To still go on holiday by myself after domestic incident

You’ve missed bits out of your story? The police were called due to DV, your husband received a caution on the spot (without first being arrested even) and then
went for a walk to “cool down” and the police were then fine for you to both stay in the same house that night?

Nah. But assuming everything happened the way you said, YABU. I would never, ever leave my children (or my pets for that matter) in the home alone with someone I’d very recently called the police on due to DV.

The police don’t think that there is Dv and assault charges for a reason chum 🙄 shameful comment

You would know your mum was going on holiday the following day anyway so why would be better disturbed at that?

So the husband has slapped her during an argument, and now posters are expecting her to give up her planned holiday with her sister as well? Just why?

What offender is the mother going on holiday with? Sure it said she was going with her sister.

And I don't see why the " children" who are mid teens would be unsafe in his care.

Honestly it's amazing how many people make wild comments that are irrelevant to the OP

??? Really? To me there would be no doubt at all.

I think to be honest if the police are going to contact SS, you are not going to look like a responsible parent to be away on holiday without your kids when they get in touch. You say it's fine but DH could take it out on them while you are gone.

no, you are right op,
dont go away, just yet

To be fair, I can see how someone who had never experienced anything remotely approaching DV before, who was slapped on the arm in a row (especially if it was a good whack), might be so shocked/upset that they'd panic and call the police.

I can also see how someone in that position might react with absolute fury that their partner had dared to behave that way, and make a conscious decision to call the police in retaliation.

With that said, I'm not sure I entirely believe OPs story...I'm reasonably sure that if police attend an allegation of DV, they have to remove one party 🤔

If it was a slap on the arm, after however many years of an otherwise good relationship would you actually call the police?

No.

So there's something else going on here.

Yes. Absolutely.

But.

I don't believe it's never been an abusive relationship.

One doesn't go from zero to ten.

There's something else going on.

What the fuck?

That's quite clearly assault. Christ almighty

Absolutely bonkers how many apologists are on this thread. A slap is a slap, of course OP did right to call the police.
I wouldn't go on holiday.

As long as you get into no text conversations with the family during, H can explain why he hit you to the children.

Imo that should be a family conversation. So if the dc text her checking in & with questions the OP should shut down conversation?

In these situations parents should be modelling how to cope with relationship fallout etc.

Mildly disturbed would be a better description.

If I heard my parents arguing, the police were called and my mum went on holiday the next day I would be more than mildly disturbed....

@Chumpachumpa

Look, I'm the first woman to tell you that no level of abuse is acceptable, but I'm going to read between the lines here and guess that there's more psychologically going on than 'no abuse and a hit on the arm'.

Why would you call the police otherwise?

He's either been needling you in a bad way for a long time and this was a line in the sand moment or you're a wrong'un.

I'm guessing it's the first.

So there is abuse. It's just never been physical before.

Yes?

Even for a punch, I don’t think the police are needed.

Severely affected?

I'm struggling to see how mid & late teens would be 'Severely affected' by the incident if there's never been any abuse before.

Mildly disturbed would be a better description.

So you had an argument, there's never been any DV, he slapped your arm & you called the police?

Why?

There must be more to this than what you've said.

OP, if your kids overheard anything, they would be severely affected by it. As others have said, it is very likely they would have heard something. You can't really leave them.

Even on the odd chance they didn't, your husband (who hasn't apologised), might be angry enough to spin them a story about you which is damaging, and they would see it as abandonment by you if they view these events in the future. In addition, if things escalate in the future between you both, your husband can use you leaving to go on holiday as proof you are irresponsible towards the kids. Social services might view it in the same way.

I disagree with those saying he might harm the kids - highly unlikely if he has a good relationship with them and he has never used violence before.

You did the right thing involving the police though. No one should use violence towards anyone else ever, and I doubt he ever will again as he knows you won't accept it (though you may wish to leave him at this point - I would).

Hmm. Your priorities are off.

ive Reported this post . If you’re going to create DV stories do your research! Theres far too many people on here that will be safeguarding trained . Also look up what a PPO is . The police would’ve taken the children to safety if your husband stayed in the property.

Sounds a lot more to this tbh and for a slap on the arm I'm not sure I would have called the police. Having been in a very bad domestic abuse relationship daily and for a long time and eventually getting the courage to get police involved im not sure I would have done it over a slap. I think you were as angry as he was and went a bit further verbally rather than walking away tbh. Based on my own experience they must have thought it was a 50/50 if they didn't arrest him. Either way in no mans world would I leave kids of any age if I thought it was actually so bad. I take them with me.