Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

You absolutely can be 'partners' and not live together @Muffinmam What the defacto are you banging on about?

He has his loved ones support.

They are fine with me but I’m not close to them just because we haven’t blended families
he does have a close knit family
it’s just really awful for him
ive lost both my parents and my best friend as mentioned and you just want your loved ones’ support
it’s just desperately awful timing

Ok. But I can genuinely say I have never given advice to anyone, online or off, that I do not believe is correct. And to my way of thinking, nobody should ask for advice if they do not expect to receive it. That in itself is a learning curve that so few seem prepared to actually learn from - posting a thread asking for advice means you will get a lot of different perspectives, some will troll you, some will flame you, some wil actually try to tell the truth, and you have to try to decide if the words are wise or unwise.

Mumsnet is also full of people trying not to hurt one another's feelings - which is really quite usless and does not prepare them for the true feelings and opinions of the average person.

Ultimately, I think most people post on mumsnet because they want to someone to tell them they are right, and occasionally they want a nudge to do the right thing. It's a good lesson that you shouldn't do that unless you have a thick skin and know how to cope with an influx of thoughts from strangers.

What you are seeing is people's true thoughts, whether they would say them or not in real life is quite a different story. I would, I suspect many wouldn't.

Anyway, I just don't see the point in torturing yourself if it bothers you so greatly, and though I was dismissive before I am sincere in that comment.

I'd stay away from commentaries on the internet altogether if it angered, distressed or upset me to any great exent. It's why I don't watch the news, or documentaries on certain subject, or true crime podcasts, those things can trigger me.

The advice I received was unwise I would have been better off putting my pride aside and airing my dirty laundry. I did that recently and it felt liberating and I got the answers I needed. A lot of people are worried about how they will look so they come here. Op got the answers she needed from her partner not on here. It does feel like a toxic environment most of the time. Maybe I am growing up and outgrowing Mumsnet.

I apologise for having misconstrued your comment.

Ok. But I can genuinely say I have never given advice to anyone, online or off, that I do not believe is correct. And to my way of thinking, nobody should ask for advice if they do not expect to receive it. That in itself is a learning curve that so few seem prepared to actually learn from - posting a thread asking for advice means you will get a lot of different perspectives, some will troll you, some will flame you, some wil actually try to tell the truth, and you have to try to decide if the words are wise or unwise.

Mumsnet is also full of people trying not to hurt one another's feelings - which is really quite usless and does not prepare them for the true feelings and opinions of the average person.

Ultimately, I think most people post on mumsnet because they want to someone to tell them they are right, and occasionally they want a nudge to do the right thing. It's a good lesson that you shouldn't do that unless you have a thick skin and know how to cope with an influx of thoughts from strangers.

What you are seeing is people's true thoughts, whether they would say them or not in real life is quite a different story. I would, I suspect many wouldn't.

Anyway, I just don't see the point in torturing yourself if it bothers you so greatly, and though I was dismissive before I am sincere in that comment.

I'd stay away from commentaries on the internet altogether if it angered, distressed or upset me to any great exent. It's why I don't watch the news, or documentaries on certain subject, or true crime podcasts, those things can trigger me.

I was agreeing with you

It's an observation of social media or the internet. It's a false sense of reality.

Ok. You should do whatever makes you comfortable, and I will too.

You should probably just not read threads if they trigger and aggravate you so badly. People will just keep doing whatever they want to, regardless. Your choice, of course if you want to waste your time.

I completely agree with this. You've worded it well.

I always want to make this point on marriage but can predict all the responses so never dare 🤭. But you are right. Marriage definitely holds more significance on a societal level.

You wasted your precious time and I really don't care. Like I said above it's a box of frogs on here and you proved my point with your pointless post. Get a life

From what I have read on Mumsnet over the years they are selective over the advice they give. I asked for advice once and never again it was unhelpful and didn't help or improve my situation. I will never ask again I would rather read a book or an article on real life experiences I get more from real people. It's a box of frogs on here.

I am weary of the advice I do give in case the story is true. No one on here has to deal with the aftermath of a family breakup or breakdown if it all goes wrong. I try to make sure my advice is on doing the right thing especially when there is children involved.

Sure. Although I suspect you’re projecting quite a bit with the ‘beware of giving too much of yourself’ bollocks. Fret not, I can assure you I’m perfectly aware I’ve no skin in this game, and I’ll have forgotten about this thread well before the OP. I acknowledged in a previous post it seemed to have been resolved as well as she could in the circumstances IMO. Presumably you think I got “excited” - take quite a bit more than inane musings on Mumsnet tbf - because I’m waiting here with bated breath for OP to respond. Lol. Actually, I quoted your post because it perfectly demonstrated my point that this needless banging on about whether they’re really a proper couple, what a committed couple should and shouldn’t expect of each other, et ire, had, and still has, fuck all to do with the OPs dilemma. Despite it “amusing” you enough to feel to compelled to share your thoughts on the many naive people you know being deceived by their love interests, it’s still off tangent, therefore derailing, and therefore boring the arse of me to have to wade through. HTH

The op is in America @StellaLaBella she won't care about this thread in a couple of days. Once she has a proper conversation with her partner she will be happy. Don't give to much of yourself you don't know anyone on these threads. As I have been told many times on here a lot of what is posted on Mumsnet is made up.

Right. It really does matter, he is not family, her kids are. It's good that the OP has decided to do the right thing, and take her children on such an important trip to see the rest of her family.

Being married holds far greater significance than being someone's boyfriend, partner or even just living together. It has legal protections, shared property benefits, it offers financial security and - though mumsnetters really hate to admit this - it absolutely does signify a deeper commitment.

Getting married is a formal and public declaration that you intend to make a lifelong commitment to someone. It matters a lot. It carries, amongst many, greater social recognition and it offers more structure and expectations of mutual responsiblity.

So yeah, you're right. It is very sad for her boyfriend that his mum died, such situations are always difficult and she's obviously a caring person. But it's good OP didn't try to play the wifey role, as she is not his wife.

Right. It really does matter, he is not family, her kids are. It's good that the OP has decided to do the right thing, and take her children on such an important trip to see the rest of her family.

Being married holds far greater significance than being someone's boyfriend, partner or even just living together. It has legal protections, shared property benefits, it offers financial security and - though mumsnetters really hate to admit this - it absolutely does signify a deeper commitment.

Getting married is a formal and public declaration that you intend to make a lifelong commitment to someone. It matters a lot. It carries, amongst many, greater social recognition and it offers more structure and expectations of mutual responsiblity.

So yeah, you're right. It is very sad for her boyfriend that his mum died, such situations are always difficult and she's obviously a caring person. But it's good OP didn't try to play the wifey role, as she is not his wife.

Honestly your not married your not living
together. He has not made the commitment. So if it me I would be goi g to see my family. If he can’t make it due to his mother’s health then that’s understandable to. Making wifey choices when you are not the wife is silly

OH MY GOD. OP has said several times they consider themselves to be in a serious, committed relationship and are each other’s life partners, albeit not living together right now in order to prioritise her children’s wellbeing and home life. Such things exist even if you are skeptical, I know of plenty.

OP didn’t ask for a sense check of her realationship status, presumably she’s well aware of how they feel about each other. So for the love of god, can we just take her word for it and knock it off. It’s boring, derailing and of no use to the OP whatsoever