Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

If I couldn't alter the dates without minimal financial cost that would have been the answer to me.

I'm sure it sounds heartless but sometimes you just can't do things that you feel you should when you have other commitments.

No way would I send an 18yr old without me to be responsible for a 15yr old & 11yr old.

Im sure he’d like you to be with him but he has family there. I’d go on holiday . The grieving process will likely be long and you will be there for all but the first bit.

Your priority has to be your kids and he agrees. He is with all his family, you need to go see yours. Don't let this ruin a once in a decade time for you and your kids to spend with your family, there's no point going and then spending your whole time moping because you're not by your partners side. His mum doesn't mean anything to your kids, they've barely met her, they need to have the chance to have a wonderful time with their relatives. Support him of course but don't let it take over everything otherwise you may as well have not gone.

I wouldn't disappoint my children to be honest but chances are you might not be back in time to support your partner at the funeral.

Your 18 year old should be able to cope airport to airport if you you feel that you need to stay.

I appreciate you want to be there for your partner but really you're going to be a bit of a spare part so I'd wait to see what he says.

Edit: just seen the update. Final edit: although it was expected so sorry.

I’m glad you have decided to go and that your partner made the right choice in encouraging you.

his family doesn’t trump yours (ignore the America pun there). You are seeing your only blood family who you haven’t seen for 9 years. I know his mum has died but he has his family around him. You have family who are travelling across the world to meet you in the US. You have a duty to them to turn up too.

DP is with his family and if he makes his trip will be with you next week.

enjoy this precious time with your children and family and make sure you don’t always have your head in a phone, worry this week

Your family is valuable too and you should ensure you are present with them

He might still want to join you for all anyone knows.

Who are you to decide what he is? He’s per partner who she loves and wants to support. He equally wants her to go as he is a supportive partner.

There's no right or wrong here, it's up to you. Though I lost my mum recently and if I were the partner I'd not want the kids to miss out.

My mum was very ill when DH was due to go away with a mate. He hadn't been on this kind of trip for many years. I told him to go as there was nothing he could do. Mum actually hung on until after he returned, oddly.

It could work well. I used to have to make short trips for work and the jet lag is manageable. Only suggesting it as OP is in a really difficult situation.

Flights from the US to UK can be much cheaper. From New York there is a round trip from Wednesday 23 for a week for well under 400.

OP, if you do look at a US-UK-US flight Skyscanner will show good options. There is a huge price difference mid week versus weekends.

Take the kids. He’s surrounded by family, he’s not alone. There is nothing you can do. He’ll then be busy with funeral arrangements. You can be there after, often that is a more lonely time.

Actually only at some airports but do check

Grief isn't just for two weeks - he will need you in the weeks and months afterwards - in the UK the funeral is likely to be several weeks away.

I can't see his mum would want you to miss out, and he might still come out for a week, a sad event like this shows us how fragile life is.

Hope you are mid air at this point OP. You can support him remotely and in person when you are back, he will also need you then. It sounds like he has a good family network around him now.

They do have e gates for most travelers.

I would want my partner to prioritise his kids.

Presumably he has his family around him. If he had no one then that would change things.

Take the kids, you can always offer to come back once they are settled but realistically what support can you offer if he is three hours away and it sounds like he has family nearby to do so.

I wouldn’t want my partner or their kids to miss out because of me having a personal tragedy.

I'm going against the grain here...don't go unless your partner insists.
He's not just some casual date...you've been together 8 yrs and he has clearly been with you when you've lost someone.
Yes it's tough on your kids but it's a holiday...they can have other holidays.
You partner who I presume you love and care for has just lost his mother unexpectedly...you should be there for him.
Kids don't always come first despite what MN thinks... sometimes life events ruin our plans...learning that and dealing with disappointment is a life lesson I'm afraid.
I would also send the kids on their own, presuming they know how to watch for the boarding gate announcement and know to collect their suitcases at the other end.
If you'd lost your mother and your long term partner took his children on holiday instead of being there for you...how would you feel?

This. If he doesn’t do this then rethink your relationship

Go to see your family with your kids. Your kids don’t know your dp and are going to be with your family in the US. This is important to them.

Prioritise your children over a ‘partner’ that you don’t even live with.

Take your kids on the holiday, it’s the right thing to do. Life is short and for the living. Provide the emotional support via text and calls if he needs you in that way. But I say this honestly, if it was me dying, I wouldn’t want some children and their mum missing out on being together and going on a holiday of a lifetime when they’re not even related.

If your boyfriend cares for you and your kids, and is a sensible man, I would hope he would agree.

Take your kids on the holiday, it’s the right thing to do. Life is short and for the living. Provide the emotional support via text and calls if he needs you in that way. But I say this honestly, if it was me dying, I wouldn’t want some children and their mum missing out on being together and going on a holiday of a lifetime when they’re not even related.

If your boyfriend cares for you and your kids, and is a sensible man, I would hope he would agree.

Take your kids on the holiday, it’s the right thing to do. Life is short and for the living. Provide the emotional support via text and calls if he needs you in that way. But I say this honestly, if it was me dying, I wouldn’t want some children and their mum missing out on being together and going on a holiday of a lifetime when they’re not even related.

If your boyfriend cares for you and your kids, and is a sensible man, I would hope he would agree.