To think I've f*cked things up for my daughter even more

133 replies

smokingpoppy · 18/07/2025 23:09

ND yr 7 daughter has a few nice but slightly rebellious friends. She struggles with school anyway, on a reduced time table due to overwhelm etc.
In her absence an older 'wrong'un' from the year above has infiltrated the friend group, giving out vapes and generally being a bad influence/ pushing boundaries even more.
My daughter has no filter and made her feelings known to the other girls. They told the wrong'un who has now turned on my daughter and is threatening her. Long threatening voice notes etc. She's got a history of fighting, suspended for it etc.
The wrong'un is demanding my daughter makes a big public apology to the whole friendship group for 'talking shit about her'. (She hasn't been talking shite she was just honest that she felt uncomfortable about stuff to her friends)
I mistakenly told one of the friend's parents who went straight to the wrong'un mum and told her. So now the threats have gone up a gear.
I have definitely made it worse. I shouldn't have trusted the other mum. I now have exactly 100% chance of getting my daughter in to school ever again.
WWYD? Tell the school? What can they do at the end of term?

OP posts:

Original poster

smokingpoppy · 19/07/2025 00:07

OurBeautifulBaby · 18/07/2025 23:17

I think you should stop calling them a wrong’un for a start.

Sounds like she gets her no filter from her mum. Maybe she should focus on her own overwhelm and not running her mouth.

sourcing and pushing vapes on younger kids
starting fights and being suspended for violent behaviour
Truancy
smoking weed

but if a 12 year old telling her established friend group that a newbie pedalling this stuff is shit talking in your world whatevs.

OP posts:

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 18/07/2025 23:59

I think your daughter should tell the group chat

'Hi girls, things have all gone a bit silly with our parents getting involved.
Wrong un, I'm sorry that I upset you I can see how it would make you angry to think I was talking about you when you weren't there. I like you as a person and I think you're funny. Mainly what I was talking about was I don't like vaping, and everyone doing that, but that's an issue with vaping not with you. Next time I will say it to you not to the other girls when you're not there.
Now my mum has started calling everyone's parents which is really embarrassing. I've told her to stop it.
Can we drop this and just move on as I don't want any of us arguing? '

But she also needs to know not to trust any of those girls with secrets about other girls again

ThoraHeard · 18/07/2025 23:58

Yes tell the school. In future school should be your first port of call, not other mums.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 18/07/2025 23:56

The 'wrong un' as you charmingly call this child didn't 'infiltrate' the group, they simply joined it surely?

The giving of vapes should've been reported to the school obviously.

Can you explain what you mean by 'generally being a bad influence/ pushing boundaries even more.'?

BestZebbie · 18/07/2025 23:56

Long threatening voice notes with implied physical violence are threats. Threats of violence are illegal. Take them to the school (noting that your DD is now scared to come in due to fear of violence), and if you get no joy, to the police.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/07/2025 23:49

Your daughter did ‘talk shit’ though, she talked about the girl behind her back to her friends. It was a bad move! Have you spoken with this girls mum
yourself?

OurBeautifulBaby · 18/07/2025 23:17

I think you should stop calling them a wrong’un for a start.

Sounds like she gets her no filter from her mum. Maybe she should focus on her own overwhelm and not running her mouth.

BUMCHEESE · 18/07/2025 23:16

Hhm it's difficult but I'd tell the school given the threats.

Does your DD have other friends she can see over summer?

It's crap that the other mum did that but you've learned an important lesson on who you can trust.

Unflip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread