DH wants to take the babysitter to the beach

Same, and what if you run out of drinks or kids want an ice cream? Will dh have to take them with him to keep them safe as how quickly they can run into the water or just off always gives me the absolute fear!

Ah, mumsnet you never let me down. 4 posts it took until someone decided the man wanted to sneak off into the sand dunes and shag the babysitter. Honestly.

Why do you keep saying they are male? Op has said she’s female

I don’t think you’re being oversensitive at all and I would feel exactly the same. When I was 19, older men would always try it on with me on dating apps or when I went out.

I’m mid twenties now but I would not like the thought of a partner of mine suggesting to bring a 19 year old presumedly in a bikini to the beach for a family day out.

He goes running for fitness so he can run

Surely the children can do most of the running around? Most parents don't need to chase after them unless they're toddlers or babies?

It’s quite obvious from your post that this about your insecurities, which I do appreciate must be difficult in your position.

I don’t think he’s thinking to perv on the baby sitter and actually being thoughtful, but I would just decline his offer if it’ll make you feel uncomfortable as you’ll likely end up causing an argument if she comes over things you are over analysing.

Hopefully the kids can entertain themselves l? How old?

Is it because you think he fancies her?

If not I don't understand why it's such a worrying thing to suggest. Surely it's fine for her to take up one seat in the car if there's still enough space for you, DH and kids?

But ultimately if you don't want her there then just say no. He should respect your wishes if you're adamant.

But I wouldn't take it as some terrible aside against you, or that he's desperate to shag her. It could be very helpful?

I would take the babysitter but then give her a few hours to have a break so you could all be alone if you are well enough. Better to have her and not need her than the other way round.

How bad are your health problems. Becuase the beach can be very dangerous if you can't run after your kids if they are running towards the ocean. Our beach days give me panick attacks trying to make sure the kids don't drown.

Glad you enjoyed the joke. Though, reading this thread, I can imagine taking a 19 year old down the beach with you is good baby-sitting money. Most of us can only dream of such things. Lol!

Thinking about the DC's point of view, when me and my brothers were children we had a few regular babysitters. My dad was great fun on the beach (mum not so much though she provided good sandwiches and was ace at building sand castles) but the babysitters would have been even better. They loved to play with us and had great energy and imaginations.

Or maybe there will be!

I get that, it's a factor, but it's only one thing to be weighed up against other practicalities. Again if that's the top priority, then maybe go somewhere other than a beach, where the other factors won't be an issue.

Relaxed is maybe not the right word, as I never found holidays particularly relaxing with children (including one with SN that required one of us to be with them at all times), but I wouldn't want to have to moderate what I'm saying, for example, because there's someone else with us.

Days out can be fun with all manner of folk, from school groups to family and friends to whoever's around on the beach that day to play with who wasn't part of a pre-planned making memories strategy. I actually tend to remember things more when it wasn't just my parents there as they were the default/norm so that blurs into general childhood more than 'the time when babysitter came with us'.

Besides, this person is hardly an outsider, the kids are used to her and she'll probably be more fun not least because she's being paid to be there and doesn't have any health issues.

No one's putting DH on a pedestal but equally why should the OP get the thing she wants like that's of utmost importance and he should suck it up whatever? Isn't it a day out that's meant to be fun for all of them or just for OP and kids to enjoy while he facilitates?

If OP wanted to bring her mother along to help and hang out with, that would be fine, wouldn't it? In the absence of that kind of help, this is the next best thing.

Days out are fun and things children remember because theyre spent with their parents interacting with them. Not with a babysitter.
Same with making memories as a family, one if the thing the OP wants. That’s something you build together not with an outsider there that will completely change the dynamics.

And yes days out can be knackering. That’s part of being a parent. It’s not because he works (as if mothers didn’t) and his wife is struggling just now that he gets to be put in a pedestal with a ‘oh poor you. No one should ask you to look after your 3 kids with no help. That would be cruel’.

I’m with your dh. I wouldn’t want to run after 3 little kids in udifferent directions nor would I manage being in the water with 3 kids so help is needed. If you can’t do it then babysitter is the good option.
fwiw going to the beach with 3 young kids and no help is the very furthest thing from relaxing and enjoyable to me!

So the problem is that your DH can't manage 3 school age children at the beach, if you are unwell and unable to help much? I think taking the babysitter along could be a fun day out for everybody and an opportunity for your DH to focus on you, assuming you have a large enough vehicle. But if he's just being hopeless, that's more of a problem.

I understood what OP said perfectly.

I have a different interpretation from you.

We quite often took one of my teenage nieces to the beach. Made it more fun and relaxed for everyone to have an extra grown up. And I am reasonably sure my dp didn’t “get ideas”-what with him being a 35 year old man and her being 17….

I agree with this.

This is not a criticism of op, but he is the one who, after being out at work all week would be doing the running around, not able to take eyes of kids due to risks of busy beach and the sea, fetching and carrying etc work at the beach.

It possibly won't be the lovely intimate family day out for him if he's the adult who has to pretty much do all the hard bits.

Days out can be fun but hard and tiring so why not take an extra pair of hands if thats an available option?

I get that but it's not gonna be relaxed for him, is it? And the conversations are going to get snappy. I found it stressful enough (and frankly quite boring) with 2 young DC at the beach and two able-bodied parents. With 3 DC and him having to 'step up' to run around after all 3, it sounds like a recipe for a knackering day out. I get that it's some people's milieu and they love nothing better than playing with kids all day at the beach and see others as lazy for not wanting to do it all, but if OP can't do it all herself, and if he wants and can afford the help, that's seems fair enough to me and the relaxed making memories fun can happen babysitter-free on a more apt day out that they can manage fine between them.

I mean... I wouldn't take a babysitter to the beach because that feels like family time and I wouldn't let my hair down fully with a babysitter there (any age, either sex, in a bikini or otherwise).

That's how I would have felt too when mine were kids (and we do have one with SN, but I still wouldn't have wanted a carer with us).

I think the OP's use of intimacy and privacy just means she wants it to be just family, not outsiders, so she can be relaxed and not have someone else listening to conversations etc.

Somebody said, how's it different to having a cleaner, but presumably your cleaner just gets on with the job and all of the family aren't around them socialising and chatting at the time.