Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

Take the kids. Come back if you have to.
However, it's 2025. You can face time and speak ten times a day. Neither of you will be waiting for an airmail letter or telegram.

Sorry just seen - I think at that age it would be fine to send them together if they’re happy enough

It would be a lovely gesture to drop everything and support your partner. If everything was a couple of days off work and taking in some food to him that would be reasonable. Giving up family holiday is too much. You can give support via phone calls and text. Try and facilitate his kids still coming if the distraction will be helpful to them it is something you can do if he doesnt come. But cancelling altogether is too much.

What a difficult situation. I don't think it's as easy as saying you should put your children first and just go off on holiday without a backward glance. You've been with your partner for a long time and presumably he would appreciate your presence and the support that you can provide. OTOH I can understand not wanting to cancel a holiday you've been looking forward to.

I'm not sure that delaying by 24 hours would actually help in any case. If you are with your partner for a day and then leave, he will still be in the very early phase of shock and grief. I would think that it could be quite wrenching for him if you spend such a short amount of time with him and then won't see him for 2 weeks (assuming he will not join you for the second half of the holiday as originally planned).

If you send your children on their own, are they confident travellers? Have they handled customs and immigration before? Are they U.S. citizens? (I hate having to ask that but in the current horrific atmosphere, U.S. citizens are treated more humanely than non-citizens, though even citizenship is not enough to protect them in these dark days. ETA: I am a U.S. citizen myself, I'm speaking from experience.)

I'm happy for the clarification you are definitely sending your kids. If all you are worried about is them flying alone and being in America, they will be fine, the fearmongering and silliness about the USA is off the scale at the moment.

But I still think you should go, and I think he should say that too. You would tell him that, in the same circumstances. Anyway, good luck with it all.

If your relationship is as strong as it sounds then I suspect he would be more pissed off that you stayed than if you went.

I certainly would be.

Its not ideal but it is how it is.

The difference between this and your ex is that you CARE and he didnt. Your partner knows that you care but you have a huge commitment that you must see through. You havent said "Oh dear, how sad. I found a great deal online so I am off to Benidorm with the girls for a week, see ya!!"

Two seperate things are calling to you but who needs you more? Your kids. And its ok to acknowledge that.

Sorry if you’ve said but how young are the younger two?

Go on the trip. He will have support of his family, which is more relevant as they know his DM properly. If anything it might feel intrusive for his DC having you there, irs their grandma too.

Her children aren’t big boys. He’s an adult. They come first.

Oh, ok, sorry about that then.

If your kids have only met her once in 8 years it doesn't sound like you were close to her either. Presumably your partner will be with his family and children and this is hardly the time to bring your children into the situation.

Go to see you family but keep in touch with him all the time. I'm sure he will understand that you didn't have much of a choice.
If you end up cancelling and then sitting around like a spare part, it isn't going to help anyone.

This sounds like a potential compromise?

I'm really sorry this is happening to you all.

Can you send food round, from m&s or the frozen food cook shop? His poor mom probably won’t be buried for more than a month so you’ll definitely be back for the funeral and can support him through that time

He's a big boy - what on earth? Who wouldn't want their partner's support when their parent dies? Fair enough to advise OP to go as it is a finely balanced situation but you'd have to have the emotional intelligence of a gnat to not realise how difficult a decision this is for the OP given how much her partner will need her.

It is worth a try, but because he is not her husband, he's not family, and neither is his mum, so I think they will just say no.

I think you should talk to partner. He probably wouldn’t expect you to abandon your kids under these circumstances

But it sounds like you are looking for support to take away your children's holiday from them because you want to be with your boyfriend, who will actually be fine, whereas their trip to see family will be ruined, for no practical reason. So I think that is why the other poster reminded you that the kids matter more than your boyfriend. I think this will harm your relationship with their kids, if they see you put your boyfriend's feelings over theirs.

So sorry for the awful situation but if you send the kids and not you please please please get them to ask someone at the airport to update your booking when they check I. so you don’t go down as no show as you’ll loose your return ticket if you don’t get on the plane!

I would call and see if you can get the airline to make an exception on the fees given the extenuating circumstances. Worth a try. I'd probably delay 48h rather than 24h if that's feasible.

I would call him when you get a chance and ask him what he wants you to do. Tell him you're desperate to be with him but don't want to risk the kids going through US immigration alone. I think you just have to do what your gut tells you ultimately. So sorry, what a nightmare.

Incidentally how do his adult kids feel about you? If it's an awkward relationship might he actually prefer you not to be there?