves back to you

Get lots of buckets and spades and a big cool box for drinks and a picnic and all should be good

They are all over the age of 5 so there should be some sense in them and they can communicate what they want.

More people breeding children they dont want and cant look after or cant be bothered to look after ,

Personally I'd take it at face value and appreciate the help. I'm secure in my relationship though.

I'm guessing from (my perception of) your tone @Sickofmen12 that you think he only wants to take her so he can perve at her in a swimsuit? Not for practical reasons as stated? Does he have form for that?

You don’t need a babysitter if one parent is there let alone both. You have school aged children, not toddlers, so you won’t need to constantly run after them.

It sounds like you need to get an unattractive (to your husband) nanny / babysitter.

I take my three DCs to the beach no problem, but it is lovely when I do go with another adult so I get 1-1 time with each of the kids and maybe even the opportunity to stare out to sea.

He's working flat out in a busy job and I'm guessing when he is home he chips in with the kids, house and possibly looking after you if you are having a flare up. He has own health problems. You don't often go out as a family, why not make the day as easy and enjoyable as possible?

If you think your DH is lusting after a teenage girl you have a massive problem on your hands. It sounds more likely your insecurities are getting in the way of having a nice day out.

His suggestion sounds perfectly reasonable. Why do you think he has an ulterior motive ? It would never have crossed my mind that my husband pervs at teenagers in bikinis.

Sounds like he is capable of it, but doesn't want to put in the work.

Your YANBU reasoning makes you sounds bonkers and paranoid,l

Sounds like he is trying to make the day as stress free as can be.

You admit that you cant do the running around.

He possibly wants a bit of a rest himself, and whilst he wants to play with the kids, also wants someone else there who can be hands on with the carrying/ toing and froing from the sea and it is also handy(and feels safer,) to have another older person (ie not young child) if the kids want to play in the sea

I don't think his suggestion is that off.

I do think your comment about her in the swimwear is a bit odd...what are you trying to imply? That he will be ogling the babysitter? Does he have form for that? If he does then you definitely need not invite this poor girl and leave your disgusting husband. If he doesn't, and its just projection on your part, then thats massively uncalled for and unfair to him

This. Just look after your own kids like everyone else manages to.

I think he was trying to help, although if he runs for fitness then surely he can run after the kids unless they’re very young. Unless something else has been said that would make you think you DH just wants to see the babysitter in a “cute” swimming costume, I think you’re projecting the ideas that he thinks you can’t look after your kids and also that he wants to see the babysitter in fewer clothes - you have health problems and she’s potentially a child herself

What do you think if you are the one who have to look after 3 school aged kids in a busy beach by yourself? I would say your dh is very thoughtful.

Lots of shoe bodied people with 3 kids have help on holidays and at home as an extra pair of hands make it easier.

I don’t think there’s a need to take it as any sort of value judgement. Maybe he wants you both to be able to sit back a bit and enjoy and babysitter do the hard bits like toilet runs and snack runs and beach racing

Can't your DH keep an eye on the kids?

I'm a single parent and have never had any problems taking DC to the beach on my own.

Oh, how the other half live! You both sound a bit useless, why not parent your own kids instead of relying on soneone else's teenager.

Your putting to much on the teenager! 2 adults with health issues & 3 kids at the beach! If that was my daughter telling me she had taken this job I’d be ringing you up.

It’s a great suggestion frankly. Lots of people take their childcare on trips with them for extra support.

if you think it will be intrusive then say no

I misread post - apologies

I misread post - apologies