Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

I would travel as planned.
Whilst it’s bad timing, what realistic good will you staying have? He’s a big boy. Your children have lives too.

Then make the flight.

Definitely go with your kids. You’re letting past experience colour this. He’ll be fine and you’ll still be supporting him - going on a planned trip like this one doesn’t mean you aren’t. Whereas if you stayed it would really throw the kids. They are your ultimate responsibility which you must realise

Go with your kids. Be diff if not on holiday / you would rush to be with him

but he has his kids and siblings

Well, that changes it a bit. But I'd still go, and if he loves you he will want you to go. The absolute most you should do is delay it a bit and send your kids - who will definitely be fine on the flight and safe in America with their family.

Please don't ruin your children's amazing holiday to see their own family for no reason - I honestly don't think they will ever forget you doing that, no matter what they say about it in the moment. I'd have been devastated as a child or teenager to have this trip of a life time taken away from me because my mother's boyfriend's mum died and we stayed even though nobody could do anything or help.

I remember I was living in America when my parents came to visit, years ago. My grandfather died, my dad's dad, and he was sad and spoke on the phone to his sister, but didn't even contemplate going back earlier, and so he missed the funeral. He instantly realised he'd have ruined his trip to see his daughter, husband and grandchild for no reason, everyone managed without him as they do. Sometimes you just have to be practical about death, sad though it is.

Staying won't change anything, and neither will going. It's sad, but death is part of life.

If he is with his adult kids that is probably the bubble he needs - people who are grieving together
take your children on holiday

I don't think staying one day will be particularly helpful tbh. Unless you cancel the entire trip to be with him until after the funeral it seems pointless. He has his children and other family with him so I think you should go with your children unless he badly wants you to stay. Rotten timing though.

Same. They’ve been together 8 years ffs and his mum is dying finding 24 hours for him
if it’s not burdensome isn’t unreasonable especially as he has made a similar effort.

of it will cost £1k and that’s a loot of money in your circumstances then you can’t but if not why not try?

i’d give them a call @Allcrisisnocalm I was quoted 500 to change a flight online I called the company and they guy on the phone took off all the admin fees and charged £100

Your kids come first.

your partner has his family with him and you’re not covered by insurance.

go, he can cancel and get the money back

Take your kids on holiday.
I say this as someone who has lost a parent, at quite a young age, and firmly learnt that life is for living when you can.
Hopefully your partner will have fanily support around.

You can’t send them to America alone right now, their immigration is unhinged at the minute. I’m saying this as the mum of white/Indian boys, I’d be terrified.

realistically you aren’t going to get a proper conversation with him tonight, but you have been together 8 years, is he more practical or emotional in an emergency?

It sounds like your partner is well supported and has his own family there and it's very sad, but really, he is a grown-up and your first duty is to your kids. You have an 11 year old. What were you going to do with them if you did travel three hours to see your partner anyway?

You need to go with your kids. Sorry, I know you want to be with your partner but immigration here right now is nuts and not something I would want an 18 year old alone with younger kids to try to navigate.

If the cost of changing your flight is the same as buying fresh, can you take your kids and deposit them safely, and consider flying back for a few days after you have managed to speak to him and fixed a proper plan? Realistically now it’s just too late; your kids have presumably gone to bed expecting an early morning flight and no doubt very excited. You have no option but to take them.

Go on the trip. He has his family with him

You should still go on holiday. You staying behind won't change anything.

Going through immigration in the us is not hard unless they have something to look for. it will be, why are you here, fingerprints and going through.

make sure they’ve deleted any social media posts if they need to.

I wouldnt go, surprised at these responses. Although OP you havent clarified how long you've been together/quality of your relationship

If its very long term and he is utterly supportive of you as you have said about your friend dying, I would want to support him, a holiday is not the same as someone dying and suporting your partner through that. You have scope to send the kids alone and go slightly later, thats what I would do if you're confident in them.

If he is a fly by night relationship that you dont have a lot of confidence in, well thats different.

How do your kids feel about being left alone to travel? It seems like a massive responsibility.

People telling you they travelled when 15 etc it’s totally irrelevant as times have changed.

I would also go, for your kids sakes.

Whilst you’d be a comfort to your boyfriend, you staying behind isn’t going to change the outcome or leave him alone in grief, he has his kids and siblings. You’ll be back in 2 weeks and can help with other aspects then.

a lot of this depends on what your boyfriend wants though and just how hard he’s going to be taking this. His poor mum x

You should go. He should understand. Does he have other supportive people around him? Family and friends?
The timing is terrible and I really feel for you, but ultimately you should prioritise your kids.