DH wants to take the babysitter to the beach

Well, I think the OP’e username also points to an epic backstory.

but without this possible backstory, I don’t think the idea is unreasonable. I had friends with three DC who used to bring their au pair on days out even if I was there as well. It was easier for everyone to have more adults to take turns doing things with DC even without the health issues.

Depends on ages of the children. The fact you also have three to keep an eye on is also problematic if they all disappear in different directions. On a busy beach if you are unable to keep getting up with them to take them to the water or run around playing beach games then I can quite see why DH thinks extra help would be useful.

Are you just annoyed because it's a teenager? Would about hiring someone else - older? However I am guessing your teenage babysitter is relatively cheap than if you hired a professional with qualifications.

As none of the questions have been answered about ages of the DC and the teenager- 19 and 13 are very different - it’s impossible to comment. Are you coming back to the thread @Sickofmen12.

Meant kindly - don’t let your insecurities run away with you! Relax, this is fine - just dh saying let’s make life easy!

Let’s just be really clear: you’re a good mum, you’re a busy mum and you deserve a day out.

If you think having the babysitter there would detract from it feeling like a “nice family day out” then I get it - alternatively you could organise day at beach with friends or family to dilute the kids/ adult ratio.

The most concerning part of all of this is your description of a teenage girls swimwear

does your DH really need help with the kids?? It sounds like they’re old enough to listen so I can’t see why three kids at the beach is really unmanageable for him… Im not saying it’s because he fancies her he wants to take her along; but maybe more so he sees you ‘having help’ and seems to think he also needs the help.. does he? Or does he think you don’t deserve it really…

Other underlying thing is your consideration he fancies her… it says something about your current state of relationship. Might be some improvements to make.

In your case I’d probably find different childcare help to be honest aswell as the babysitter. You’re sort of using her in the same way peopke use a nanny. She may well find your husband a bit creepy, I think I would have as a teen sort of playing families on days out especially if you weren’t there…
I’d expect her to start saying she was busy and seeing as you rely on her I’d find an alternative to use sometimes who was more professional, eg a qualified nanny or someone who has a retired teacher or similar so you don’t find yourself without support in future. Best of luck!

If you aren't going to be able to help him with the kids and he feels he might need help, then I think it's his call.

It sounds like he's just being realistic about what you're capable of - yabu really

You don't want her there, she's an occasional babysitter not a nanny or family, so that's that. She doesn't go.

Do you feel you need her there or not? That’s what it boils down to.

I think spend the money on carriage counselling as quite patently there’s trust issues bubbling away here

Maybe you should hire someone older to help you with your children. If this is a longterm problem. A proper childminder who is experienced.
Is it a money reason why you hire a teenager?
As you have made it sound like at certain times you can't do much for them at all.
Other people with health conditions do this or a nanny who doesn't live in the house .
Are you also offended because he worries you won't be up to it on the day? But if thats a strong possibility then he is probably just thinking ahead and thinking of you.
Or you could just pick another activity to do.

You sound quite seriously restricted by your health, and your DH more than anyone will be acutely aware of that fact, and how it impacts your ability to look after 3 young children.

So unless you have trust issues, then seems sensible to me

however the very fact you’re starting a thread about your DH and your concerns… I’m guessing there’s a fairly epic back story. Question is… will you share it?

Pretty sure I wouldn’t want my teenaged dd babysitting in your house…..

But that aside. 3 small children. Beach. 2 physically compromised parents. Yes, obviously another adult is a no brainer. Just not one that’s going to be objectified by either or both parents. Can one of your mums go?

when I was 20, I was a babysitter for a French family who had a 2,4,6 year old.

they didn’t have any health issues but often would hire me for days out such as this, so it meant they could have more 1 on 1 time with each child.

it then developed into me being paid to go on holiday with them for a week or two- skiing or beach holidays, I wasn’t an au pair as such (although I stayed with them on the holidays obviously, and in my own room/studio)

at the time I remember thinking they were mad but now I have my own DC I can see why they did it!

I wouldn’t think too much into it with the swimwear etc, if you’re in the UK it’ll be too cold anyway :D

always great to have an extra pair of hands.

your husband thinks you’re incapable of looking after your own kids alonee, even when he’s there

Wouldn’t it be more accurate to say your husband can’t be bothered to pull his weight and look after the kids even when he’s there…

I agree with this.
There is no reason to invite the babysitter.
If you're feeling off about your DH, that is a different issue.
Have a lovely day at the beach.

Sorry did you just say “a teenager.. running round a cute swimming suit”…. And you see her as a sexual rival in relation to your husband?

A teenager.

Wtf?

Yoy need to give your head a wobble and you should not invite her to the beach , nor have her babysit for your family as she is only a teenager and does not deserved to be sexualised in this manner by adults she is working for.

The OP said she can't run and nor can DH. I just think it's a really weird leap to assume his only motivation is perving on the babysitter.

They sound a bit hopeless and helpless to be honest.

I don't think the OP was looking for that kind of opinion...

Sorry OP I should clarify, I don't think YOU sound hopeless and helpless. I mean if your husband insists on bringing the babysitter to play with your kids, THEN it does come across that way for you both.

The babysitter is hired for when OP is unwell and parenting alone. Not a family beach day.

And OP has posted for opinions. So, that's what I'm doing.

Because I just cannot see any reason why they need a babysitter at the beach.The kids are school aged, so presumably can listen to instructions.

They already have help so why not for days out?

They sound a bit hopeless and helpless to be honest.

Why judge though?

You do realise if he fancied her, he'll fancy her in a black bag.

Exactly & beaches tend to have other young females in bikinis.

Because I just cannot see any reason why they need a babysitter at the beach.
The kids are school aged, so presumably can listen to instructions.
The dad is able to run.
The mum cannot run (who cares, i can run, but i don't, because honestly who can be bothered), but presumably is able to sit and build sandcastles, stand on the shoreline with the kids splashing, or sit and dole out snacks and reapply sunscreen.

They sound a bit hopeless and helpless to be honest.