DH wants to take the babysitter to the beach

Fair comment OP but you seem to have paid little to no regard to the seating arrangements in the car! You stated that the babysitter will be squeezed into the car with your kids……..do you have a regular 5 seater or an SUV with additional seating with seatbelts/safety for everyone!

Children need to play. They will want to play on the beach.

They have one parent who is unable and another who is unwilling to play.

You don't want to take a trusted adult along to play with them because of your own insecurity. Yes, husband should be playing with them but if he doesn't or does so under duress then it's not great for the children.

Life with children is all about what they need. Other people's wants are secondary.

If husband goes running for fitness, why can't he play with the kids on the beach?

Kindly, if you want intimacy and privacy for your family (or for you and your husband), a day trip to the beach isn't going to provide it, with or without your babysitter. I expect you know that, though. It sounds as though your concern is based around insecurity about your appearance due to your health. That is completely understandable, but unless you have reason to be suspicious (and only you can know that) it is not fair to either your husband or your babysitter to assume he will be "given ideas" by the sight of her in a swimming costume. So I think you need to have a proper think about what is really concerning you, and if you trust your husband, perhaps explain how you are feeling about yourself at the moment (not the babysitter!).

If you don’t think he fancies her (which would be a real concern) it seem to me that the issue is that he is lazy.

That because you, as the woman and therefore natural default parent (in his eyes), can’t “run around” with the kids, he can’t possibly be expected to do so, and therefore another female has to do it.Because obviously he needs to sit and relax 🙄

I don’t want to give him ideas with seeing her in a swimsuit though, when I don’t give him any action right now due to being unwell

Why would he though? Would you seriously "get ideas" if you saw a 19 year old lad in swimshorts running around on the beach?

Its quite a disrespectful view of your husband to think he would be like this.

I really want to get that 19 year old out of there!

Hmm. I can see it from both sides, but I think it comes down to whether you think his intentions are that you have additional support, or that he is going to use the opportunity to gawk at a teenager?

I have a bad back (3 disks are in pretty bad shape) with one leg that goes numb without notice. My ex has arthritis in both of his hands/arms - so we both struggle in some way.
With 2 young ones, one who is ND neither of us could do a trip like this alone, and on a "good" day we might get away with us acting as a team, 1 child each but as back up I'd ask my eldest DD to join us to help out. (too old, cool and busy to join days out otherwise)

So I can see why he is offering, but also seeing why you'd be concerned.

Currently in discussion with DD about getting a paid carer to join to help with DS on days that would require lots of physical intervention like the beach would for him.

The issue is more about me wanting intimacy and privacy because we rarely do anything as a family

A day at the beach isn't about those things though. It's outdoor energetic public and even safety-wise it makes sense with 3 DC to have another pair of eyes/hands/legs. There's stepping up and then there's trying to wrangle 3 DC on his own, physically at least, which is a bit mad and wouldn't be at all private and intimate but a bit of a nightmare checking that one's not running off while you're burying another in the sand and paddling with the third. YABU. Arrange another family outing somewhere more apt where the two of you can have it all covered.

Depends on the ages of the kids really. Presumably you’d be at base camp handing out towels, snacks & sunscreen. DH would be supervising at the water.

Having the babysitter would make DH’s role easier, but him spending the day being ‘in charge’ of his own children isn’t a bad thing.

Also depends whether you babysitter already has plans of her own!

I don’t want to give him ideas with seeing her in a swimsuit though, when I don’t give him any action right now due to being unwell.

Why is this your thought process? It's weird, really weird. Why so you assume your grown man husband is interested in 19 year old girls? Is he?

I mean, in uni I used to babysit for a family so the mum could shut herself in her room for several hours. They had an enormous footballer’s wives style house. The kids were an absolute nightmare. If I had been her, I would have packed my bloody bags and left. So I can see why she hired someone for a few hours behind a closed door.

That said, while I don’t think having hired help is a bad thing if you have a disability and need it to facilitate a day out. I wouldn’t necessarily be comfortable asking a teenager to do it, for several reasons, including it being a big ask to look after other children in water.

But if your Dh can run regularly, he’s well enough to manage a day at the beach with his children. I have been going through cancer treatment for a year and have knees swelled up the size of grapefruits and can barely get upstairs, but I can take my 2 children to the beach.

Tbh as a former aupair this is total normal to me.

Is this you feeling insecure or do you actually suspect he is interested in her?

Where did you get boy from ?

Op says

Babysitter is 19, paid properly and she herself isn’t the issue and she’s lovely. DH isn’t interested in her romantically. I don’t want to give him ideas with seeing her in a swimsuit though, when I don’t give him any action right now due to being unwell.

On the basis that if you and DH are at the beach I am assuming there will be a number of teenagers there in swimming costumes… so surely if he is so simple minded as to get ‘ideas’ with your babysitter - then it would equally happen with any of the gazillion people there.. this is all about you I’m afraid.. he actually sounds quite thoughtful..

YABVU

Why are you letting your insecurities about your body overtake a fun day out for the kids.

I think DH could manage 3 kids but I don’t know what your kids are like and whether they do need an extra carer.

The fact that you need a second pair of hands means that they likely aren’t that independent yet and so an extra person will probably come in handy.

I assume you have a car big enough for everyone.

This is purely about your DH seeing her in her swimming costume and that is not a reason to not invite her.

Wow, you have a very low opinion of your husband if you think seeing a teenager in a bathing suit is a problem. “Give him ideas” - geez.

When I used to babysit I’d go on days out like this all the time. I actually found it quite fun if I’m honest, better than being stuck in the house all day. If I were you I’d maybe offer her some extra cash, because a beach day is full on.

I always find the beach stressful and only really take the kids if there’s an extra adult there. Taking the babysitter sounds like a shout.

I did this lots of times when my DC were young, I looked on it in a similar way to a grandparent going on a day out partly to help out as an extra pair of hands.

Will the kids love having the baby sitter there to entertain them at the beach? If so I think it's a great idea.

The OP suggests the baby sitter will be wearing a 'cute' swimsuit so I have no idea why everyone is saying it's a boy.

His reasoning is obviously that she can run around with the kids while you parents get a chance to relax on the beach, reading your books and eating ice creams without the kids bugging you for this and that. Sounds lovely.

She isn’t going to be the only young woman in a swimsuit on the beach and you won’t be the only mum insecure about her body. Try to let go of the negative thoughts and enjoy yourself. Sounds like you have a loving husband who has your back. From what I read on MN this is becoming rare. Enjoy.

Where does OP say the babysitter is a boy? There's nothing in the post to suggest that and her saying the babysitter could be wearing a 'cute swimsuit' doesn't imply that either.

'A few quid' to look after three toddlers?

Can you not sit on beach in deck chair and supervise? Your husband has energy for fitness running but not to look after his own children, he needs a stern word