DH wants to take the babysitter to the beach

Would it be easier to just stay at home so your husband doesn't get ideas?

I'm just wondering how he goes running for fitness but can't play with his children on the beach?

This was my reaction, and am amazed that so many voted YABU. I can't believe that anyone would think of taking a babysitter with them on a family day out to the beach. They need to parent their children, and I think he just doesn't see it as his job, which is incredibly sad that he wants to pay someone to play with his kids.

Exactly. How insulting. He would be furious if he knew what you think of him.

Sounds like your husband is being a bit lazy but you will all have an easier time with an extra pair of hands.

OP says herself she has good days and bad days, maybe it's the same for him. She says he does have health issues and the 'goes for a run' comment is no different to when people doubt disabilities because they've seen them do xyz on another occasion.

As for this: People are really naive if they think a 19 year old in a swimsuit is unattractive to a man, or a man would not notice. I don't think anyone's saying it's unattractive, but anyone can look at a 19yo in a swimsuit in a heartbeat, online, on TV, in the pool, on the beach etc etc. Policing his ability to see this 19yo achieves nothing if the risk is DH seeing a young woman in a swimsuit.

Depends on ages of DC and if they have any SEN. I have 2 DC with SEN I wouldn't take them to the beach alone they both need 1 to 1 supervision when around water. But in your circumstances an extra pair of hands would be beneficial.

So the DH goes running for fitness and also has trips planned away by himself, but he can't look after his school aged kids on the beach. Just why exactly?

I don’t think a day at the beach is a good idea then. You can’t manage and he won’t help like a normal father would. It sounds like an awkward day, not the family day you had in mind.
There will be lots of women on the beach in bikinis and you can’t cover them all up either.

Maybe start with a local playground /park and bring a picnic and see how you all get on.

YABU. If you have 3 DC then having help will allow you more family time. Sitter takes 1 kid to a toilet or to the shop or whatever while you and DH mind others. Sitter takes older kid in the water for longer while you guys have a picnic. Sitter plays ball with kids so you go for a gentle stroll with DH.

My BIL and wife brought their nanny on holidays, we joined them. I've never been so jealous. Nanny packed the beach bag while they had breakfast, she put baby down for a nap while they went for lunch to a beachside bar with other DC, or she went playing with older kids so the couple could sit and cuddle baby together. Meanwhile dh and I were tag team all the time never sitting down together and we were both exhausted and stressed.

I think your comment about the woman's body is very weird though, lots of people will be in swimsuits. Either he fancies her which is an issue no matter what she wears or he doesn't, so why would it matter? It sounds like either you are very paranoid or dh is a dirty perv.

Clearly you didn’t understand what she said! It’s nothing to do with her husband doubting her abilities! It’s about the fact she has fluctuating health which means she struggles sometimes. He sounds thoughtful in thinking of taking the babysitter in case she’s not well! Nothing worse than disappointed children at the beach!

😅 funny 😁

Find a young male babysitter in future so there won’t be the same problem.

I mean... I wouldn't take a babysitter to the beach because that feels like family time and I wouldn't let my hair down fully with a babysitter there (any age, either sex, in a bikini or otherwise).

I wouldn't do a beach trip in your circumstances, I'd find something else which is more of a "kids run off and play, parents can participate or sit and watch" type thing. And then no babysitter is needed.

He's hardly going to though is he, if he has sense.

What. OP never once said that he’s hinted at this, let alone said it outright. It’s her own insecurity and it’s a bloody awful one - accusing an old male of wanting to see a teen in a bikini.

To be fair, more than two children near water with parents not physically fit enough to chase after them sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No idea what designs op’s dh may or may not have on the babysitter, but a young fit person seems like a sensible addition to the trip.

I think YABU. It's dangerous at the seaside. If you can't run after your kids you really need someone there who can. Unless they are all very well behaved abd strong swimmers? But even then it's a risk.
I have 3 young kids and I don't have serious health issues but I wouldn't take them all to the beach by myself. If both you and your DH have health issues he's being really sensible suggesting you take the baby sitter along with you to run after the kids if needs be.

I think the hub of the matter is in the last paragraph of OP's first post in the thread, in the sentence with the crossed out words.

OP isn't feeling her most youthful, energetic and attractive and is worried at the thought of DH making the comparison between her and the vibrant young woman. We can say until the cows come home 'yes, but he loves you' or 'but he's doing it to help you' etc. but OP is feeling underconfident and vulnerable, and I can totally understand her point of view, and see why the thought of this is worrying for her. I know I've been in a similar mindset at various points in my life. Lucky the woman who hasn't.

OP, you say your husband runs for fitness, so it sounds like he is well able to chase after them and run around etc. If you do actually want to go to the beach, tell him you want the day to be a family day alone with no one else. It doesn't sound like you need anyone else there at all. But DO bear in mind there are likely to be younger women there. If this still concerns you, I would think of some other family day out, rather than the beach.

Unless you're planning to rent a secluded private beach, I'm guessing there'll be a lot of other women around looking better and younger than you. What would you do about them? Tell them to go away from your husbands view? So that's a ridiculous thought in my opinion.
I understand you have insecurities and these thoughts stem from your insecurities, but you'll have to trust your husband he probably had your best interests at heart.

If you think his head turns that fast, then probably you shouldn't allow him in public spaces at all, anywhere. Maybe even lock him up in the house , forever. 😅

I think you're exaggerating. Take his proposition, consider it, see how you feel about and say yes please or no thanks. Easy.

If he’s fit enough to run he’s fit enough to watch 3 school aged children

I really can’t see the issue with suggesting taking a baby sitter, who presumably knows your kids well and could help them have a great time? It sounds like he’d be solely responsible for child safety. With a busy beach, I could well see why he’d want a bit of help - make it more fun for everyone? As said babysitter is 19 couldn’t she drive herself and you pay petrol money or whatever to get round the car issue?

I think he is just trying to be helpful. If you're uncomfortable with it being the baby sitter could you perhaps ask a family member to come with you?

You don’t take a babysitter to the beach, those are days for spending as a family. Sounds like he wants to sit back looking at his phone while someone runs about entertaining his kids, you can’t so get the babysitter to do it.

There was no need to feel insecure anyway. And suggesting that someone old and/or ugly (subjective opinion) means they can't be attractive is just wrong. Also, imagine employing a babysitter just because they are 'old and ugly' - can't you see anything wrong with that?!