Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

You absolutely can be 'partners' and not live together @Muffinmam What the defacto are you banging on about?

OH MY GOD. OP has said several times they consider themselves to be in a serious, committed relationship and are each other’s life partners, albeit not living together right now in order to prioritise her children’s wellbeing and home life. Such things exist even if you are skeptical, I know of plenty.

OP didn’t ask for a sense check of her realationship status, presumably she’s well aware of how they feel about each other. So for the love of god, can we just take her word for it and knock it off. It’s boring, derailing and of no use to the OP whatsoever

You’ve done the right thing. Your children need you. You had your partner’s blessing to go.

Bear in mind that it may actually be easier for your partner to get with the practicalities of the sad situation without having to consider the wellbeing of you and your children.

Is the poster trying to say they are friends with benefits? I do worry about some people's interpretation of what a relationship is after the stories I have heard. The woman or man will say yes we are in a relationship and the other person will look clueless and say no we are just friends. I am not saying that is the ops situation it's what I have heard over the years. There is a lot of emotionally challenging people out there.

FFS splitting hairs

@Muffinmam. 😂

Honestly your not married your not living
together. He has not made the commitment. So if it me I would be goi g to see my family. If he can’t make it due to his mother’s health then that’s understandable to. Making wifey choices when you are not the wife is silly

Jesus, there is a lot of cherry picking on here in order to work up some outrage. The OP’s iterated plenty they’re very committed life partners who don’t live together. Of course she was flustered and upset when she heard, she loves her partner who loved his mother, a woman she had met many times and was very fond of. OP was trying to be as supportive to him as he had been to her when she lost her best friend but the timing was absolutely lousy. Her partner sensibly encouraged her to keep her plans, as he should’ve, but it’s hard to know the person you love is going through one of the worst times of his life and you’re effectively about to go no contact for the best part of a day. Totally understandably why she was waivering about the best thing to do initially.

OP, I’m glad he was kind enough to encourage you guys to stick to your plans. He sounds lovely, as do you, and looks like you have a great set up relationship-wise imo. In practical terms, maybe you could send them a e-gift card for Uber Eats or whatever food service is local to them, so they don’t have to worry about lunch or dinner today or tomorrow. I hope you have a lovely time with your relatives despite the sadness you’re also feeling. I’m sure she’d want you to too as well

I’m so, so sorry for your loss, @Allcrisisnocalm

Oh I agree

Also insane that the op even thought that it would be appropriate to rock up to support her dp when he was with his kids she’s barely knows!

It is completely different wirh relationships. Bf/gf is the norm until living together then you are 'partners'.

It's fine, the op has gone but the fact she was even considering disrupting her kids holiday because of her bf's bereavement is crazy. She'd met the dm once in 9yrs. That is not a relationship that you ruin holidays for especially as the bf had plenty of support. It's all a bit me me me tbh.

You live with your “partner” @Muffinmam

but are you happy?

Important in your country for financial reasons

Partners live together. The OP and her boyfriend live with their own families in separate houses. If they move in together then they will be in a defacto relationship and can use the term “partner” because they are in a partnership in living in a house.

You can’t call a person your partner if you aren’t actually partnered with them. If you don’t live with them they are either your boyfriend or girlfriend.

This is important in my country because genuine partners who cohabit can make a claim for certain assets in the event of a breakdown of relationship. A boyfriend or girlfriend could not make a claim on the others assets because they aren’t partnered. They don’t share an address.

My sister is still my sister despite us not living together

My child is still my child despite us not living together

They aren’t partners! Partner’s live together in a defacto relationship. They are boyfriend and girlfriend. They haven’t committed to each other. They live separately.

If I’d have been this partner, I’d have actively wanted the OP to go. Why? Because MY kids barely know the OP and they will be grieving and probably just want me rather than my girlfriend they don’t know around the place too

Try to have a good time...your dp knows you have done all you can xx

For the OP’s kids to have this massive holiday with just their mum…. They’ll likely be sad for DP’s loss of a woman they’ve never met but - very happy to have just a family holiday too

Exactly. Utterly strange.

How completely bizarre to unilaterally decide that two other people, who you’ve never met, aren’t partners when they consider themselves to be, let alone after almost a decade together. Very odd!

They are partners you know. You don’t get to define peoples relationships based on your bizarre criteria.

Could you drop your kids off with your family in the US and fly back for a few days at least/ for the funeral?

It'll cost a couple of grand but it's kind of a once in a lifetime situation... Sounds like you're financially able to do that, so I'd do that in your shoes.

Your kids sounds old enough to be with your family at least for a few days.

@Muffinmam , OP says: "We are absolutely committed life partners but we haven’t blended families as it wouldn’t be best for our kids as one set would need uprooting.
We spend most our time together but move between our respective houses depending on when we have our kids, and ensure we also get alone time with our kids."

They essentially live together and do not live separate lives. But regardless of that, it's not for you to define their relationship.

That’s my point. They aren’t partners they are boyfriend and girlfriend and live very separate lives. I encouraged the OP to take the flight and go and see her family.