DH wants to take the babysitter to the beach

Well at one level the help might be useful- but there are several points to make.

1/ Your DC are school age, no one really needs to be running after them, unless they are particularly unruly.
2/ Why is your DH questioning your (and his ) ability to control your DC.
3/ If your DH runs for fitness I don't see why he could not run after the children if it were necessary.
4/ If 1/, 2/ and 3/ are the case why does your DH want to pay to take your babysitter on a private family outing?- it sounds as if there might be an ulterior motive which has been wrapped in concern for you- rather creepy if so.

True tho if go to school and no sen as hasn’t been mentioned then should be capable of listening and obeying esp on busy beaches

That doesn't really tell you how old they are though does it? It could be three four-year-olds. It could be a 4-year-old a 5-year-old and a 6-year-old. It could be a 14-year-old 15-year-old and a 16-year-old. School age pretty much ranges from 4 to 18.

I think it sounds like a really good idea.

It’s in the first post

3 school aged children

so youngest is 4/5 possibly older plus 2 older ones

so not 3 under 4

I'd say it's a perfectly reasonable suggestion. Me and DH are in perfect health (touchwood) and yet we still find it exhausting running around after DC. They each take off in different directions, with steely determination, so we have to have one adult following each child.

That said, YANBU to think it would be awkward and to say no.

We don't know the ages of the children. We don't know if they have any kind of special needs. We know the husband runs but has health issues, how often does he run? Maybe he only runs when he's able. Maybe he's looking at taking his kids for a day at the beach after working all week and would like some help wrangling them that the OP can't provide. There's not enough information to determine that he's in the wrong.

Depends on age of children though? I'd imagine anyone would struggle to keep a 4month old, an 18 month old and a 4yo all safe on a busy beach by the sea! What happens when one needs the loo, or nappies need changed?

Makes you wonder what his issues are

Why he can’t ?

Not only this but imagine, in the recent heatwave we went to our closest nice sandy beach and two 20 something ladies with thongs and bikini just bent and twerked. I am sure many men ( including women ) pretended this went unnoticed.

lol, pm if you were at the same time, at the same beach LOOOOOOL

Surely he’s capable of running around after them if he goes running?

Teenagers don't destroy marriages, the men do. If you don't trust your husband, tell him. Don't mention the poor teenage child who is helping, running in cute swimsuit. You can be her mother, be protective if your husband is a sleaze, not jealous of a child with some growth

It’s very normal to take an au pair on holiday. My parents did it, I did it. Makes for a much easier holiday.

It making you feel insecure is a different issue.

I think that YANBU but not because of the swimsuit thing people are focussing on but because it seems that your husband doesnt want to step up.

Its coming to me as "Wife cant, I cant be arsed, so lets pay the babysitter".

Why cant he look after his own kids? If he runs then clearly he is fit enough.

Sounds like he expects you to do all the parenting and if you cant he would rather pay another woman to do it than do it himself.

We have 2x teen sisters who babysit for us through the year (4 kids) and took them on holiday with us to France last year. They got a free holiday, we got to go out for dinner when we wanted to and I never once thought about my husband perving on them.

It sounds more like you are projecting your own insecurities for your lack of a sex life onto him? I dont mean to sound rude but have you considered perhaps seeing a counsellor or having couples therapy?

People (well, rich people) take Nannie’s / childminders on holiday all the time. Albeit in their case they probably can’t be bothered to put the effort in with the kids.

In your case this is a perfectly sensible idea to make up for your health issues. The kids and you will be benefit from it.

Frankly, you just sound insecure about your ability to be a normal parent kids, which is pointless, you can’t.

I’m assuming he sees said babysitter in normal day clothes? Is he a weird perv who can’t see a very young woman in a swim suit without getting the urge?

So this is more about the fact DH drops the ball on engaging with his kids?

You think he'd be fine with the kids at the beach if he could be bothered, that his health issues would not actually stop him keeping them safe and happy? But he always has an excuse not to actually do the grunt work of parenting - his work, he's tired, having to do his work and yours because of the flare up, etc. When you're well it all falls to you and when you're not he generally covers the gaps by sticking them in front of the TV or something?

If this is the case, YANBU if you're correct about his capability, but could you be wrong? And will he step up without the babysitter there, or will the kids just have a miserable time?

18 and 21

Beaches are full of hazards for small kids. That trip will be less difficult if you have an extra person with you.

For a family day without extra help, have a think around local ish museums/ National Trust places / maybe theme parks where there isn't water and is some level of shelter from rain / heat.

Unless your husband has given you reason to think this way, that's a really insulting thing to think and also pretty gross of you to sexualise a teenager. If you don't want her there, then that's fair, but I can understand that your DH doesn't feel overly comfortable having to try to look after 3 small children and you at the same time, especially on the beach where there are quite a lot of dangers.

Sorry, I’m still scrolling I haven’t seen that bit yet 🙂

If your DH can run for fitness why can’t he play with the kids?

I agree.

Someone’s being really creepy here, and I suspect it may not be the husband.

Unless there’s a back story to this, which I suggest there isn’t as in that case they’d not still be using this babysitter at all.

People with money do this all the time. Paid help is normal.

I corrected this a few minutes afterwards and apologised for not reading the post properly