Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

I’m glad he’s made this decision a bit easier for you.
For what it’s worth, if your children are white british and never been in any trouble, and passport / esta / visa situation is all uncomplicated, I would have no concerns sending them alone to the states alone to be met by relatives the other side.
However, it looks like they won’t need to, which is good news.
It’s a horribly difficult time, you’re in my thoughts.

That's a crazy idea the jet lag alone will wipe her out.

They are not a blended family she did say that.

So glad you spoke with him

hopefully he’s put your mind at rest now as much as he can

he sounds lovely and glad he didn’t say come to me now

you will be there at end of phone

try and enjoy your holidays as much as you can @Allcrisisnocalm you have obv saved for this and been planned for a long time

1. They don't live together. He has family support.
2. What about hier boyfriends children's feelings and privacy with their grandmother.
3. What about her own children and how they feel.
4. The op needs to put her children first or else the relationship will end with the boyfriend. They were their first they will not have her put her man first.
5. Op is lucky she has found a good one he is not selfish. He sounds level headed and caring.

If her boyfriend said he wanted her their beside him I reckon she would have dumped her children on her 18 year old son. She would have taken the next flight on her own. That doesn't sit well with me.

Yes, ‘it’s unfortunate timing’ like it’s been a mix up in schedules rather than someone’s mother dying. It’s such a massive loss and it’s good of him to tell you to go but then anyone decent would say that but not necessarily feel that way. Op should consider whether this is going to have long term adverse impact on her relationship, unless they genuinely have a relaxed bf/gf relationship whereby not introduced or involved with each others families etc

Fly out with the kids. Can you get a return US-UK-US for just you? Does it mess with visas? That way you get your kids over there, get back to support your partner, then see family and bring your kids home.

It sounds like he has gave you his blessing he has family with him and will know any other time you would have been with him. Realistically theres not alot you would have achieved by staying home - when my parent passed the first few days were taken up with practical arrangements and i just wanted space. Funerals in the UK take so long now it likely wont be until after your holiday and so you will be able to be there to support him through that

You have been together eight years, I would send the kids and jo8n a day or two later. Having just come back from the states with a 15 and 13 year old they were often sitting apart from us due to last minute flight changes and were fine. With an 18 year old ensuring they end up at the right places they will be fine, they aren’t little kids.

Your partner will appreciate a bit of thought and care right now, even if you head off after a day or so.

Let his immediate blood family get on with it. You can offer support down the line as his grieving will be long if this is a sudden death.

Keep you spirits up for your DCs and dont be preoccupied - they deserve your attention, focus and fun right now.

Yeah, I agree with this. I'm also surprised.

There is zero chance I'd be sending children to face US immigration alone right now, but I would also want to be with him. I've read your posts, but I don't blame you for feeling conflicted.

Absolutely and it's the sort of thing that you might say, 'oh yes please go, I don't want you to change your plans ' but actually desperately hoping that the partner stays and supports you. I'd be heartbroken if my partner did this for a holiday

But it may feel that straightforward to him very soon.

Your partner hasn't actually had his mother die yet and is presumably all over the place emotionally. This is obviously a big loss for him and whatever he says now, your decision will be remembered. If you are committed and think that this is a relationship that will happily go on for a long time into the future, I think you should send them alone. Eighteen is an adult and the others are quite grown up. Many posters on this thread are writing as if they are seven or eight!

Go with your kids. They are the priority and your partner has family around him. you can support him remotely and you may well be back for the funeral.

That's not fair, it's not just her partner to consider but her children and her own family travelling to see her. If it was just op and a random holiday she won't consider putting aside then yeah that's rough but it's not that straightforward

I’m quite surprised by the responses to this thread, especially the ones along the lines of “you’re not married so he’s not family”.

They’ve been together 8 years. Would you feel differently if they were married? Would you think she should stay then?

Im sorry but there is no way on God's green Earth that I would leave my partner to go on holiday when his mum was on her death bed.

Even if my partner insisted I go I'd be there by his side in his hour of need.

Get on the flight with your kids.

I agree that you should go @Maythefuckinglordopen - and I’m glad your partner gave you his blessing. I say this as someone too like you who lost people (my mum and a best friend during my marriage and my ex’s cruel lack of support was one of the death knells of their relationship.

You will be there to support him every step of the way when you return. Ime sometimes people need more support when the Adrenalin & shock has worn off. He will know this is just a case of awful awful timing. I hope he is as ok as he can be.

But not everyone is the same. He has his family around him, all supporting each other.

It’s just awful timing, but you’re both doing the right thing in not cancelling the kids holiday. You can support him on the phone, make it clear that you’ll be there to talk at any time if he needs to. You can also hop on a plane and come back home if it turns out that’s what’s needed.

Sorry - just saw your update.

He sounds a very decent bloke - glad he was in agreement.

There are some really insensitive posts on this thread. My father died suddenly and unexpectedly. At the time, my DH was working hundreds of miles away. All I wanted was for him to be with me. Of course, he immediately dropped everything and was by my side as soon as he could get there. I appreciate that the OP's situation is more complicated due to the planned holiday. But supporting a bereaved loved one is surely something that anyone in a relationship should actively want to do, even in difficult situations such as this one.