Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

To he absolutely clear, he isn’t her partner - he’s her boyfriend. A partner is a person you live with in a defacto relationship. A boyfriend is a person who lives in other accommodations.

I merely encouraged the OP to make her flight - which she has done now.

Hey OP, I hope you have a lovely trip and you sound like a lovely caring person who has had to weather a lot in the past. You and your partner are probably very lucky to have each other and I'm sure he knows it and also wants the best for you, as you do him.

He is her boyfriend. She hasn’t seen her family for almost a decade. I encouraged her to take the flight. Her boyfriend encouraged her to take the flight and I understand she made the decision to travel.

I don’t understand why you thought it necessary to swear.

Chill. I missed it. DP’s mother has met her kids once. Weird!

I’m sorry you found yourself in such a hard situation. I think you did the right thing and put your children first. I hope he can still fly out to meet you. Please ignore those judging your relationship title which was completely irrelevant.

From Canada - don't let your kids fly into the US alone. Canadians aren't even going into the US now because it's not safe. People are being detained, held, deported, it's really really bad. I live a few hours from the border and my kids and I would drive down, shop for a few hours, drive back, no big deal, but now none of us go near that border, it's too dangerous.

Talk to your BF and ask what he would prefer. My mother was killed in an accident last year and honestly, if my BF were in your position I would have told him to take his kids and go, to not worry. Emotional support from a distance would have been fine because there wouldn't be anything that he could do.

Good luck and my condolences to your BF

I think you've done the right thing to go
If you feel bad later try not to ans remember it's not like you had much time to make a decision

Can people not be bothered to read the full thread? Or at least the OP's posts?!

She said she and her children are going on this trip, and she said it last night!

They're probably in America now!

Good Lord.

I would still fly tomorrow. My dad died last year. My husband came to say goodbye - he’s known and loved him for 15 years. Other family members came and then me and my sister stayed with him for 20 hours until the end. Then we went back to our family home and stayed there the night together. I personally didn’t need or want my husband to actually be there with me. He was my dad and I wanted it to just be me and my sister. If we had been due to go away I would have expected him to take the children and I would have joined them later.

OP I’m curious why you think he would expect you to disappoint your kids and delay the trip? It sounds like he does not want you to do this so why do you keep going round in circles worrying this is going to irrevocably change your relationship? I’m not saying this is 100% the case, but is there a part of you that wants him to want you there?

This is a very balanced view. I hope the op reads this and enjoys these moments with her children and family. My daughter left home last year and I still say I wish I did that or enjoyed her more when she was younger. They grow up so fast.

I do think the emotional manipulation on this thread trying to guilt trip the op into staying was wild reading it all. One poster said she would leave their partner. I feel sorry for their husbands they must know their place.

I am sorry for your loss. I wouldn't worry what a bunch of strangers think. We are trying to make arguments to make you go and not feel guilty. I do think your relationship is healthy and I think I did mention that in one of my posts. While you have young children living with you and he still has young adult children it's good to have that distance and boundaries in place. It stops any potential conflicts or unnecessary fall outs.

Have your holiday, love.

Its not like your DP is all that she has in the World (and that's a good thing) so perhaps You and DCs go, as planned, and if He cannot do Week 2 then at least you and the DCs are already out there so can come Home after the fortnight.

@WordsFailMeYetAgain

OP has been in a relationship with him for 8 years, FFS

@Inthecafe

ah yes well it’s all worked out well then hasn’t it

🙄

Go with your kids. Doesn’t sound like this is a very long standing relationship and your kids haven’t seen family for 9 years. I wouldn’t cancel or send my kids alone.

'a bit unethical'? I'd call it insurance fraud - quite a lot 'unethical' and probably criminal. Terrible advice.

It’s a difficult situation but you’ve done the right thing by going with your children. Plus he told you to go! I wouldn’t expect him to join you for the second week, he needs to be with his family. Just like you need to be with yours. The funeral is unlikely to have taken place until you get back so you’ll hopefully be by his side for that. And well after, which is when he’ll really need you. Not to be unkind, but people not directly impacted by a death move on pretty quickly after a funeral. You’ll be there for him in the longer days to come. Please don’t feel bad for not being there ‘now’.

It’s not even adults vs children. Some people have different attitudes to yours re death. If someone’s dying, you can’t do anything. Not every culture treats death the same way as you. HTH.

Why?

She has sadly died, it is unlikely the funeral will be in the next two weeks, and even if there is that date can be refused.

We all went away between by FIL V sudden death and his funeral, we booked my MIL on the holiday and it did us all the world of good.

He may not want to come, and that is fine as well, but no one should be rude about anyone's reactions or decisions in grief.

Your kids should always come first so go on holiday with them.

It sounds like your partner has plenty of family members around him already to support him.

You are not married or living together so I would never choose a boyfriend over my kids.

“sorry kids not going in a few hours on this HUGE holiday that you’ve been looking forward to, all packed up and excited about. Why? I want to be here for my DP when he gets back because his mum has died”

kids: your boyfriend of 8 years who doesn’t live with us? Yes

kid: Was she really young? Well she’s DP’s mum so no

Kids: Is DP all alone? No, with his two siblings and his adult kids

kids: oh

I reckon the OP’s kids will be so glad for it just to be them and their mum for the full holiday rather than DP flying out to join.

"A bit unethical"?! Insurance fraud is illegal! Not to mention asking the doctor to falsify medical records