DH wants to take the babysitter to the beach

I think when OP said teenager, it may have given the impression we're talking a young teenager, 14 or something, whereas in fact the baby sitter is 19, so in fact is an adult.

The OP says the teenager is a girl. Where does it say they are male?

There’s a lot to unpick here.
I too would be annoyed if my husband thought that between us we couldn’t manage three kids without the babysitter being there. Why can’t he muck in if you are having a not so good day? You say he also has health issues, but yet he is able to go for runs? Obviously I don’t know your husband, but it sounds like he might be looking for an excuse to be lazy/sunbathe and not have to run around after the kids. Which is ok I guess if you have the money to pay a babysitter to come but it doesn’t exactly allow for a nice family day out does it?

There is clearly a self esteem issue here for you if you are not feeling your best and feel that seeing the young baby sitter in her swimsuit will make you feel insecure. I get it, but if your husband loves you, seeing 19 year old in a bathing suit might briefly catch his eye, but it wouldn’t lead to him ‘getting ideas’ about having sex with her, no matter how little sex you two are currently having. If you think it would, then you have bigger problems here.

Surely going to the beach could mean he is seeing lots of young women in skimpy bikinis? If you're that worried about where he is looking maybe the beach isn't a great trip to have.

I've done this before and had zero health issues! Nor did dh, but we had 4 kids and it was a bloody godsend having an energetic teen there to muck about with them. We all went swimming etc together then fh and the babysitter played with them while I read my book. We did it a few times.

My babysitter happened to be a teenage boy, but even so I wouldn't have worried about a girl in a bikini! There's plenty of others on the beach.

If your DH is a runner, then other health issues are surely irrelevant as he must be physically capable of managing his own children. Or am I missing something? here?

Oh dear - you sound quite worried about the possibility of DH straying while you are unwell. That's really upsetting. There will be plenty of other 19 year olds at the beach in swimming costumes though, so perhaps this isn't a strong reason for avoiding taking a familiar and helpful young woman along for the day.

Dont see the problem. If your both quite immobile. Sounds like a good idea.

People are really naive if they think a 19 year old in a swimsuit is unattractive to a man, or a man would not notice.

I'm with you OP. My answer would be no, I can manage without her thanks.

Then pay attention to his reaction. If it is to buckle down however subtly, that you will need her help, and why are you being unreasonable then your concerns are justified.

If not, and he just cool with it then you can change your mind can't you?

No, it’s his wife who thinks he wants to see the babysitter in a bikini (she just says ‘cute swimwear) if she thinks her husband is so sleazy as to ogle their teenage babysitter, then she has MUCH bigger problems than a day at the beach. Poor babysitter….

I don't live in the UK and here it is very common to bring paid help out and about with you. I personally would not do a beach day without bringing our nanny, if I also wanted to have a nice time. It's just so helpful to have an extra pair of hands (and that's without any disabilities).

So you think that between two of you, you should be fine taking care of the children, but it requires him to step up and actually do it for the day. He doesn't want to.

I'd say take the babysitter for the beach day and plan some else "as a family", something smaller, easier to manage which will give you the privacy and intimacy.

Women reach peak fertility in their late teens to early twenties so it is hardly a shocker that a lot of men find this age group attractive. I’m just surprised that some people are surprised by this.

If the OP brought a tall, strong doctor to help out at the beach, her DH might also feel a little insecure, especially if he was running around rescuing people.

Well is it meant to be a nice day out or not? Because if it's about being the main child carer for 3 DC on the beach then I wouldn't find that fun or relaxing and if I could afford an extra pair of hands so that it was fun and relaxing and I could enjoy it rather than stressing about whether one of them's off drowning/getting abducted etc while I'm running around after the others, then I'm all for it. Sounds like the DH works plenty in his job so why shouldn't they get help on a day out if it's gonna be all on him otherwise. We don't know if OP has managed 3 DC in this scenario as the reason this has come up is because she can't. He probably could but it wouldn't be the fun times OP is imagining. I'd be snappy and on edge whereas if the babysitter came, we could all chill and enjoy ourselves.

OP has said she pays the teenager ‘properly’ so there’s no reason to disbelieve her.

However, I absolutely agree with you why on earth is he not stepping up to be physically be there for his own kids?! Especially as OP mentions his various fitness interests!

@Sickofmen12 are you able to address this as I note many people are curious! Btw YANBU as it would annoy me too that DH is happy to sacrifice the intimacy and family time because he isn’t willing to pull his weight re childcare duties.

Sounds like he can’t be arsed to be the main child carer for the day and would rather offload that responsibility to a poorly paid female (as men have done for the history of the world). Personally it would annoy me if he couldn’t step up. I’m sure you’ve managed having three kids by yourself in the past.

If dh goes running for fitness then he’s perfectly capable of dealing with the kids on his own. He just doesn’t want to.
Only the op can say whether that’s because he’s lazy or perving over the teen.

I’d be most unimpressed that he’d rather make it a non family day out by taking someone else.

I suspect that this is just another example, indicative of the real problem in their relationship.

This reminds me of an argument I used to have with my wife years ago. I always wanted an au pair, she said we didn't need one as we didn't have children.

Why? Then there would be no need to feel insecure. My friend was having an affair with her current husband, their nanny is 60+ I don't think that's a coincidence (I'm sure she's a fabulous nanny, but just saying I'm sure that was a factor)

Firstly the babysitter isn't a 'girl' she's a 19 year old adult woman - who by the OPs admission is lovely and is paid for her time. Referring to her as a 'teen' babysitter kind of undermines and infantalises her.
She presumably enjoys working for the family and if she doesn't then is capable of not doing so.
I think it's a great idea to take her if she is willing to come along. It will give you and your husband time together too, rather than him just running around after the children. Plenty of people take 'the nanny' on holiday, it's just a day trip version.
Stop over analysing it and enjoy a day out.

That's what I was going to reply lol how bizarre.

So he's quite capable of running for fitness, but can't look after his own kids on a beach? Wow.

Other issues aside, if they’ll be swimming, I’d definitely want another pair of eyes there, to watch 3 of them.

But that’s assuming that a teen babysitter won’t be glued to her phone. TBH I’ve seen plenty of parents, never mind babysitters, glued to their phones on the beach, while supposedly watching their children.

I agree. It is creepy.

Respect their youth, don't put your insecurities on a young lady, trying to earn a few pound.

I think you should find a male babysitter since you’re uncomfortable around other women. Then your husband can make ridiculous accusations towards you - like you’re effectively doing here - to him.

Also pretty bold of you to assume that a teenage girl has any interest in an old man.